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One of the strange things about being 40 is meeting people my own age who have college-age children. It's amazing how little I have in common with people who c

One of the strange things about being 40 is meeting people my own age who have college-age children. It's amazing how little I have in common with people who chose that life track. They seem "old" to me, even though they're often several years younger than me. As though they've lived a lot more life than me, but not the "good" parts of life. I can't imagine how tough it must be to raise a family on an entry-level job, and simultaneously try to progress your way out of that entry-level-ness without the ability to ever roll the dice and not have to worry about feeding anybody else but yourself if things don't work out. Or the ability to put it all on hold and piss off to backpack around Southeast Asia for a year. You can see the shadow of that still on a lot of folks like that, even 20 years on. It never occurred to me back then how good a decision it was not to get married and start a family right away. Now, raising kids with 20 years worth of leveling up behind me and the resources to do it "right", I think I'm going to have it a lot easier.

kaybe 13y ago
But, you know, you're priviledged here because you're a guy. For a woman it's not the best idea biologically to start having kids at 40.
- kabouseng 13y ago
  For a man aged 40 it is also not the best idea. The risks for children with birth defects increases substantially with older men as well.
  - nitid_name 13y ago
    [Citation needed] I was under the impression the drop off for men both progressed slower and was less severe than it was for women. e.g. a 40 something woman has the same chance of having offspring with Downs Syndrome or other congenital defects as two cousins in their twenties inbreeding, while a 80 year old man with a 20 something woman is still less at risk than both of the aforementioned pairs.
    - kabouseng 13y ago
      As I was typing that comment I was thinking someone is going to ask me for source :-) I dont have a citation, just the class notes from my wifes medical undergraduate classes. Im sure if I did the effort, I could google a study or two for you. Of course it's not just the genetics, but also a woman's ability to carry full term. Younger bodies are better at that. Nevertheless, for someone preoccupied with living life to the fullest, waiting till your older to have children, and increasing the chance for a down syndrome baby is a bit counter productive.
      - jasonkester 13y ago
        for someone preoccupied with living life to the fullest, waiting till your older to have children, and increasing the chance for a down syndrome baby is a bit counter productive In what way? Increasing the odds from 1:1000 to 10:1000 in exchange for 20 years of carefree living seems like a pretty good tradeoff to me.
        enraged_camel 13y ago
        How can you even know that it's a good trade off if you haven't had a Down syndrome baby?
nasmorn 13y ago
I could not disagree more. For me children (first at 27) were the red pill. Before I was a video gaming pop cultured nerd who was too privileged to be really hungry yet too scared of failure to try anything grand. My daughters made me embrace my mediocrity. I do more interesting things now than before even if it is much harder. For me postponing children too achieve something greater is like not having sex because you think it is going to make you like Newton. You either have it in you or you dont.
wbond 13y ago
It is true how your choices in life make for distinct personalities. I'm not even 30 yet and have a seven year-old. I can't imagine waiting until 40 before having kids. It really depends on what you define "good" as. It is pretty easy to flip around the "old" label, for instance: some could say a 50 year-old parent seems "old" - now 40 years removed from their 10 year-old child. How many 50 year-olds do you see getting down and dirty with their kids playing and being carefree? But, seriously, people of any age can be great parents and lots of different people have different goals in life. Some people seek money, some love, some fame, some recognition, knowledge, excitement, stability, fun, etc.
resplin 13y ago
Some of my best experiences as a parent have come because I started young and had to struggle about which priority in life was most important. It changed who I am. I wouldn't trade the extra time I have to be a father and grand-father for the freedom and flexibility I could have enjoyed. I find deeper joy in the "boring" slog of being a dad.

kaybe 13y ago

But, you know, you're priviledged here because you're a guy. For a woman it's not the best idea biologically to start having kids at 40.

kabouseng 13y ago
For a man aged 40 it is also not the best idea. The risks for children with birth defects increases substantially with older men as well.
- nitid_name 13y ago
  [Citation needed] I was under the impression the drop off for men both progressed slower and was less severe than it was for women. e.g. a 40 something woman has the same chance of having offspring with Downs Syndrome or other congenital defects as two cousins in their twenties inbreeding, while a 80 year old man with a 20 something woman is still less at risk than both of the aforementioned pairs.
  - kabouseng 13y ago
    As I was typing that comment I was thinking someone is going to ask me for source :-) I dont have a citation, just the class notes from my wifes medical undergraduate classes. Im sure if I did the effort, I could google a study or two for you. Of course it's not just the genetics, but also a woman's ability to carry full term. Younger bodies are better at that. Nevertheless, for someone preoccupied with living life to the fullest, waiting till your older to have children, and increasing the chance for a down syndrome baby is a bit counter productive.
    - jasonkester 13y ago
      for someone preoccupied with living life to the fullest, waiting till your older to have children, and increasing the chance for a down syndrome baby is a bit counter productive In what way? Increasing the odds from 1:1000 to 10:1000 in exchange for 20 years of carefree living seems like a pretty good tradeoff to me.
      - enraged_camel 13y ago
        How can you even know that it's a good trade off if you haven't had a Down syndrome baby?

nasmorn 13y ago

I could not disagree more. For me children (first at 27) were the red pill. Before I was a video gaming pop cultured nerd who was too privileged to be really hungry yet too scared of failure to try anything grand. My daughters made me embrace my mediocrity. I do more interesting things now than before even if it is much harder. For me postponing children too achieve something greater is like not having sex because you think it is going to make you like Newton. You either have it in you or you dont.

wbond 13y ago

It is true how your choices in life make for distinct personalities. I'm not even 30 yet and have a seven year-old. I can't imagine waiting until 40 before having kids. It really depends on what you define "good" as. It is pretty easy to flip around the "old" label, for instance: some could say a 50 year-old parent seems "old" - now 40 years removed from their 10 year-old child. How many 50 year-olds do you see getting down and dirty with their kids playing and being carefree? But, seriously, people of any age can be great parents and lots of different people have different goals in life. Some people seek money, some love, some fame, some recognition, knowledge, excitement, stability, fun, etc.

resplin 13y ago

Some of my best experiences as a parent have come because I started young and had to struggle about which priority in life was most important. It changed who I am. I wouldn't trade the extra time I have to be a father and grand-father for the freedom and flexibility I could have enjoyed. I find deeper joy in the "boring" slog of being a dad.