9 ms·

And this is why you do "ghost employee" audits. In a past career I used to work in the Controller's office for one of the Big 3 auto companies. One day, I was

And this is why you do "ghost employee" audits. In a past career I used to work in the Controller's office for one of the Big 3 auto companies. One day, I was sent some bullshit email that I needed to do about 100 audits including "ghost employee audit" and check a box on a web form that all were complete. For shits and giggles, I decided to take it seriously. I altavista'd "ghost employee audit" and learned it is a reverse recon of the payroll system. I did the audit by making every manager certify a list of employees. I found two employees that none claimed. One dude was well known within the plant and fixed any broken motors. No one had heard of the other guy. I convinced the payroll clerk to just stop paying the other person. He got pissed, and eventually tried to get a union rep, but the union decided not to rep him. It turns out this "ghost employee" had collected over a million dollars in salary and OT, yet not worked in about a decade. I asked about an award for the savings, but I was shot down because the union didn't want to let it out that they didn't rep a guy, and the company didn't want it known the ghost employee audits weren't actually being done. In the end, I realized I was rearranging the deck chairs on the titanic, and switched careers by becoming a programmer. Haven't looked back since.

bkor 13y ago
I heard of an example where an employee was paid for 6+ years without them showing up. The employee was forgotten or something during some restructuring. The only reason this was discovered is because the employee complained towards HR about not receiving a salary increase. HR then tried to contact the manager, couldn't find one, etc.
- Wingman4l7 13y ago
  I find it difficult to believe that someone is that stupid.
  - SteveGerencser 13y ago
    Then you need to get out more. Stupid knows no limits.
- mistermann 13y ago
  I've heard of several scenarios where some senior employees had screwed something up but (presumably) had too much dirt on other senior employees, that they just sent them home permanently. No job duties, still receive a paycheque, just don't come into the office please.
  - geldedus 13y ago
    like in the Fight Club movie? :)
    - ZoF 13y ago
      I don't think we're supposed to talk about that.
  - _djo_ 13y ago
    That might've been 'gardening leave'. When a senior employee with knowledge of company secrets leaves they're often saddled with a restraint of trade agreement that lasts at least a year and sometimes more. Because it would be illegal to prevent a person from working in their field of expertise, the company bars them from their offices but keeps paying them their regular salary until the restraint of trade period is up.
megablast 13y ago
Is it common to ask for an award for doing your job? Is it like getting a tip?
- fixedd 13y ago
  Ask every sales person ever.
- coolsunglasses 13y ago
  It's not totally surprising when you can quantify how much money you just saved/made the company. There are better ways to handle such things though.
  - tome 13y ago
    > There are better ways to handle such things though. Like what?
    - megablast 13y ago
      Asking for a raise or promotion?
      - caw 13y ago
        Raise or promotion implies you do it on a regular basis, and once you get that raise or promotion you're expected to do this level of work all the time.
- jcampbell1 13y ago
  I don't know. I was always turned down. I think the managers didn't actually have power to give one. I now work at a bootstrapped company where I get all of the (a/re)wards. I will point out that one of my co-workers was given an award for "safety" because he suggested windows be installed on every door so you can see if someone is coming... talk about rearranging deck chairs.
  - 13y ago
kvcrawford 13y ago
So, you fixed the glitch?
- jcampbell1 13y ago
  took his stapler too.
  - agilebyte 13y ago
    He isn't a bit pyro is he?
    - JonnieCache 13y ago
      Do you mean klepto? He didn't burn the stapler...
      - agilebyte 13y ago
        You are right, the stapler survived.
      - phryk 13y ago
        You just outed yourself as somebody who did not watch 'Office Space'; We very much recommend it. ;)
        dirktheman 13y ago
        +1 for Office Space. Or Dilbert, for that matter. I always thought they took a situation and exaggerate it to the absurd. Now I know that they were actually being conservative. Truth really is stranger than fiction...
        JonnieCache 13y ago
        My vicarious televisual office stapler antics have so far extended only to hiding them in jelly and throwing them out of windows.
wikiburner 13y ago
If anyone thinks that this sounds farfetched, it really just scratches the surface of the waste and corruption in Detroit. When I was working for a contractor installing and fixing servers at various plants and facilities, the only union workers who actively appeared to be doing their jobs were the union work rules compliance guys, who hovered over us to see if there was any possible way to file a grievance over violations of the "work rules". We were not allowed to "move" a system on our own - even just an inch in order to move a cable. Plugging in ethernet cables was okay, but if we dared to plug in a power cord on our own we were fucked. If we needed a system moved a couple of feet, or plugged in, we were lucky if it took less than a week for a worker to get around to it. Just about everyone else seemed like they were on a picnic.
