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Exactly. I have had this boss, unfortunately. To a t. He'd tell me a project was "completely up to me," that I was "the leader" of it, and that I should feel "

Exactly. I have had this boss, unfortunately. To a t. He'd tell me a project was "completely up to me," that I was "the leader" of it, and that I should feel "totally empowered" to make decisions, allocate resources, etc. He proceeded to show up to each of my project meetings, often late and out of context, disagree out loud, offer unsolicited opinions, micromanage, and badger me into implementing his ideas -- thoroughly undermining any ostensible authority I had over the project, or reversing any progress the team had made up to that point. His ideas came in two flavors: a) completely off-the-cuff and unconsidered, and b) foregone conclusions (what the team and I liked to call his "pet" ideas). Both of these types I had to entertain, and often to implement. And of course, when it came time for him to chip in with the execution in any way, or even to explain his rationale, he'd bolt for the door. Essentially, I was his task rabbit. If a project went to shit, he'd claim it was "mine" and be able to pass the buck accordingly. If it went well, he'd swoop in and scoop up the credit. Attempts to talk to him about it in one-on-ones went nowhere. Attempts to "check in" with him prior to meetings, in the hopes of pre-selling him on a plan, went nowhere. He'd be dead set on a pet idea, and it was my job to "totally lead" the execution of that idea. Bosses like this are toxic. I'm not sure I've ever found a good way to work successfully with this personality type. If this describes your boss, figure out how to transfer, how to escape, or how to develop Vulcan-like mastery over your anger and your pride. Some tigers can't change their stripes, and I can guarantee you that this kind won't.

deleted 13y ago
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misterjangles 13y ago
I have been on both sides if this, although as a boss I have always tried to give others the glory and take the heat. Also I probably do swoop in with ideas, but I don't leave people high and dry to figure them out. The solution is really to speak up for yourself. You may have to remind your boss that he put you in charge. I can be a tough boss but I will listen to any argument and will be glad to be proven wrong or told that my idea is going on the list for later. But - you must convince me that your idea is better, or more practical, or that you at least have thought things through. I know it can be tough because bosses tend to be older and, maybe in some cases wiser (but not always). As the boss your pressure is to keep a team moving forward and so you grow used to delegating. I had to be reminded that I gave somebody a project once and I felt really bad about not letting him do it on his own. I really just didn't want to see him fail, but I was micromanaging. It was difficult for him to bring it up to me but I was glad he did and we got past it. I'd say - face it head on. If the boss still won't listen, then start figuring out another employment opportunity.
- jonnathanson 13y ago
  "The solution is really to speak up for yourself. You may have to remind your boss that he put you in charge. I can be a tough boss but I will listen to any argument and will be glad to be proven wrong or told that my idea is going on the list for later. But - you must convince me that your idea is better, or more practical, or that you at least have thought things through." I'm fine with that, and believe me, I tried on almost every occasion to take that approach with this boss. Whenever I did, I'd get some condescending reassurance that he'd respect my plans, etc. From there I figured, as you suggest, that perhaps he didn't understand how I'd been thinking about something. Attempts to walk him through my thinking, or my team's line of thinking, would be met with a mixture of apathy and hostility. It became pretty clear, in this particular guy's case, that he wasn't really interested in empowering anybody. He had some ideas, and he wanted them executed. Over the months, that became the path of least resistance, and we all just sort of accepted it. Unfortunately, many of his ideas -- perhaps even most -- turned out to be pretty bad. Wisdom was probably the one thing this guy really needed, to be honest with you. He was older than I was, but only by 3 or 4 years. He was the type of guy who'd either been good or lucky early in his career, and who'd risen to a position of leadership for which he was probably not ready, or to which he was just not suited. He had been a strong individual contributor in his early days, and what I saw in him was an individual contributor uncomfortable with delegation and management. And the frosting on the cake was a big dollop of narcissism. (Not all inexperienced or uncomfortable bosses are narcissistic or bad; this guy happened to be, pretty nakedly). "I'd say - face it head on. If the boss still won't listen, then start figuring out another employment opportunity." True. But depending on the case, I'd amend that to "Face it head on and start figuring out another employment opportunity." Those things should happen in parallel, because, depending on how big a narcissist your boss happens to be, and depending upon the organization's culture, facing the issues head-on could result in your getting blacklisted within the organization, or negatively reviewed for insubordination. It's possible your boss is just looking for you to step up. But it's equally possible he's just a douchebag. Hope for the better case, but prepare for both. Hope you don't have to pull your parachute -- but pack one, just in case.

deleted 13y ago

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misterjangles 13y ago

I have been on both sides if this, although as a boss I have always tried to give others the glory and take the heat. Also I probably do swoop in with ideas, but I don't leave people high and dry to figure them out. The solution is really to speak up for yourself. You may have to remind your boss that he put you in charge. I can be a tough boss but I will listen to any argument and will be glad to be proven wrong or told that my idea is going on the list for later. But - you must convince me that your idea is better, or more practical, or that you at least have thought things through. I know it can be tough because bosses tend to be older and, maybe in some cases wiser (but not always). As the boss your pressure is to keep a team moving forward and so you grow used to delegating. I had to be reminded that I gave somebody a project once and I felt really bad about not letting him do it on his own. I really just didn't want to see him fail, but I was micromanaging. It was difficult for him to bring it up to me but I was glad he did and we got past it. I'd say - face it head on. If the boss still won't listen, then start figuring out another employment opportunity.

jonnathanson 13y ago
"The solution is really to speak up for yourself. You may have to remind your boss that he put you in charge. I can be a tough boss but I will listen to any argument and will be glad to be proven wrong or told that my idea is going on the list for later. But - you must convince me that your idea is better, or more practical, or that you at least have thought things through." I'm fine with that, and believe me, I tried on almost every occasion to take that approach with this boss. Whenever I did, I'd get some condescending reassurance that he'd respect my plans, etc. From there I figured, as you suggest, that perhaps he didn't understand how I'd been thinking about something. Attempts to walk him through my thinking, or my team's line of thinking, would be met with a mixture of apathy and hostility. It became pretty clear, in this particular guy's case, that he wasn't really interested in empowering anybody. He had some ideas, and he wanted them executed. Over the months, that became the path of least resistance, and we all just sort of accepted it. Unfortunately, many of his ideas -- perhaps even most -- turned out to be pretty bad. Wisdom was probably the one thing this guy really needed, to be honest with you. He was older than I was, but only by 3 or 4 years. He was the type of guy who'd either been good or lucky early in his career, and who'd risen to a position of leadership for which he was probably not ready, or to which he was just not suited. He had been a strong individual contributor in his early days, and what I saw in him was an individual contributor uncomfortable with delegation and management. And the frosting on the cake was a big dollop of narcissism. (Not all inexperienced or uncomfortable bosses are narcissistic or bad; this guy happened to be, pretty nakedly). "I'd say - face it head on. If the boss still won't listen, then start figuring out another employment opportunity." True. But depending on the case, I'd amend that to "Face it head on and start figuring out another employment opportunity." Those things should happen in parallel, because, depending on how big a narcissist your boss happens to be, and depending upon the organization's culture, facing the issues head-on could result in your getting blacklisted within the organization, or negatively reviewed for insubordination. It's possible your boss is just looking for you to step up. But it's equally possible he's just a douchebag. Hope for the better case, but prepare for both. Hope you don't have to pull your parachute -- but pack one, just in case.