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The privilege of not being catcalled every time they walk down the street (this is very real and very disturbing). The privilege of not being approached by ever

The privilege of not being catcalled every time they walk down the street (this is very real and very disturbing). The privilege of not being approached by every man who wants to sleep with you. The privilege of men not feeling entitled to your attention whenever they want it. The privilege of not being constantly objectified. The privilege of being able to go to a bar just to hang out with friends and not be approached by every dude in the bar. The privilege of being payed more (I recommended my friend for the exact same position I was in and she ended up being offered 20% less than I was before negotiation). I could go on forever.. You can't choose your sex, but you can absolutely choose your gender.. Please learn about the difference between the two. There are no laws that favor men in western society? What if I told you that divorce law favors men? What if I told you that when men actively seek custody they are awarded full or joint custody 70% of the time. http://www.amptoons.com/blog/files/Massachusetts_Gender_Bias_Study.htm http://www.amptoons.com/blog/files/Massachusetts_Gender_Bias... And I'm pretty sure feminism is anti-rape culture. Most women are taught that in a rape situation it's better to not fight back, some schools of feminist thought teach the opposite. They teach women to fight back and to not accept the role of victim.

Tichy 13y ago
"you can absolutely choose your gender" I've been reading the intro of the book you recommended. Frankly, that gender discussion seems extremely weird and trite. Why don't you just behave the way you like to, rather than get lost in philosophical mazes about gender? As you say, if you can choose your gender, why don't you just do so and be done with it? So what exactly makes your friends be the victim of being approached? Are they men who want to become women? What attracts the men, boobs, or their clothing? I fully understand that it can be annoying to be approached all the time. However, it is the flip side of being attractive, which brings lots of advantages. Curiously, few industries cater to making people less attractive, a lot cater to making them more attractive. So perhaps your friends who want to be left alone are not very typical. Yes, it is unfair that women are more attractive than men (as I elaborated in another comment, they have a much higher biological value than men, hence they are being sought out). But it has upsides and downsides (as has being a man). I am pretty sure you can also exert at least some control over the amount of street hassling you get by the way you present yourself. I can assure you that not every man who wants to sleep with a woman approaches that woman. And not every dude approaches every woman in a bar. Objectification is just a nonsense concept, sorry. That's pure ideology. What is it even supposed to mean? Attraction isn't real unless you recite poems together? We had the pay discussion already, don't know enough about your friend to comment. As for your divorce laws, that document is rather long, I couldn't read it all yet. If what you say is true I suspect you have found an outlier state. Also perhaps men who seek custody are the ones whose lawyers already said they have a chance because of the way their case is structured, it doesn't say anything about the real proportion of men who get custody. As for rape, I have no idea if it is better to fight back or not - I'd recommend asking experts about that. I know that we don't live in a rape culture, though - as I've also explained in another comment already.
- quinnchr 13y ago
  She's a victim of being approached all the time, because she presents as a woman not because she's attractive. Subjectively speaking I'm a much more attractive man than she is a woman, yet I get approached by women very rarely, and she gets approached by men constantly. And not in a good way, men will come up to her tell her disgusting stuff about what they want to do to her and not leave her alone when she's obviously not interested. If you honestly think you can just chose your gender and be done with it, I again urge you to meet some transgendered people and talk to them about their experiences in transitioning. My friend wanted to change her name after she transitioned, and it took 3 tries with the court system. The first judge recused himself because he never granted name changes for transgendered people, the second judge made my friend cry on the stand by accusing her of just wanting to use women's restrooms so she could harass "real" women, and the third one finally granted a name change after months of trying. But, if you want to change your name to "Tyrannosaurus Rex" no problem: http://www.yorknewstimes.com/news/article_e9991cb6-9860-11e1-aff3-0019bb2963f4.html http://www.yorknewstimes.com/news/article_e9991cb6-9860-11e1... As for the divorce issue. The most recent nationwide data I could find says it's a 50/50 split when men seek custody: http://parenting.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/11/17/more-fathers-getting-custody-in-divorce/?_r=0 http://parenting.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/11/17/more-fathers-g... Furthermore, the reason men are awarded custody less, is not because of bias in the court it's because men choose to seek custody less. Look at the statistics here: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/cathy-meyer/dispelling-the-myth-of-ge_b_1617115.html http://www.huffingtonpost.com/cathy-meyer/dispelling-the-myt... Married men spend half as much time with their children as married women. Our culture dictates that women are the ones responsible for parenting, thus they are expected to take time out of their career for children, in divorce proceeding it's expected that they are the primary caregiver. Women being subjugated to the role of homemaker is a result of patriarchy and absolutely harms men too. I would love to live in a world where men spend just as much time with their children, where it's ok to be a stay at home dad, where it's expected that men will take a break from their career to care for their children. The fact is we don't live in that world, we live in a world where being a homemaker is intricately tied to the gender role of women. Feminists want to change that, and I suspect you have more in common with feminists than you would like to think. Feminists are all about extending, as you say the "privileges" they enjoy, to everyone. And by the way, your comment is a perfect example of rape culture. You suggest that she should alter the way she presents herself so she doesn't get harassed. By saying that you are acknowledging the idea that men are rapists and women are victims. Why is it expected that she should change her appearance if she doesn't want to be harassed? Why is it accepted that men will harass women if they find them attractive? Why is it accepted that if a woman goes to a party and gets too drunk, that there's a good chance she'll be raped? I've been too drunk at many parties and not once have I had to even think about being raped. Feminists would argue that all men are not rapists, another point I suspect you would agree with feminists on. I run around my neighborhood all the time in nothing but shoes and shorts, yet I've never been harassed or approached once. I guarantee you that is simply not possible for a woman to do. Of course you are allowed to be attracted to someone based on how they look. That's not objectification. As a man, in my personal experience about 90% of the compliments I receive are related to my accomplishments or general intelligence, the other 10% are about my appearance. That 10% generally come from people I'm already intimate with, I can't honestly think of more than about 5 instances in my life when my appearance was complemented by a stranger. Do you really think that's true for women? I urge you to talk to the women you know and try to learn about their experiences. Anyway, I'm glad you've at least tried to read the information I've given you, and you seem to be at least a little bit open minded, which I appreciate. I don't want to keep belaboring points, but you seem willing to challenge your worldview, so if there are any other feminist stereotypes you'd like me to dispel or you are interested in learning more about feminism you are more than welcome to contact me at the email in my profile and I'd be happy to point you towards some good resources.
Tichy 13y ago
Another question, since I don't personally know any transgender persons: if gender is just a mindset, what drives them to want another biological sex? Isn't the feminist dogma that biological sex is basically irrelevant and only gender (mindset) should matter?
- quinnchr 13y ago
  That's like asking why gay people chose to be gay. Or me asking why you chose to be straight. The feminist mindset is that biological sex, gender, and sexuality do not depend on each other. edit: To clarify you do not choose the gender you identify as, but you can choose the gender you present as.
  - Tichy 13y ago
    I know what attracts me about other people, and by analogy I can also imagine (somewhat) how gay people feel. I find it harder to imagine why I'd rather have a vagina and boobs than a penis. Seems fair to ask people who feel like that if they can express it somehow. And if it is more, for example wanting to dress like a woman, there has to be some kind of reason? You can't claim that female behavior (let's say wearing pink high heel boots and mini skirts as an extreme example) is merely a cultural construct but at the same time claim it does not have a reason. I don't know if the transgender thing is just about wanting different sexual appendices or also about living the gender stereotypes.
    - quinnchr 13y ago
      Yes you know what attracts you, but do you know why those things are attractive to you? I am by know mean speaking for transgendered people and if you want the best answer you should ask them. As far as I am aware it is mostly about identifying with a different gender role and for some (definitely not all) that includes having the sexual characteristics associated with that gender role. There are plenty of transgendered people who identify as the opposite gender but are completely comfortable with their own physical sexual characteristics.