- unreal37 13y ago
  I worked at a unionized company once. Yes, we were told never to move a system or install a cable in our computer lab because the right union worker has to be involved in that. More specifically, I was told by my boss to never let anyone see us doing that. We just shut the door. Never really had a problem with it.
- jbl 13y ago
  I had a similar experience. When I was reassigned to a new team in a building a few miles down the road, my computer was supposed to move with me for some reason. It took about a month and a half for that to actually happen. I also recall some union workers trying to move a full rack of equipment. This was a full height rack with some DEC Alphaservers and storage arrays. Rather than pull the systems, they tried to move the rack as a whole. The whole kit and kaboodle came crashing down.
- mrt0mat0 13y ago
  i worked for a company that wanted a new office in Chicago and it fell on me to handle the internet installation. You'd think it would be as easy as, run cable to office and be done. Nope. we had to get att to run it to the d-mark then had a union company run it from the d-mark to the office, but they wouldn't touch the office. i had to get another contractor to come up and finish the wiring of the office itself. that didn't include the actually company i used for internet, that had to have their own tech come in and "install" the box (this consisted of plugging it in and watching the green lights light up). What a mess.
shailesh 13y ago
Circa 2008, an employee in a 10K+ people outsourcing company, was on bench ("not assigned to any projects") for two years. He leveraged that time for studies and subsequently got admission to a very prestigious B-School.
- kamaal 13y ago
  I know tens(and if one could immediately talk to their friends and figure) their could easily be hundreds or even thousands of such people in Indian IT companies. I say they are perfectly fit for a B-School, they know how to make more out of doing nothing than the guy who actually works. On a side note, I worked at a major 1,50,000+ IT firm in Bangalore, India. While on bench I practically worked 18+ hrs/day while the project manager sitting next to me couldn't get work done with his employees who were billed. Mangers did this all the time, to be known as people who got more work done by lesser number of billed people. Back in those days, it was common for some one to be officially on bench but yet would have to work for a project.
- mathattack 13y ago
  There were rumors at a large consumer products company that I used to work at of a salesman who went to law school full time during 3 years there. He was selling products that didn't really require selling.
shasta 13y ago
So large companies should occasionally do a mark and sweep collection to account for bugs in the standard reference counting implementation. Particularly useful if the org chart allows cycles.
- redthrowaway 13y ago
  You know, GC isn't a bad metaphor for it. I imagine stack ranking might actually work if you approached it as a generational mark-sweep. Once a quarter, fire your bottom 10% of new employees. If an employee survives that, they move onto the next generation and skip a mark phase or three . The next time they get GC'd, they move onto the next generation and now only get it once every two or four years, etc. It would reduce overhead and false positives, and hopefully fix some of the bullshit political machinations that occur.
  - genericresponse 13y ago
    Have you heard of the term "Up or Out"?
Spooky23 13y ago
I worked in a government setting where there was an entire unit of about 12 people called "the island of misfit toys". They basically took inept employees that were too dumb to give real work to do (but not dumb enough to successfully terminate) and put them into a "Security" unit that allowed salaries to funded by some special source. As far as I could tell, their job was to assign password-reset permissions to "key users" in the field and do some sort of audit function. One of my interns automated their jobs in about 2 weeks when they all retired. They spent most of their time filing discrimination complaints about each other. The Director was brilliant about it, he'd nominate them for awards for exceeding their KPIs or meeting project milestones, or some other nonsense, which allowed him to expand the group and put them in a separate room. In the Fortune 500 space, I saw a similar behavior, but for a different purpose... the company did stack-ranking with 5-10% annual layoffs, and the Director-level people would scheme and fight to collect the most inept people possible. When it came time for their unit to be culled, these people would basically serve as fodder for the layoff. It was bizarre to watch.
- kyllo 13y ago
  Wow, management actively trying to recruit a few incompetent employees to their teams, in order to not have to lay off any of their good employees at stack-rank time! Now that is a pathological system.
  - deegles 13y ago
    Isn't it noble in a bizarre sort of way? It sounds like the manager is really looking out for his team. Or maybe he used to refuse to "play the game" until he had to fire a good employee.
    - goofygrin 13y ago
      Ya, I think that's actually the mark of a great manager... making sure he's got fodder for the inevitable wood chipper so to speak.
- mentat 13y ago
ChuckMcM 13y ago
Sounds like a "Better off Ted" episode. Amazing. I can't believe anyone who hadn't actually been working has the gall to complain when they get kicked out.

