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I'm really curious about one aspect of cyber-bullying. With regular bullying in schools you have to face the person bullying you everyday and without the interv

I'm really curious about one aspect of cyber-bullying. With regular bullying in schools you have to face the person bullying you everyday and without the intervention of an adult it's difficult to stop the abuse. With cyber-bullying you can just close your account and the cyber-bullying stops. You may still encounter the problem in the real world but the cyber portion is finished. I'm not trying to trivialise it and I understand when you're on the receiving end of bullying it might not seem this simple but every time I've seen one of these stories recently it's a question I've asked myself. Is there any data to show why people who have been cyber-bullied don't just shut down their accounts?

grannyg00se 13y ago
Wondered the same. Her mom closed her facebook acct and took other measures, and the girl went back to other sites. I suppose that if there is a massive concentration of social activity online and you want to be part of it you will endure the bullying rather than be an outcast. Very complicated situation, I'm sure. Can victims become addicted to the attention, even if it is negative?
- gametheoretic 13y ago
  Break it down further - the attention isn't monolithic. There are bullies, there are friends, there are friends who bully, bullies you want to be friends with, shit's complicated. That emotional confusion can get you stuck in a loop. You don't realize you're on a rollercoaster, addicted not to the highs or the lows but the difference between them. Stability, flat ground, feels like flatlining. You're a junkie, and nobody knows it, least of all you, because every inch of it is in your head, where you make sure never to find it. E.g., "Love The Way You Lie."
DanBC 13y ago
See link given below where the sister of a girl who completed suicide described the "addictiveness" of social media apps. > it might not seem this simple Quite. Someone feels sad and alone. Social media might be the channel for abuse and bullying, but it might also be where their friends are.
aznjons 13y ago
When you're a young person, peer pressure and need for peer acceptance/interaction is a powerful force that can defy rational action. Young people have limited perspective beyond the immediate social environments of their family and friends. If all of the interaction at school is in these virtual spaces they may be compelled to try and socialize in the hope of peer acceptance. Loneliness and social needs can be hard to deal with for some kids and the hope of positive interaction may drive them to keep trying to reach out to their peers even in the face of vicious bullying.
Bud 13y ago
You must not have been a teenage girl lately. To be fair, neither have I, but: Teenage girls will do ANYTHING to ensure they remain part of the social milieu they want to be in. Going into hermit mode and ignoring everyone else isn't an option that teenage girls are good at conceptualizing.
speeder 13y ago
From what I've tried learn about, the problem is NOT only the cyber-bulling... It is the whole society that is sick, for several reasons (most of these, do not matter now). But thinking short-term and about a single individual, usually the reason why a individual keeps going online and attracting bullies, is that other stuff is broken on his life, for example that individual might be extremely lonely, giving rise to "attention whoring" behaviour (that quickly attract bullies). I once made friendship with a girl that was a unhealthy amount of time online, even weirder, she started to treat me like the responsible person for her, even with we living 1500 miles apart... Over time I discovered her father was a dead-beat sort of guy, and her mother was extremely tyrannical, yet kinda lazy, refusing to take her to the doctor for example when she discovered she had yeast infection. More digging on her life, trying to understand some of her bizarre behaviour, and I found out that her extended family abused her when she was around 4 to 8 years old, including people that were cops and supposed to be moral compass, the environment already her was entirely toxic, she for example regularly participated in lucrative (for her) pyramid schemes and believed them to be legitimate and normal, when I explained what it was, she was confused, and did not wanted to believe the community she was living was dishonest, later more question asked, I figured that she really lived in a kind of cesspool of dishonesty and backstabbing, with everyone being more or less friendly on the front, but always ready to backstab in name of survival, the place was poor, people used stolen electricity, internet was ran by a illegal ISP, her father ran a unlicensed bar on the lowest floor of her home, and bar brawls inside were common... It became clear to me, that what drove her to attract bullies on internet, was desperation, she was stuck physically in a hard to leave place (a bus to the city downtown was 30 minute walk away, and then it was a 2 hour trip in difficulty terrain, also her parents forbid her from taking a bus anyway, she never used a bus and was already a adult), the only confort she had, was that sometimes random strangers on internet cared for her (like me), but obviously, seeking random hero strangers on internet, is also a very fast way to find random villain strangers (some that even might look like heroes on first glimpse).