Tichy 13y ago

"you can absolutely choose your gender" I've been reading the intro of the book you recommended. Frankly, that gender discussion seems extremely weird and trite. Why don't you just behave the way you like to, rather than get lost in philosophical mazes about gender? As you say, if you can choose your gender, why don't you just do so and be done with it? So what exactly makes your friends be the victim of being approached? Are they men who want to become women? What attracts the men, boobs, or their clothing? I fully understand that it can be annoying to be approached all the time. However, it is the flip side of being attractive, which brings lots of advantages. Curiously, few industries cater to making people less attractive, a lot cater to making them more attractive. So perhaps your friends who want to be left alone are not very typical. Yes, it is unfair that women are more attractive than men (as I elaborated in another comment, they have a much higher biological value than men, hence they are being sought out). But it has upsides and downsides (as has being a man). I am pretty sure you can also exert at least some control over the amount of street hassling you get by the way you present yourself. I can assure you that not every man who wants to sleep with a woman approaches that woman. And not every dude approaches every woman in a bar. Objectification is just a nonsense concept, sorry. That's pure ideology. What is it even supposed to mean? Attraction isn't real unless you recite poems together? We had the pay discussion already, don't know enough about your friend to comment. As for your divorce laws, that document is rather long, I couldn't read it all yet. If what you say is true I suspect you have found an outlier state. Also perhaps men who seek custody are the ones whose lawyers already said they have a chance because of the way their case is structured, it doesn't say anything about the real proportion of men who get custody. As for rape, I have no idea if it is better to fight back or not - I'd recommend asking experts about that. I know that we don't live in a rape culture, though - as I've also explained in another comment already.