bkor 13y ago

I heard of an example where an employee was paid for 6+ years without them showing up. The employee was forgotten or something during some restructuring. The only reason this was discovered is because the employee complained towards HR about not receiving a salary increase. HR then tried to contact the manager, couldn't find one, etc.

Wingman4l7 13y ago
I find it difficult to believe that someone is that stupid.
- SteveGerencser 13y ago
  Then you need to get out more. Stupid knows no limits.
mistermann 13y ago
I've heard of several scenarios where some senior employees had screwed something up but (presumably) had too much dirt on other senior employees, that they just sent them home permanently. No job duties, still receive a paycheque, just don't come into the office please.
- geldedus 13y ago
  like in the Fight Club movie? :)
  - ZoF 13y ago
    I don't think we're supposed to talk about that.
- _djo_ 13y ago
  That might've been 'gardening leave'. When a senior employee with knowledge of company secrets leaves they're often saddled with a restraint of trade agreement that lasts at least a year and sometimes more. Because it would be illegal to prevent a person from working in their field of expertise, the company bars them from their offices but keeps paying them their regular salary until the restraint of trade period is up.

megablast 13y ago

Is it common to ask for an award for doing your job? Is it like getting a tip?

fixedd 13y ago
Ask every sales person ever.
coolsunglasses 13y ago
It's not totally surprising when you can quantify how much money you just saved/made the company. There are better ways to handle such things though.
- tome 13y ago
  > There are better ways to handle such things though. Like what?
  - megablast 13y ago
    Asking for a raise or promotion?
    - caw 13y ago
      Raise or promotion implies you do it on a regular basis, and once you get that raise or promotion you're expected to do this level of work all the time.
jcampbell1 13y ago
I don't know. I was always turned down. I think the managers didn't actually have power to give one. I now work at a bootstrapped company where I get all of the (a/re)wards. I will point out that one of my co-workers was given an award for "safety" because he suggested windows be installed on every door so you can see if someone is coming... talk about rearranging deck chairs.
- 13y ago

kvcrawford 13y ago

So, you fixed the glitch?

jcampbell1 13y ago
took his stapler too.
- agilebyte 13y ago
  He isn't a bit pyro is he?
  - JonnieCache 13y ago
    Do you mean klepto? He didn't burn the stapler...
    - agilebyte 13y ago
      You are right, the stapler survived.
    - phryk 13y ago
      You just outed yourself as somebody who did not watch 'Office Space'; We very much recommend it. ;)
      - dirktheman 13y ago
        +1 for Office Space. Or Dilbert, for that matter. I always thought they took a situation and exaggerate it to the absurd. Now I know that they were actually being conservative. Truth really is stranger than fiction...
        JonnieCache 13y ago
        My vicarious televisual office stapler antics have so far extended only to hiding them in jelly and throwing them out of windows.

wikiburner 13y ago

If anyone thinks that this sounds farfetched, it really just scratches the surface of the waste and corruption in Detroit. When I was working for a contractor installing and fixing servers at various plants and facilities, the only union workers who actively appeared to be doing their jobs were the union work rules compliance guys, who hovered over us to see if there was any possible way to file a grievance over violations of the "work rules". We were not allowed to "move" a system on our own - even just an inch in order to move a cable. Plugging in ethernet cables was okay, but if we dared to plug in a power cord on our own we were fucked. If we needed a system moved a couple of feet, or plugged in, we were lucky if it took less than a week for a worker to get around to it. Just about everyone else seemed like they were on a picnic.