kenjackson 13y ago
There are different types of cyberbullying. If they are just sending your threatening messages you may just be able to close the account. But if you are actually frightened by the threat associated with the messages, you may feel more scared by not reading them. Other types of cyberbullying play out in the real world, but still in a way you can't confront the bullies. For example if there an anonymous Twitter account that posts nasty rumors about you. You can cancel Twitter, but everyone else can read it. Now as adults we can say, "Big deal", but think back to when you were 15. How tough would it be to have mean things broadcast to everyone at the school everyday about you.
mcphilip 13y ago
It's not as simple as just shutting down accounts. The bully can contact those that know the target, spurring them on to continue abuse. Consider the case of Amanda Todd: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Suicide_of_Amanda_Todd http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Suicide_of_Amanda_Todd
jdietrich 13y ago
There's a theory circulating that some victims of online bullying might be engaging in a form of self harm, by deliberately exposing themselves to situations in which they know they will be victimised. http://www.newstatesman.com/2013/08/reality-askfm-self-harm http://www.newstatesman.com/2013/08/reality-askfm-self-harm
- clicks 13y ago
  You're talking about martyr complex: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Martyr_complex https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Martyr_complex I'm pretty sure I went through this in my teenage years, but whether this is a more common problem to the victims of bullying -- that I'm uncertain about.
- marvin 13y ago
  This is an interesting view, and the same could be said of many types of bullying victims. It's a complex issue. That's not to say that this is true of every or even most victims of bullying. It would be victim blaming at its finest. Most bullying victims would be able to do something to make the bullying end. But many times, the victim doesn't have this knowledge or is for some other reason able to defend him/herself. I was bullied throughout middle school, but it stopped when I got the social finesse to defuse it. If I had kept on the way I was acting before, I would have become a victim of bullying at my workplace when I was 23. I've heard similar stories from others. You're not the source of the bullying, but there are different social mechanisms which can make you a very tempting target. Like all difficult interpersonal problems this needs to be attacked from multiple angles. Just wanted to emphasize that bullying is not at its core a form of self-harm.
elorant 13y ago
You have to realize that for teenagers all their lives are on the Interwebs. So it’s not just about closing your account on some service and move on. You have an account on Facebook with your real name and all your friends are there. Shutting down the account is like been grounded at home with no access to Internet. For youngsters, Facebook is the Internet. Besides closing down the account doesn’t mean that there won’t be shit said about you, it just means that you won’t know it directly. But one way or the other it will reach you. Furthermore, you have to understand that bullying is aimed towards the weak ones. If you have a strong character sure you can ignore it. But for a young girl with low self esteem this could ruin their lives. Bullying was always around but in an interconnected world it becomes a menace for those afflicted. I for one would like some stronger legislation on this.
- jader201 13y ago
  But Facebook facilitates blocking individuals -- you don't have to completely close your account. The same is true -- or, should be true -- for many other social applications. If an app has a social element and is likely used by teens/children, then it should have a way to block individuals. Now, whether the victims choose to block the bullies, that's another problem altogether.
calibraxis 13y ago
Kathy Sierra's experiences are very relevant. She didn't just log off; she fled her career and home. "What happened to me pales in comparison to what’s happening to women online today," Sierra said. "I thought things would get better. Mostly, it’s just gotten worse." (http://pastebin.com/cfNvRDgS http://pastebin.com/cfNvRDgS and http://www.theverge.com/2013/9/12/4693710/the-end-of-kindness-weev-and-the-cult-of-the-angry-young-man http://www.theverge.com/2013/9/12/4693710/the-end-of-kindnes...)
marvin 13y ago
This isn't a solution. The bully usually knows the victim, so this solution is the equivalent of "just stop hanging out with people". The world has changed since we were kids; communication today is mostly digital. And if the bullying didn't happen online, it would happen in person. It's just the same problem we've had before, inflicting a new domain. The solution will be the same as always: Active intervention, both towards the perpetrators and the victims.

