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I tend to agree with the points you are making -- I certainly don't mean to derail this by a straw man argument, like it already happened above. But I think the
by weland 13y ago
I tend to agree with the points you are making -- I certainly don't mean to derail this by a straw man argument, like it already happened above. But I think the importance of this particular incident is... well, somewhat overstated. Because:
> So, you see, I was all too familiar with what my daughter was going through, but I was unprepared for the harassment to start in high school, in her programming class.
Really? High school?
I went to high school, too. I distinctly remember how everyone was calling everyone else whatever they could. I've been called a faggot, a lunatic, a drug-addict, a bitch, a teacher's pet, a limp dick and a long list of other things, and I've been the target of a whole bunch of male stereotypes.
Like, you know, every fucking teenager on the planet. I cracked sexist jokes with other dudes -- hell, I cracked sexist jokes with girls -- and I've been the target of sexist jokes, too. Some of them were mean, some of them were in good spirit. Hell, at one point I was the only dude in a Latin class. Few things are more awesome than having the openly lesbian, short-haired colleague asking you whether you'd like to shine her boots and fetch her paper later (particularly after addressing you with "hey sissy" rather than your name).
But what the hell, that's what you do when you're a teenagers. We were a bunch of stupid fucks whose most important achievement in life was learning how to play the intro to Stairway to Heaven or trying to fuck while dead drunk. We insulted each other with no reason. Our behaviour was definitely unprofessional, because we went to school, not to work.
Seriously, if we're going to get upset and bring out the discrimination pitchforks every time a teenager says something mean to another teenager, we're going to be really busy. People are going to be mean to each other, particularly those who don't have this privilege of sheltered education.
I honestly sympathize with this young girl. Humour and sexist jokes apart, I had my share of insults and bullying because of a somewhat visible physical defect (one of my eyes isn't exactly agile). But being a good parent is not a good way to deal with this, no matter how much we'd like that, because it depends on other people being good parents, too.
My folks were awesome. Both were cultivated fellows, and my father was in the army and taught me how to punch. I got through school without traumas related to these experience using nothing but wits and kickboxing.
- IanDrake 13y agoThanks for writing this. I was thinking the same thing. Most everyone has had this problem at one point in time. It seems to me that mom needs to teach her daughter to have a thicker skin...which is the EXACT same lesson I got from my parents.
- ArtDev 13y agoWhen your kid feels harassed and bullied telling them to just "have thicker skin" is not going to cut it.
- IanDrake 13y agoHmmm, I don't remember saying that. My parents didn't teach me to run to them or to teachers when stuff like this happens. They taught me how to deal with it myself. Treating high schoolers like they're helpless kids might be fashionable now, but it might not seam as wise when they're 30 and living at home.
- sillysaurus2 13y agoYou should give an example of what would cut it.
- weland 13y agoOf course not, but bringing the gender equality into discussion is pointless. Teenagers find any reason for bullying. I was bullied for having a lazy eye and enjoying baroque music back when everyone my was hooked up on Smooth Criminal. My cousin had her share of it because she played the drums (how unthinkable for a woman!) My parents tried all they could to shelter me behind regulations, and even they -- a colonel and an elementary school teacher -- failed and eventually admitted I have to stand up for myself if everything else fails. I stood up to (and beaten the crap out of) bullies and even stood up to teachers if I had to. The people who don't care about the rules are the people against which bullied and harassed teenagers have no one to count on other than themselves.
- baudtack 13y agoi completely disagree that it's pointless to bring up. That is the entire point. Yes, kids say stupid things, but part of the job of the adults in their life should be to help them see why those things are stupid and learn to not act so horribly as "a joke" so they don't grow up to get up on stage and pretend to jerk off at a tech conference.
- 13y ago
- zabraxias 13y agoThese two incidents are really nothing alike. I am a guy in a tech field surrounded by other guys and I imagine it would be very intimidating for a female colleague to be around us. It would take a lot more than this comment box to go into the details of why.
- ArtDev 13y ago"We were a bunch of stupid fucks".. Guess what? In High School many of us were quite together and tried our best to have fun while avoiding people like you.