3 ms·
I am depressed due to social isolation, which others have mentioned, and constant career struggles. Past attempts to strike out on my own have failed, or just n
by benched 13y ago
I am depressed due to social isolation, which others have mentioned, and constant career struggles. Past attempts to strike out on my own have failed, or just not succeeded enough. Software jobs pay extremely well, but at a cost of having to do someone else's crap work, including having to follow development practices that I'd never endorse myself.
As for the isolation, I'm introverted, mostly involved with a lot of reading, learning, and thinking. I get outside to exercise, but don't have much to talk to others about. I have no interest in the things that occupy the biggest part of shared reality, like sports, popular TV shows, or politics. I've had many girlfriends in the past, but could only get them and keep them by playing up a fake personality that was funny, tough, daring, sociable. It's been my experience that women respond best to a combination of theatrics and measured acquiescence, and that they will give you a lot of feedback on how they want you to be. But as soon as I "be myself" - they're bored or annoyed and then they're gone.
So, now I spend almost all my time by myself, and that's depressing. I wished I belonged to something. Also, I'm 35 and my life is almost identical to what it was a decade ago, except that my body is older and hurts more, so I always wonder why I don't feel a sense of progress.
- lorenzopicoli 13y agoBenched, thank you for the answer and I REALLY hope you can get better, if you want something you can email me lorenzopicoli at me . com
- mb_72 13y agoI don't know if this might work for you, but what has worked for me is playing music; as a form of meditation and especially as a form of social interface. It might be worth a try learning an instrument, then - once you have gained a certain level of capability - joining a band or community music group. Even on days when I feel depressed or not like interacting with others, the social obligations associated with learning songs, rehearsals, gigs etc force me to look 'outside' myself. And I find my introverted personality comes across more as 'interesting' or 'quirky' when set against a creative background. There are many other benefits - learning an instrument is a lifetime discipline, and there are endless depths of musical history and appreciation to investigate. You will also come into contact with a number of interesting and inspiring people. Music is a good counterpoint to and distraction from 'nerd programming life'. If music isn't for you, why not something else creative in the arts arena?
- benched 13y agoThis is really good. I actually play piano and guitar. In fact, 15 years ago a lot of my social life was incidental to guitar playing. It hasn't occurred to me to use music this way lately. Thanks for reminding me.
- mb_72 13y agoI'm happy to hear that. Music has been a constant for me throughout career / software / relationship up and downs. Best of luck moving forwards!