Wow, I've experienced a lot of that and have been trying to describe it to those around me. They're are all supportive, but I don't know whether they really und

Wow, I've experienced a lot of that and have been trying to describe it to those around me. They're are all supportive, but I don't know whether they really understand what I am saying. I don't dance, because I am afraid of being judged the way I analyze others. I don't show emotion or affection (much, I am a lot older and a little better now) in public, for the same reason. I remember every single time I've attempted a social interaction and it went poorly -- they stick with me more than anything else. When I see someone naturally at ease, I am immediately envious and trying to glean any hints of how I should act. I also feel like a construct of all those people around me -- I can look back over the last 20 years and see the phases of my life. It's like I became different people in different places, different jobs. Whatever it took to be normal, to fit in. I don't know about others, but you're not alone. It made me feel better reading your comment and knowing I am not alone. Thank you.