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From Disney movies to my favorite shows like “The Office” to practically every pop song released, love is constantly sold as an emotion we have before we’re mar

From Disney movies to my favorite shows like “The Office” to practically every pop song released, love is constantly sold as an emotion we have before we’re married. An emotion that, once had, somehow magically stays within a marriage forever. I agree. However I think there is another cause that breaks many relationships: the illusion that happiness in found in the perfection of everything: a perfect sex life, a partner with a perfect body, the stellar job, a sports car, etc. The grass is always greener on the other side. Very often, happiness can be found in the here and now. Learn to enjoy the small things.

vinceguidry 13y ago
The emotion is sold because the emotion exists. They wouldn't be able to sell it if it didn't. The problem is that not everyone can really have that, or optimize for those sorts of feelings in their relationship with their partners. It's like watching Mad Men and thinking you could live like that. You have a brain and that brain has been conditioned over the years. What brings you happiness, what brings you joy, is not really up to you. The ability you have to give someone else the experience they need to feel happiness and joy, is not up to you. So you can't really choose what sort of relationship you want to have. You can't have a Jim and Pam relationship because you're not Jim and very few women are Pam. Instead you can have a relationship that suits your needs. If you do manage to find one, treasure it because it's absolutely special. Don't think it has to look like anything, because it doesn't. It doesn't have to be mundane service. That was something the author and his SO needed.
- benjamincburns 13y ago
  > The emotion is sold because the emotion exists. They wouldn't be able to sell it if it didn't. Very true. > What brings you happiness, what brings you joy, is not really up to you. Not quite so true, because of this: > Don't think it has to look like anything, because it doesn't. In general, people who are "sold" aren't going to be as happy as people who are capable of identifying their needs for themselves. In the case where a person is used to being sold, it's probably true that they're not as capable of taking this kind of responsibility for themselves. However this is a skill that can be learned. It's the reason why I'm far happier now as a married man living a very simple life than I was when I was making gobs of money, renting an expensive beach house with a massive pool, and getting drunk all the time while chasing women. I was sold on an ideal, and it was god awful depressing. As soon as I learned to let that go, things got much, much better.
michalu 13y ago
I think the problem is that people expect the marriage to make them happy, or as it is sold "the other person that comes and all your problem cease to exist" I don't think marriage or anyone else will make you happy in the long term, you have to do the work yourself. A supportive partner is a great thing but not a solution. I believe many marriages fail because people eventually realize there is no magic wand solution to their own problems.

vinceguidry 13y ago

The emotion is sold because the emotion exists. They wouldn't be able to sell it if it didn't. The problem is that not everyone can really have that, or optimize for those sorts of feelings in their relationship with their partners. It's like watching Mad Men and thinking you could live like that. You have a brain and that brain has been conditioned over the years. What brings you happiness, what brings you joy, is not really up to you. The ability you have to give someone else the experience they need to feel happiness and joy, is not up to you. So you can't really choose what sort of relationship you want to have. You can't have a Jim and Pam relationship because you're not Jim and very few women are Pam. Instead you can have a relationship that suits your needs. If you do manage to find one, treasure it because it's absolutely special. Don't think it has to look like anything, because it doesn't. It doesn't have to be mundane service. That was something the author and his SO needed.

benjamincburns 13y ago
> The emotion is sold because the emotion exists. They wouldn't be able to sell it if it didn't. Very true. > What brings you happiness, what brings you joy, is not really up to you. Not quite so true, because of this: > Don't think it has to look like anything, because it doesn't. In general, people who are "sold" aren't going to be as happy as people who are capable of identifying their needs for themselves. In the case where a person is used to being sold, it's probably true that they're not as capable of taking this kind of responsibility for themselves. However this is a skill that can be learned. It's the reason why I'm far happier now as a married man living a very simple life than I was when I was making gobs of money, renting an expensive beach house with a massive pool, and getting drunk all the time while chasing women. I was sold on an ideal, and it was god awful depressing. As soon as I learned to let that go, things got much, much better.

michalu 13y ago

I think the problem is that people expect the marriage to make them happy, or as it is sold "the other person that comes and all your problem cease to exist" I don't think marriage or anyone else will make you happy in the long term, you have to do the work yourself. A supportive partner is a great thing but not a solution. I believe many marriages fail because people eventually realize there is no magic wand solution to their own problems.