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This is why Facebook/Social networks cannot replace real life interactions. Maybe they weren't as close of a friend as you thought? If you don't hear from someo

This is why Facebook/Social networks cannot replace real life interactions. Maybe they weren't as close of a friend as you thought? If you don't hear from someone for two years and never make a phone call to reach out/or spend them with them, it sounds like they were more of an acquaintance than a real friend. I quit facebook back in April, and I can say that my friendships with true friends have been getting stronger ever since. passive relationships are not genuine.

gohrt 13y ago
This is such a shortsighted and cruel thing to say.
- mildtrepidation 13y ago
  That's one way to look at it. Another is that, perhaps, Facebook's redefinition of the term "friend" has taken some of the meaning out of it. This leaves us in an emotionally precarious position: I've called someone a friend, and perhaps even interacted with them more than I would've otherwise, thanks to this online facilitation. Does that make it more or less important? Does the difference matter? I don't think these are trivial questions. My opinion is that, no, someone you talk to infrequently on Facebook is not your "friend" in the same way as someone you see and interact with regularly outside of the webbynets. But I do think that point of view, if it isn't already, will soon be outdated. For better or worse, our online interactions are more numerous and significant. Perhaps it's time we consider that possibility and start re-evaluating our assumptions regarding friendship, what it entails, and what it requires.
- MrZongle2 13y ago
  How so? I think eyeareque is correct. In the days before the Internet, there were generally three ways to stay in touch with distant friends: writing letters, making telephone calls, or visiting in person. All three required varying degrees of time and effort on ones part, but this was offset by the simple pleasure of conversing with a friend. People didn't bother engaging in this sort of activity with acquaintances or "rather pleasant kinda-friends", because the personal connection didn't exist. There was no "payoff" significant enough to offset the effort. The likes of Facebook remove most of this time and effort requirement. You can "friend" people you haven't spoken to in years or even decades with a minimum of difficulty. While I'm sure there are plenty of cases where the lack of communication could be due to external causes (divorce, reassignment, death, job loss, etc) there are undoubtedly many more cases where people simply "drifted apart" because they found they didn't have strong common interests. Many Facebook (and similar social media) relationships really aren't "genuine" (as eyeareque stated) for this reason. Neither party really is interested in putting additional effort into the relationship beyond a simple "like" button click every now and then, if even that. The OP's story is sad, and while I agree with their summary that we should treasure our friends and family while we have them, let's not pretend that the Golden Age of Social Media has somehow provided us with a revolutionary relationship tool. Facebook is a dynamic, 21st Century version of the old "phone number and address book": full of people to whom you might send a Christmas card, but little else.
- eyeareque 13y ago
  I mean no disrespect to the original author. It is just that online social networks use the term "friend" when it really doesn't apply. ex: If you spend time with a friend weekly or even monthly and then suddenly you never hear or speak to them again. Don't you think you'd actively pursue them to find out what is up before too long? I'm sure you wouldn't wait two years to investigate. Quitting facebook/social networks will show you who your real friends are.
jccalhoun 13y ago
How is one related to the other? If it is true that he wasn't as close of a friend with the guy as he thought, what does that have to do with facebook? Without facebook he might not have had any interaction with the guy at all. How does quitting facebook help in that situation? I know in my situation there are lots of people on facebook that I wouldn't know anything about what they were doing if they weren't on facebook.
- eyeareque 13y ago
  Quitting facebook will show you who your true friends are. It also allows you to focus on people that matter, and not people who are no longer a meaningful part of your life.

gohrt 13y ago

This is such a shortsighted and cruel thing to say.

mildtrepidation 13y ago
That's one way to look at it. Another is that, perhaps, Facebook's redefinition of the term "friend" has taken some of the meaning out of it. This leaves us in an emotionally precarious position: I've called someone a friend, and perhaps even interacted with them more than I would've otherwise, thanks to this online facilitation. Does that make it more or less important? Does the difference matter? I don't think these are trivial questions. My opinion is that, no, someone you talk to infrequently on Facebook is not your "friend" in the same way as someone you see and interact with regularly outside of the webbynets. But I do think that point of view, if it isn't already, will soon be outdated. For better or worse, our online interactions are more numerous and significant. Perhaps it's time we consider that possibility and start re-evaluating our assumptions regarding friendship, what it entails, and what it requires.
MrZongle2 13y ago
How so? I think eyeareque is correct. In the days before the Internet, there were generally three ways to stay in touch with distant friends: writing letters, making telephone calls, or visiting in person. All three required varying degrees of time and effort on ones part, but this was offset by the simple pleasure of conversing with a friend. People didn't bother engaging in this sort of activity with acquaintances or "rather pleasant kinda-friends", because the personal connection didn't exist. There was no "payoff" significant enough to offset the effort. The likes of Facebook remove most of this time and effort requirement. You can "friend" people you haven't spoken to in years or even decades with a minimum of difficulty. While I'm sure there are plenty of cases where the lack of communication could be due to external causes (divorce, reassignment, death, job loss, etc) there are undoubtedly many more cases where people simply "drifted apart" because they found they didn't have strong common interests. Many Facebook (and similar social media) relationships really aren't "genuine" (as eyeareque stated) for this reason. Neither party really is interested in putting additional effort into the relationship beyond a simple "like" button click every now and then, if even that. The OP's story is sad, and while I agree with their summary that we should treasure our friends and family while we have them, let's not pretend that the Golden Age of Social Media has somehow provided us with a revolutionary relationship tool. Facebook is a dynamic, 21st Century version of the old "phone number and address book": full of people to whom you might send a Christmas card, but little else.
eyeareque 13y ago
I mean no disrespect to the original author. It is just that online social networks use the term "friend" when it really doesn't apply. ex: If you spend time with a friend weekly or even monthly and then suddenly you never hear or speak to them again. Don't you think you'd actively pursue them to find out what is up before too long? I'm sure you wouldn't wait two years to investigate. Quitting facebook/social networks will show you who your real friends are.

jccalhoun 13y ago

How is one related to the other? If it is true that he wasn't as close of a friend with the guy as he thought, what does that have to do with facebook? Without facebook he might not have had any interaction with the guy at all. How does quitting facebook help in that situation? I know in my situation there are lots of people on facebook that I wouldn't know anything about what they were doing if they weren't on facebook.

eyeareque 13y ago
Quitting facebook will show you who your true friends are. It also allows you to focus on people that matter, and not people who are no longer a meaningful part of your life.