unreal37 13y ago
I worked at a unionized company once. Yes, we were told never to move a system or install a cable in our computer lab because the right union worker has to be involved in that. More specifically, I was told by my boss to never let anyone see us doing that. We just shut the door. Never really had a problem with it.
jbl 13y ago
I had a similar experience. When I was reassigned to a new team in a building a few miles down the road, my computer was supposed to move with me for some reason. It took about a month and a half for that to actually happen. I also recall some union workers trying to move a full rack of equipment. This was a full height rack with some DEC Alphaservers and storage arrays. Rather than pull the systems, they tried to move the rack as a whole. The whole kit and kaboodle came crashing down.
mrt0mat0 13y ago
i worked for a company that wanted a new office in Chicago and it fell on me to handle the internet installation. You'd think it would be as easy as, run cable to office and be done. Nope. we had to get att to run it to the d-mark then had a union company run it from the d-mark to the office, but they wouldn't touch the office. i had to get another contractor to come up and finish the wiring of the office itself. that didn't include the actually company i used for internet, that had to have their own tech come in and "install" the box (this consisted of plugging it in and watching the green lights light up). What a mess.

shailesh 13y ago

Circa 2008, an employee in a 10K+ people outsourcing company, was on bench ("not assigned to any projects") for two years. He leveraged that time for studies and subsequently got admission to a very prestigious B-School.

kamaal 13y ago
I know tens(and if one could immediately talk to their friends and figure) their could easily be hundreds or even thousands of such people in Indian IT companies. I say they are perfectly fit for a B-School, they know how to make more out of doing nothing than the guy who actually works. On a side note, I worked at a major 1,50,000+ IT firm in Bangalore, India. While on bench I practically worked 18+ hrs/day while the project manager sitting next to me couldn't get work done with his employees who were billed. Mangers did this all the time, to be known as people who got more work done by lesser number of billed people. Back in those days, it was common for some one to be officially on bench but yet would have to work for a project.
mathattack 13y ago
There were rumors at a large consumer products company that I used to work at of a salesman who went to law school full time during 3 years there. He was selling products that didn't really require selling.

shasta 13y ago

So large companies should occasionally do a mark and sweep collection to account for bugs in the standard reference counting implementation. Particularly useful if the org chart allows cycles.

redthrowaway 13y ago
You know, GC isn't a bad metaphor for it. I imagine stack ranking might actually work if you approached it as a generational mark-sweep. Once a quarter, fire your bottom 10% of new employees. If an employee survives that, they move onto the next generation and skip a mark phase or three . The next time they get GC'd, they move onto the next generation and now only get it once every two or four years, etc. It would reduce overhead and false positives, and hopefully fix some of the bullshit political machinations that occur.
- genericresponse 13y ago
  Have you heard of the term "Up or Out"?

Spooky23 13y ago

I worked in a government setting where there was an entire unit of about 12 people called "the island of misfit toys". They basically took inept employees that were too dumb to give real work to do (but not dumb enough to successfully terminate) and put them into a "Security" unit that allowed salaries to funded by some special source. As far as I could tell, their job was to assign password-reset permissions to "key users" in the field and do some sort of audit function. One of my interns automated their jobs in about 2 weeks when they all retired. They spent most of their time filing discrimination complaints about each other. The Director was brilliant about it, he'd nominate them for awards for exceeding their KPIs or meeting project milestones, or some other nonsense, which allowed him to expand the group and put them in a separate room. In the Fortune 500 space, I saw a similar behavior, but for a different purpose... the company did stack-ranking with 5-10% annual layoffs, and the Director-level people would scheme and fight to collect the most inept people possible. When it came time for their unit to be culled, these people would basically serve as fodder for the layoff. It was bizarre to watch.

kyllo 13y ago
Wow, management actively trying to recruit a few incompetent employees to their teams, in order to not have to lay off any of their good employees at stack-rank time! Now that is a pathological system.
- deegles 13y ago
  Isn't it noble in a bizarre sort of way? It sounds like the manager is really looking out for his team. Or maybe he used to refuse to "play the game" until he had to fire a good employee.
  - goofygrin 13y ago
    Ya, I think that's actually the mark of a great manager... making sure he's got fodder for the inevitable wood chipper so to speak.
mentat 13y ago

ChuckMcM 13y ago

Sounds like a "Better off Ted" episode. Amazing. I can't believe anyone who hadn't actually been working has the gall to complain when they get kicked out.