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"“Don’t ignore your kids,” Ms. Norman said, “even if they seem fine.”" That seems like the best piece of advice in the article.

jdludlow 13y ago
That and don't give kids unmonitored access to the internet and text-capable cell phones. There's really no reason at all for them to have those things, aside from "everyone else does."
- Bud 13y ago
  Yes. Because keeping your kids from playing with the other kids the way everyone else is playing has always worked so very well, as an infallible means of preventing bullying. This is just a simplistic idea. "Unmonitored" is the only useful word in it. It's true that parents need to monitor what their kids are doing.
  - muuh-gnu 13y ago
    By your logic it would be wrong to prevent your kid from taking drugs (or partaking in any other personally destructive vice) because all of their friends take drugs and would bully her if she doesnt. Dont you see how taking the route of least resistance (negotiating with terrorists) can not work in the long term? The list of things she shouldnt be allowed to do but you have to allow to prevent bullying would grow day by day and make her life more and more miserable because she would be bullied into doing countless things she doesnt really even want to and instead of helping by preventing it, her parent indirectly helps the bullies by inaction. The bullies have to be attacked directly, not indirectly. Appeasement never works and has never worked.
buo 13y ago
I know I'm in the minority here, but my offspring will only have smartphones when they are old enough to buy them and pay for their plans themselves.
- sixbrx 13y ago
  I can agree with that, I've given a smartphone to my teenage daughter, but have had to take it away on weekdays because it's turned into an all-consuming "permanent distraction device". It's amazing how much kids are addicted to social media, it seemed to be leading to the development of a very short attention span before I pulled the plug. We'll see how things go "unplugged".
ChuckMcM 13y ago
I raised 3 daughters, I was tremendously fortunate in that my wife was able to manage home schooling them through their middle school years. (Trust me, nobody asks "but what about interactions with other kids" when we're talking about middle school :-). We also always had dinner together and both my wife and I had a set of 'ice breakers' if you will which if the kids weren't talking we'd bring out. And we'd ask the negative questions too (what was the worst thing about today?) But generally talking, starting from a young age, and working very very hard to keep trust levels high helped (not perfect but nothing is). And I gave my girls monitored access to the Internet (not in their rooms, but in a common area). That too was a subject of discussion and negotiation. (my eldest loved to write up contracts we would all sign). The common theme though is it takes active parenting, and for some parents it is hard to see the 'value' of being involved in their kids lives. And part of that is never excepting "oh its nothing." as an answer. Easy to say, hard to do.

jdludlow 13y ago

That and don't give kids unmonitored access to the internet and text-capable cell phones. There's really no reason at all for them to have those things, aside from "everyone else does."

Bud 13y ago
Yes. Because keeping your kids from playing with the other kids the way everyone else is playing has always worked so very well, as an infallible means of preventing bullying. This is just a simplistic idea. "Unmonitored" is the only useful word in it. It's true that parents need to monitor what their kids are doing.
- muuh-gnu 13y ago
  By your logic it would be wrong to prevent your kid from taking drugs (or partaking in any other personally destructive vice) because all of their friends take drugs and would bully her if she doesnt. Dont you see how taking the route of least resistance (negotiating with terrorists) can not work in the long term? The list of things she shouldnt be allowed to do but you have to allow to prevent bullying would grow day by day and make her life more and more miserable because she would be bullied into doing countless things she doesnt really even want to and instead of helping by preventing it, her parent indirectly helps the bullies by inaction. The bullies have to be attacked directly, not indirectly. Appeasement never works and has never worked.

buo 13y ago

I know I'm in the minority here, but my offspring will only have smartphones when they are old enough to buy them and pay for their plans themselves.

sixbrx 13y ago
I can agree with that, I've given a smartphone to my teenage daughter, but have had to take it away on weekdays because it's turned into an all-consuming "permanent distraction device". It's amazing how much kids are addicted to social media, it seemed to be leading to the development of a very short attention span before I pulled the plug. We'll see how things go "unplugged".

ChuckMcM 13y ago

I raised 3 daughters, I was tremendously fortunate in that my wife was able to manage home schooling them through their middle school years. (Trust me, nobody asks "but what about interactions with other kids" when we're talking about middle school :-). We also always had dinner together and both my wife and I had a set of 'ice breakers' if you will which if the kids weren't talking we'd bring out. And we'd ask the negative questions too (what was the worst thing about today?) But generally talking, starting from a young age, and working very very hard to keep trust levels high helped (not perfect but nothing is). And I gave my girls monitored access to the Internet (not in their rooms, but in a common area). That too was a subject of discussion and negotiation. (my eldest loved to write up contracts we would all sign). The common theme though is it takes active parenting, and for some parents it is hard to see the 'value' of being involved in their kids lives. And part of that is never excepting "oh its nothing." as an answer. Easy to say, hard to do.