I think the problem with your phrasing is that most humans will interpret it to mean "oh, I can just find something that looks good on any one of these metrics,

I think the problem with your phrasing is that most humans will interpret it to mean "oh, I can just find something that looks good on any one of these metrics, and then it'll be ethical." This is why animal welfare-ists exist, and why people think that there is such a thing as "happy meat."