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Wasn't the OP's intention to write about themselves though? Changing I to he/she etc doesn't seem like it would make much sense? Could you expand on what you me

Wasn't the OP's intention to write about themselves though? Changing I to he/she etc doesn't seem like it would make much sense? Could you expand on what you mean?

Spooky23 13y ago
It's irritating when you read a narrative that is very heavy with personal pronouns, because you generally are reading a bunch of declarations strung together. As a reader, you're stuck wading through the muck to figure out WTF is actually being said. The whole point of introspection is to examine your actions and reach conclusions. Nobody cares about the minutae. If you're describing a trip to Tahiti, don't make me read about how you fed the cats and cut your toenails before heading for the airport. For example: "We opted to go for a web app purely because I was the most familiar with this platform but even then I had no prior experience and my friends were aware of this. I would be balancing my time between this and a well paid part time job at a local school as a music technician." 56 words and bunch of fluff. It sounds like a deflection of guilt. What does it actually say? "I already had experience with web apps, so we decided a webapp would get things done quickly."
- simonbarker87 13y ago
  Good example, my issue was really that the suggestion of changing I to he/she etc by edw519 was overly flippant and added little value to the OP; who probably liked constructive feedback - nice job on clarifying
  - Spooky23 13y ago
    Writing is a craft like programming in that you must learn by doing, and you need to leave rough edges behind to polish. My writing ability was "leveled up" by merciless teachers who would torture us with seemingly impossible tasks. One of my favorite teachers ever was a History professor who taught "The History of Warfare". Writing assignments were due every week and covered a fairly substantial scope. The catch: It had to be written by hand (this was 1998) and had to fit on one side of a sheet of college-ruled loose-leaf paper. The first draft of my first paper was 6 pages long, and took about 3 days to proofread/boil down to what it needed to say. (I still remember way too much about Gustavus Adolphus because of that.) By the end of the semester, I was able to whip out a single sheet in about 45 minutes. I learned alot about the history of warfare, but learned far more about clarity of thought and getting to the root of things.
eliasmacpherson 13y ago
Yeah "I" don't get it: on face value, "I" disagree; surely it's nice to take responsibility rather than blame that which is external.
Afforess 13y ago
I believe this is typically where someone would respond with a snarky wooosh comment.
deleted 13y ago
[deleted]
- simonbarker87 13y ago
  I agree on passive voice - it was longer than it needed to be.

Wasn't the OP's intention to write about themselves though? Changing I to he/she etc doesn't seem like it would make much sense? Could you expand on what you mean?

Spooky23 13y ago

It's irritating when you read a narrative that is very heavy with personal pronouns, because you generally are reading a bunch of declarations strung together. As a reader, you're stuck wading through the muck to figure out WTF is actually being said. The whole point of introspection is to examine your actions and reach conclusions. Nobody cares about the minutae. If you're describing a trip to Tahiti, don't make me read about how you fed the cats and cut your toenails before heading for the airport. For example: "We opted to go for a web app purely because I was the most familiar with this platform but even then I had no prior experience and my friends were aware of this. I would be balancing my time between this and a well paid part time job at a local school as a music technician." 56 words and bunch of fluff. It sounds like a deflection of guilt. What does it actually say? "I already had experience with web apps, so we decided a webapp would get things done quickly."

simonbarker87 13y ago
Good example, my issue was really that the suggestion of changing I to he/she etc by edw519 was overly flippant and added little value to the OP; who probably liked constructive feedback - nice job on clarifying
- Spooky23 13y ago
  Writing is a craft like programming in that you must learn by doing, and you need to leave rough edges behind to polish. My writing ability was "leveled up" by merciless teachers who would torture us with seemingly impossible tasks. One of my favorite teachers ever was a History professor who taught "The History of Warfare". Writing assignments were due every week and covered a fairly substantial scope. The catch: It had to be written by hand (this was 1998) and had to fit on one side of a sheet of college-ruled loose-leaf paper. The first draft of my first paper was 6 pages long, and took about 3 days to proofread/boil down to what it needed to say. (I still remember way too much about Gustavus Adolphus because of that.) By the end of the semester, I was able to whip out a single sheet in about 45 minutes. I learned alot about the history of warfare, but learned far more about clarity of thought and getting to the root of things.

eliasmacpherson 13y ago

Yeah "I" don't get it: on face value, "I" disagree; surely it's nice to take responsibility rather than blame that which is external.

Afforess 13y ago

I believe this is typically where someone would respond with a snarky wooosh comment.

deleted 13y ago

[deleted]

simonbarker87 13y ago
I agree on passive voice - it was longer than it needed to be.