grannyg00se 13y ago

Wondered the same. Her mom closed her facebook acct and took other measures, and the girl went back to other sites. I suppose that if there is a massive concentration of social activity online and you want to be part of it you will endure the bullying rather than be an outcast. Very complicated situation, I'm sure. Can victims become addicted to the attention, even if it is negative?

gametheoretic 13y ago
Break it down further - the attention isn't monolithic. There are bullies, there are friends, there are friends who bully, bullies you want to be friends with, shit's complicated. That emotional confusion can get you stuck in a loop. You don't realize you're on a rollercoaster, addicted not to the highs or the lows but the difference between them. Stability, flat ground, feels like flatlining. You're a junkie, and nobody knows it, least of all you, because every inch of it is in your head, where you make sure never to find it. E.g., "Love The Way You Lie."

DanBC 13y ago

See link given below where the sister of a girl who completed suicide described the "addictiveness" of social media apps. > it might not seem this simple Quite. Someone feels sad and alone. Social media might be the channel for abuse and bullying, but it might also be where their friends are.

aznjons 13y ago

When you're a young person, peer pressure and need for peer acceptance/interaction is a powerful force that can defy rational action. Young people have limited perspective beyond the immediate social environments of their family and friends. If all of the interaction at school is in these virtual spaces they may be compelled to try and socialize in the hope of peer acceptance. Loneliness and social needs can be hard to deal with for some kids and the hope of positive interaction may drive them to keep trying to reach out to their peers even in the face of vicious bullying.

Bud 13y ago

You must not have been a teenage girl lately. To be fair, neither have I, but: Teenage girls will do ANYTHING to ensure they remain part of the social milieu they want to be in. Going into hermit mode and ignoring everyone else isn't an option that teenage girls are good at conceptualizing.

speeder 13y ago

From what I've tried learn about, the problem is NOT only the cyber-bulling... It is the whole society that is sick, for several reasons (most of these, do not matter now). But thinking short-term and about a single individual, usually the reason why a individual keeps going online and attracting bullies, is that other stuff is broken on his life, for example that individual might be extremely lonely, giving rise to "attention whoring" behaviour (that quickly attract bullies). I once made friendship with a girl that was a unhealthy amount of time online, even weirder, she started to treat me like the responsible person for her, even with we living 1500 miles apart... Over time I discovered her father was a dead-beat sort of guy, and her mother was extremely tyrannical, yet kinda lazy, refusing to take her to the doctor for example when she discovered she had yeast infection. More digging on her life, trying to understand some of her bizarre behaviour, and I found out that her extended family abused her when she was around 4 to 8 years old, including people that were cops and supposed to be moral compass, the environment already her was entirely toxic, she for example regularly participated in lucrative (for her) pyramid schemes and believed them to be legitimate and normal, when I explained what it was, she was confused, and did not wanted to believe the community she was living was dishonest, later more question asked, I figured that she really lived in a kind of cesspool of dishonesty and backstabbing, with everyone being more or less friendly on the front, but always ready to backstab in name of survival, the place was poor, people used stolen electricity, internet was ran by a illegal ISP, her father ran a unlicensed bar on the lowest floor of her home, and bar brawls inside were common... It became clear to me, that what drove her to attract bullies on internet, was desperation, she was stuck physically in a hard to leave place (a bus to the city downtown was 30 minute walk away, and then it was a 2 hour trip in difficulty terrain, also her parents forbid her from taking a bus anyway, she never used a bus and was already a adult), the only confort she had, was that sometimes random strangers on internet cared for her (like me), but obviously, seeking random hero strangers on internet, is also a very fast way to find random villain strangers (some that even might look like heroes on first glimpse).

