I think what you're describing is exactly the same situation in which start up founders find themselves. The couple needs to agree on the direction and organiz

I think what you're describing is exactly the same situation in which start up founders find themselves. The couple needs to agree on the direction and organization of their family, just like the founders need to agree on the direction and organization of their company. For example, a couple needs to agree on: * How to divide up responsibilities at home * Expectations of income (who works? how much?) * Whether or not to combine their income or keep it separate (and how will they spend it) * Whether or not to have kids (and who will raise them) * How to negotiate extended family commitments on both sides I think your example of the programmer and the doctor underlines the need for more agreement than physical proximity. What if the programmer wants to quit her job and work full time on a start up idea, taking no salary for the next 3 years? The doctor will have to make adjustments in his lifestyle to accommodate that decision. If they are not headed the same direction, that would bring enormous pressure to the marriage.