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"The problem, however, is whether you like it or not, you’re still conveying the message that your screen at that moment is more important than the person you’r

"The problem, however, is whether you like it or not, you’re still conveying the message that your screen at that moment is more important than the person you’re with" I think this depends on the specific situation. If I'm in the middle of a sentence and someone breaks their attention to check on the noise coming from their pocket, that's going to be a problem with me. However if there is a lull in the conversation, and we're both sort of sitting around enjoying some wine, go ahead and do a phone check. I don't need 100% attention just because we're in the same room. If you have to ask permission to check your phone just because you're in the same room, do you also have to ask permission to leave the room? What about picking up a book and reading? Does that require a permission check? I'm not sure why there would be a particular bias against screens. If you were at a drafting table working and your child is staring at you, I see nothing wrong with ignoring the child and continuing to work. Screen or no screen. Most of the time the child's immediate situation is not the most important thing in the world. She's just fine, playing and observing. I don't think we do anybody any favours by guilt tripping ourselves just because we're busy and it's rather unrealistic to have the child expect full attention from all who surrounds them.

josho 13y ago
If we are sitting together with a lull in the conversation and you check your phone, then that sends a signal to me that you are not interested in our conversation. I personally find it rude, and it impacts my impression of the other person. But, let's flip it around. If your phone goes off and you ignore it then that sends a message that I'm more important than whatever else that could be going on in your life. That can even make our connection stronger. I've personally used this to my advantage when talking to someone that I want to impress (e.g. a potential investor). If my phone is going off like crazy I simply apologize and tell the other person that I need to mute my phone because it's a distraction from our conversation and that his feedback is more important than whatever else is going on.
- krichman 13y ago
  Haha, how far has society fallen that not being distracted by something is considered out-of-the-ordinary respectful? I agree with you, I think I'd feel the same about a lull, unless they attempt to re-initiate the conversation after a bit. But I also assume people could be expecting an important message or are contractually obligated to be aware of their messages, so I feel they should go ahead and check during a pause (but maybe announce why).

josho 13y ago

If we are sitting together with a lull in the conversation and you check your phone, then that sends a signal to me that you are not interested in our conversation. I personally find it rude, and it impacts my impression of the other person. But, let's flip it around. If your phone goes off and you ignore it then that sends a message that I'm more important than whatever else that could be going on in your life. That can even make our connection stronger. I've personally used this to my advantage when talking to someone that I want to impress (e.g. a potential investor). If my phone is going off like crazy I simply apologize and tell the other person that I need to mute my phone because it's a distraction from our conversation and that his feedback is more important than whatever else is going on.

krichman 13y ago
Haha, how far has society fallen that not being distracted by something is considered out-of-the-ordinary respectful? I agree with you, I think I'd feel the same about a lull, unless they attempt to re-initiate the conversation after a bit. But I also assume people could be expecting an important message or are contractually obligated to be aware of their messages, so I feel they should go ahead and check during a pause (but maybe announce why).