kenjackson 13y ago

There are different types of cyberbullying. If they are just sending your threatening messages you may just be able to close the account. But if you are actually frightened by the threat associated with the messages, you may feel more scared by not reading them. Other types of cyberbullying play out in the real world, but still in a way you can't confront the bullies. For example if there an anonymous Twitter account that posts nasty rumors about you. You can cancel Twitter, but everyone else can read it. Now as adults we can say, "Big deal", but think back to when you were 15. How tough would it be to have mean things broadcast to everyone at the school everyday about you.

mcphilip 13y ago

It's not as simple as just shutting down accounts. The bully can contact those that know the target, spurring them on to continue abuse. Consider the case of Amanda Todd: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Suicide_of_Amanda_Todd http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Suicide_of_Amanda_Todd

jdietrich 13y ago

There's a theory circulating that some victims of online bullying might be engaging in a form of self harm, by deliberately exposing themselves to situations in which they know they will be victimised. http://www.newstatesman.com/2013/08/reality-askfm-self-harm http://www.newstatesman.com/2013/08/reality-askfm-self-harm

clicks 13y ago
You're talking about martyr complex: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Martyr_complex https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Martyr_complex I'm pretty sure I went through this in my teenage years, but whether this is a more common problem to the victims of bullying -- that I'm uncertain about.
marvin 13y ago
This is an interesting view, and the same could be said of many types of bullying victims. It's a complex issue. That's not to say that this is true of every or even most victims of bullying. It would be victim blaming at its finest. Most bullying victims would be able to do something to make the bullying end. But many times, the victim doesn't have this knowledge or is for some other reason able to defend him/herself. I was bullied throughout middle school, but it stopped when I got the social finesse to defuse it. If I had kept on the way I was acting before, I would have become a victim of bullying at my workplace when I was 23. I've heard similar stories from others. You're not the source of the bullying, but there are different social mechanisms which can make you a very tempting target. Like all difficult interpersonal problems this needs to be attacked from multiple angles. Just wanted to emphasize that bullying is not at its core a form of self-harm.

elorant 13y ago

You have to realize that for teenagers all their lives are on the Interwebs. So it’s not just about closing your account on some service and move on. You have an account on Facebook with your real name and all your friends are there. Shutting down the account is like been grounded at home with no access to Internet. For youngsters, Facebook is the Internet. Besides closing down the account doesn’t mean that there won’t be shit said about you, it just means that you won’t know it directly. But one way or the other it will reach you. Furthermore, you have to understand that bullying is aimed towards the weak ones. If you have a strong character sure you can ignore it. But for a young girl with low self esteem this could ruin their lives. Bullying was always around but in an interconnected world it becomes a menace for those afflicted. I for one would like some stronger legislation on this.

jader201 13y ago
But Facebook facilitates blocking individuals -- you don't have to completely close your account. The same is true -- or, should be true -- for many other social applications. If an app has a social element and is likely used by teens/children, then it should have a way to block individuals. Now, whether the victims choose to block the bullies, that's another problem altogether.

calibraxis 13y ago

Kathy Sierra's experiences are very relevant. She didn't just log off; she fled her career and home. "What happened to me pales in comparison to what’s happening to women online today," Sierra said. "I thought things would get better. Mostly, it’s just gotten worse." (http://pastebin.com/cfNvRDgS http://pastebin.com/cfNvRDgS and http://www.theverge.com/2013/9/12/4693710/the-end-of-kindness-weev-and-the-cult-of-the-angry-young-man http://www.theverge.com/2013/9/12/4693710/the-end-of-kindnes...)

marvin 13y ago

This isn't a solution. The bully usually knows the victim, so this solution is the equivalent of "just stop hanging out with people". The world has changed since we were kids; communication today is mostly digital. And if the bullying didn't happen online, it would happen in person. It's just the same problem we've had before, inflicting a new domain. The solution will be the same as always: Active intervention, both towards the perpetrators and the victims.