quinnchr 13y ago
She's a victim of being approached all the time, because she presents as a woman not because she's attractive. Subjectively speaking I'm a much more attractive man than she is a woman, yet I get approached by women very rarely, and she gets approached by men constantly. And not in a good way, men will come up to her tell her disgusting stuff about what they want to do to her and not leave her alone when she's obviously not interested. If you honestly think you can just chose your gender and be done with it, I again urge you to meet some transgendered people and talk to them about their experiences in transitioning. My friend wanted to change her name after she transitioned, and it took 3 tries with the court system. The first judge recused himself because he never granted name changes for transgendered people, the second judge made my friend cry on the stand by accusing her of just wanting to use women's restrooms so she could harass "real" women, and the third one finally granted a name change after months of trying. But, if you want to change your name to "Tyrannosaurus Rex" no problem: http://www.yorknewstimes.com/news/article_e9991cb6-9860-11e1-aff3-0019bb2963f4.html http://www.yorknewstimes.com/news/article_e9991cb6-9860-11e1... As for the divorce issue. The most recent nationwide data I could find says it's a 50/50 split when men seek custody: http://parenting.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/11/17/more-fathers-getting-custody-in-divorce/?_r=0 http://parenting.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/11/17/more-fathers-g... Furthermore, the reason men are awarded custody less, is not because of bias in the court it's because men choose to seek custody less. Look at the statistics here: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/cathy-meyer/dispelling-the-myth-of-ge_b_1617115.html http://www.huffingtonpost.com/cathy-meyer/dispelling-the-myt... Married men spend half as much time with their children as married women. Our culture dictates that women are the ones responsible for parenting, thus they are expected to take time out of their career for children, in divorce proceeding it's expected that they are the primary caregiver. Women being subjugated to the role of homemaker is a result of patriarchy and absolutely harms men too. I would love to live in a world where men spend just as much time with their children, where it's ok to be a stay at home dad, where it's expected that men will take a break from their career to care for their children. The fact is we don't live in that world, we live in a world where being a homemaker is intricately tied to the gender role of women. Feminists want to change that, and I suspect you have more in common with feminists than you would like to think. Feminists are all about extending, as you say the "privileges" they enjoy, to everyone. And by the way, your comment is a perfect example of rape culture. You suggest that she should alter the way she presents herself so she doesn't get harassed. By saying that you are acknowledging the idea that men are rapists and women are victims. Why is it expected that she should change her appearance if she doesn't want to be harassed? Why is it accepted that men will harass women if they find them attractive? Why is it accepted that if a woman goes to a party and gets too drunk, that there's a good chance she'll be raped? I've been too drunk at many parties and not once have I had to even think about being raped. Feminists would argue that all men are not rapists, another point I suspect you would agree with feminists on. I run around my neighborhood all the time in nothing but shoes and shorts, yet I've never been harassed or approached once. I guarantee you that is simply not possible for a woman to do. Of course you are allowed to be attracted to someone based on how they look. That's not objectification. As a man, in my personal experience about 90% of the compliments I receive are related to my accomplishments or general intelligence, the other 10% are about my appearance. That 10% generally come from people I'm already intimate with, I can't honestly think of more than about 5 instances in my life when my appearance was complemented by a stranger. Do you really think that's true for women? I urge you to talk to the women you know and try to learn about their experiences. Anyway, I'm glad you've at least tried to read the information I've given you, and you seem to be at least a little bit open minded, which I appreciate. I don't want to keep belaboring points, but you seem willing to challenge your worldview, so if there are any other feminist stereotypes you'd like me to dispel or you are interested in learning more about feminism you are more than welcome to contact me at the email in my profile and I'd be happy to point you towards some good resources.

Tichy 13y ago

Another question, since I don't personally know any transgender persons: if gender is just a mindset, what drives them to want another biological sex? Isn't the feminist dogma that biological sex is basically irrelevant and only gender (mindset) should matter?

quinnchr 13y ago
That's like asking why gay people chose to be gay. Or me asking why you chose to be straight. The feminist mindset is that biological sex, gender, and sexuality do not depend on each other. edit: To clarify you do not choose the gender you identify as, but you can choose the gender you present as.
- Tichy 13y ago
  I know what attracts me about other people, and by analogy I can also imagine (somewhat) how gay people feel. I find it harder to imagine why I'd rather have a vagina and boobs than a penis. Seems fair to ask people who feel like that if they can express it somehow. And if it is more, for example wanting to dress like a woman, there has to be some kind of reason? You can't claim that female behavior (let's say wearing pink high heel boots and mini skirts as an extreme example) is merely a cultural construct but at the same time claim it does not have a reason. I don't know if the transgender thing is just about wanting different sexual appendices or also about living the gender stereotypes.
  - quinnchr 13y ago
    Yes you know what attracts you, but do you know why those things are attractive to you? I am by know mean speaking for transgendered people and if you want the best answer you should ask them. As far as I am aware it is mostly about identifying with a different gender role and for some (definitely not all) that includes having the sexual characteristics associated with that gender role. There are plenty of transgendered people who identify as the opposite gender but are completely comfortable with their own physical sexual characteristics.