4 ms·

Apologies for external link. I am limited to 2000 character description.

by wittedhaddock 13y ago

mattdeboard 13y ago
Brevity is the soul of wit.
- wittedhaddock 13y ago
  Shakespeare?
  - deleted 13y ago
    [deleted]
  - bithive123 13y ago
    I'll sacrifice some potential wit and explain that your writing style is rather self important. It's not uncommon at your age (not trying to be insulting here) but you need to balance your desire to self-promote with a demonstrated ability to get to the point. People will notice more if you show instead of tell. Your letter has a lot of words in it which are clearly used in an attempt to impress. Coupled with the numerous grammatical errors (read it aloud, carefully) and breathless tone, it will likely remind many on HN of their younger selves, emphasis on younger. I hope you do find someone with your intensity, because those have been some of the most rewarding friendships I've had (I'm 30 now but remember what it was like to be your age).
    - wittedhaddock 13y ago
      Thank you for your feedback. It would be so much more helpful if you could provide specific examples within my writing that are grammatically incorrect. Lastly, to comment, I am very curious to know why I am receiving more feedback on my style of writing rather than the ideas I am attempting to communicate.
      - bithive123 13y ago
        > I am a ... left-brained neurosis (did you mean 'neurotic?' not sure what this means) diet regimented monk (did you mean 'diet regiment monk'? not sure what this means) zealous disruptive product fiend (did you mean 'zealous fiend for disruptive products'? not sure what this means). > "All of the above is far too subjective to have any empirical value. So, here is a quick and porous synopsis of my "experience" over the years" This would read better without the disclaimer, flowery words, and air quotes, e.g.: "Here is a summary of my limited experiences" > "Age 11 (as far back as I can recall in my life)" Really? Anyway, why is this important? This whole paragraph would be better if you left out the commentary: "Age 11 - Discovered that I could ping youtube.com and use the resulting IP to get around my school's DNS blocking. I didn't really know what I was doing, but I knew what I wanted to do with the rest of my life." Also, phrases like "my technology inception" stick out like a sore thumb and will make you sound grandiose, regardless of how many disclaimers you include. > Eight months later, my port-forwarded router became an LLC with 6 full-time employees. I know what you are trying to do here, but unless you really mean that your router had business papers and employees better keep it simple, especially since this is a story about how you took money from people to run a business whose operations were highly dubious at best. > Meanwhile, my grades in all but anything STEM were an abysmal. This is the kind of error you'll catch if you read your prose aloud carefully. Also, "to the demise of the business and the other employees" makes it sound like your mother killed them. I think you meant 'dismay'. Normally I would not comment on these kinds of things, but since you asked... Your surprise that your your style is attracting more attention than your ideas is another thing that you'll eventually grow out of as you age and learn more about human behavior. In part it's because people feel smart when they notice things; anything that is simply asserted by you will be immediately suspect and scrutinized against other information, namely your other works and overall tone. This is not unfair, it's actually a big part of communication. You transmitted more information than you intended, and that has business implications.
        wittedhaddock 13y ago
        This is constructive feedback. Thank you for taking your time to do this. What should I do to improve the letter's overall organization of ideas?

Apologies for external link. I am limited to 2000 character description.

mattdeboard 13y ago

Brevity is the soul of wit.

wittedhaddock 13y ago
Shakespeare?
- deleted 13y ago
  [deleted]
- bithive123 13y ago
  I'll sacrifice some potential wit and explain that your writing style is rather self important. It's not uncommon at your age (not trying to be insulting here) but you need to balance your desire to self-promote with a demonstrated ability to get to the point. People will notice more if you show instead of tell. Your letter has a lot of words in it which are clearly used in an attempt to impress. Coupled with the numerous grammatical errors (read it aloud, carefully) and breathless tone, it will likely remind many on HN of their younger selves, emphasis on younger. I hope you do find someone with your intensity, because those have been some of the most rewarding friendships I've had (I'm 30 now but remember what it was like to be your age).
  - wittedhaddock 13y ago
    Thank you for your feedback. It would be so much more helpful if you could provide specific examples within my writing that are grammatically incorrect. Lastly, to comment, I am very curious to know why I am receiving more feedback on my style of writing rather than the ideas I am attempting to communicate.
    - bithive123 13y ago
      > I am a ... left-brained neurosis (did you mean 'neurotic?' not sure what this means) diet regimented monk (did you mean 'diet regiment monk'? not sure what this means) zealous disruptive product fiend (did you mean 'zealous fiend for disruptive products'? not sure what this means). > "All of the above is far too subjective to have any empirical value. So, here is a quick and porous synopsis of my "experience" over the years" This would read better without the disclaimer, flowery words, and air quotes, e.g.: "Here is a summary of my limited experiences" > "Age 11 (as far back as I can recall in my life)" Really? Anyway, why is this important? This whole paragraph would be better if you left out the commentary: "Age 11 - Discovered that I could ping youtube.com and use the resulting IP to get around my school's DNS blocking. I didn't really know what I was doing, but I knew what I wanted to do with the rest of my life." Also, phrases like "my technology inception" stick out like a sore thumb and will make you sound grandiose, regardless of how many disclaimers you include. > Eight months later, my port-forwarded router became an LLC with 6 full-time employees. I know what you are trying to do here, but unless you really mean that your router had business papers and employees better keep it simple, especially since this is a story about how you took money from people to run a business whose operations were highly dubious at best. > Meanwhile, my grades in all but anything STEM were an abysmal. This is the kind of error you'll catch if you read your prose aloud carefully. Also, "to the demise of the business and the other employees" makes it sound like your mother killed them. I think you meant 'dismay'. Normally I would not comment on these kinds of things, but since you asked... Your surprise that your your style is attracting more attention than your ideas is another thing that you'll eventually grow out of as you age and learn more about human behavior. In part it's because people feel smart when they notice things; anything that is simply asserted by you will be immediately suspect and scrutinized against other information, namely your other works and overall tone. This is not unfair, it's actually a big part of communication. You transmitted more information than you intended, and that has business implications.
      - wittedhaddock 13y ago
        This is constructive feedback. Thank you for taking your time to do this. What should I do to improve the letter's overall organization of ideas?