3 ms·

I'll give you a clinical, theoretical solution and then a visceral one. You have to sincerely try different things until you figure out what works. I've learned

by keefe 13y ago

I'll give you a clinical, theoretical solution and then a visceral one. You have to sincerely try different things until you figure out what works. I've learned that negative emotions are unnecessary and habitual cycles in our body (usually muscular tension and poor breathing), thoughts (repeated sad songs we sing to ourselves, etc) and feelings (depression, anger, etc). There's not necessarily anything behind it but the existence of the cycle. Once negativity costs us enough, it's natural to think there is some deep underlying issue when really the vast majority is bad habits that you can simply train yourself to break. Viscerally, the nicest way to say it is that you need to get perspective. Go volunteer as a mentor for inner city youth at the boys and girl's club and instead of spending your time being sad at home, just man up and use your time to help people that have real problems. There are so many people that are dealing with life and death struggles every day and a successful, college educated guy can make a huge difference. Also, this will give you perspective on what is important in life and teach you about the real world and growing up.

obstacle1 13y ago
This is the worst possible advice you could give an actually depressed person. I am incredibly distressed that in 2013, on an "enlightened" site like HN, we have people posting drivel like this. Nothing you said is "clinical" or "theoretical", it is life-coach bullshit. You say depression is a "feeling" like anger, which highlights just how little you know. OP doesn't need to "man up", he is a man and life is tough. He needs help. The two posts above this one direct him to useful resources, therapists and an emergency line. I struggle to understand the drive to post in threads where you're not qualified to comment. Especially when you're dealing with a vulnerable person who is in pain.
- keefe 13y ago
  The drive is that I've had serious bouts of depression in my life and this is the advice that got me out of it. it's far from the worst possible advice! validating depression as important is often more harmful than helpful. Think it through a bit - what's more likely to make you more depressed? A) being told you're so screwed up you need professional help so jot down the number of a suicide hotline and a qualified therapist or B) being treated as an equal that doesn't need coddling and given real world advice that might actually help yourself and others and maybe even be fun? Think about that and related ideas... how many people do you think jumped off the golden gate bridge because some guy wasn't sufficiently sensitive on some internet forum? how many people end up with gradually increasing symptoms of depression because of this cultural inclination to distance ourselves and focus on the negativity until we've had enough "therapy", when often the best solution is to get out of bed, break the cycle and let ourselves heal in peace? That can be the hardest thing in the world, but engaging in life is really the best solution. Do you really think that IF OP needs therapy or an emergency hotline, that the best solution is to get that advice from some random strange on HN? OP is obviously collected and intelligent enough to write a coherent post on HN about this. I gave direct, actionable advice and I'm saying that OP is a smart, capable person with the ability to do good in the world who doesn't need to be coddled like a 12 year old. How likely is it that when one is asking HN for advice, one hasn't heard this same boilerplate drivel? I took time out of my day to think out both of these posts and try to find something original. OP has probably been trying to deal with this many different ways and maybe my way isn't his way, but it's more likely to be helpful than some crap you can find by googling depression for 5 minutes. I chose to get involved for that reason and I'm here participating in the thread for followup if it resonated with OP. The therapy and emergency hotline approach is obnoxiously bad - great advice if your employee comes to you and you want to avoid legal entanglement, not particularly good in reality... if you're at the point of posting on HN, you probably have thought about going to a therapist right? So are you really helping or hurting by giving that advice, probably for the 100th time? "man up" means acting according to typical masculine values of practicality and altruism : get out of bed, go find someone with real life and death problems and help them. It means just think about the next hour or the next minute and do something helpful for other human beings. This builds a support network, fires the social parts of the brain, level sets how bad things can get in the world and how much one smart guy can actually matter and gives a direct resource (boys and girls club) to follow up. ... also I explicitly discussed the intellectual, emotional and physical aspects of depression in there... it's a self reinforcing loop.

by keefe 13y ago

obstacle1 13y ago

This is the worst possible advice you could give an actually depressed person. I am incredibly distressed that in 2013, on an "enlightened" site like HN, we have people posting drivel like this. Nothing you said is "clinical" or "theoretical", it is life-coach bullshit. You say depression is a "feeling" like anger, which highlights just how little you know. OP doesn't need to "man up", he is a man and life is tough. He needs help. The two posts above this one direct him to useful resources, therapists and an emergency line. I struggle to understand the drive to post in threads where you're not qualified to comment. Especially when you're dealing with a vulnerable person who is in pain.

keefe 13y ago
The drive is that I've had serious bouts of depression in my life and this is the advice that got me out of it. it's far from the worst possible advice! validating depression as important is often more harmful than helpful. Think it through a bit - what's more likely to make you more depressed? A) being told you're so screwed up you need professional help so jot down the number of a suicide hotline and a qualified therapist or B) being treated as an equal that doesn't need coddling and given real world advice that might actually help yourself and others and maybe even be fun? Think about that and related ideas... how many people do you think jumped off the golden gate bridge because some guy wasn't sufficiently sensitive on some internet forum? how many people end up with gradually increasing symptoms of depression because of this cultural inclination to distance ourselves and focus on the negativity until we've had enough "therapy", when often the best solution is to get out of bed, break the cycle and let ourselves heal in peace? That can be the hardest thing in the world, but engaging in life is really the best solution. Do you really think that IF OP needs therapy or an emergency hotline, that the best solution is to get that advice from some random strange on HN? OP is obviously collected and intelligent enough to write a coherent post on HN about this. I gave direct, actionable advice and I'm saying that OP is a smart, capable person with the ability to do good in the world who doesn't need to be coddled like a 12 year old. How likely is it that when one is asking HN for advice, one hasn't heard this same boilerplate drivel? I took time out of my day to think out both of these posts and try to find something original. OP has probably been trying to deal with this many different ways and maybe my way isn't his way, but it's more likely to be helpful than some crap you can find by googling depression for 5 minutes. I chose to get involved for that reason and I'm here participating in the thread for followup if it resonated with OP. The therapy and emergency hotline approach is obnoxiously bad - great advice if your employee comes to you and you want to avoid legal entanglement, not particularly good in reality... if you're at the point of posting on HN, you probably have thought about going to a therapist right? So are you really helping or hurting by giving that advice, probably for the 100th time? "man up" means acting according to typical masculine values of practicality and altruism : get out of bed, go find someone with real life and death problems and help them. It means just think about the next hour or the next minute and do something helpful for other human beings. This builds a support network, fires the social parts of the brain, level sets how bad things can get in the world and how much one smart guy can actually matter and gives a direct resource (boys and girls club) to follow up. ... also I explicitly discussed the intellectual, emotional and physical aspects of depression in there... it's a self reinforcing loop.