5 ms·

I think it's telling that the author draws a parallel with the so-called rape culture. It feels like the concept of porn addiction (which is far too loosely de

by Zikes 13y ago

I think it's telling that the author draws a parallel with the so-called rape culture. It feels like the concept of porn addiction (which is far too loosely defined in this article to be seriously considered) is being used as a tool to retain control over the male libido. Whereas previously women held the proverbial keys to the kingdom, men now have a safe and easily accessible outlet. But society shames that outlet, attaching emotions such as guilt and repression, and drawing a tenuous connection to an eventual loss of self-control. It does not directly address what should be considered a healthy libido, only that by refraining from any sexual activities at all the brain will somehow eventually reset to a "natural" state, which seems to be defined only by a lowered interest in sex. The part where the author describes his experience sharing his porn with his partner I found especially disturbing. His partner expressed outright disgust, and then described what followed as mere "fucking". This does not properly address the facet of the libido that demands fulfillment without the pressure of a performance. Men are under tremendous pressure to perform with almost every sexual act, even with long-time partners, and sometimes it's easier, simpler, and more appropriate to fill those needs alone with non-judgmental and even wholly private materials.

reader5000 13y ago
Please give an example of "society" shaming porn.
- farinasa 13y ago
  Go watch some porn in public.
  - stinkytaco 13y ago
    It's not so much watching porn in public... I wouldn't want to see to people having sex in public, but how even talking about it is a verboten subject. Of course, talking about your sex life is probably also problematic, so I don't know. Does society shame porn?
    - lobotryas 13y ago
      Society (at least in the US) shames the use of porn if you're male (loser, pervert, can't get laid) an praises the use of porn by women (independent, empowered, sexy). As for the concept of porn itself, it's relegated to other bedroom topics and just doesn't come up in "polite" conversation.
      - hello_newman 13y ago
        "Society (at least in the US) shames the use of porn if you're male (loser, pervert, can't get laid) an praises the use of porn by women (independent, empowered, sexy)." Fucking nailed it. I agree with some of the others who said that some guys prefer masturbation because they do, indeed, feel a tremendous amount of pressure to always be able to "perform". Guys are also to blame; we want to be the one girls always call when they are horny, we want to be the ones who make whatever girl we are with go home with a smile on her face, we are the ones that always know how to make a girl cum. We are the ones that want to be bragged about to her friends. I think for a lot of guys it comes down to "analysis paralysis". You psyche yourself out. So because of that, masturbation can be easier. Porn is always there, and it is easier. But guys are shamed, indeed. But girls? Damn. When they come out as "Ya, I like to watch porn" guys drool all over it, they are praised by their friends as "progressive", or "taking charge".
      - bitops 13y ago
        > praises the use of porn by women (independent, empowered, sexy). I haven't personally observed this, but our society certainly shames the women who perform in pornography.
      - coldtea 13y ago
        """an praises the use of porn by women (independent, empowered, sexy).""" Only in liberal, upper middle class, circles. Which of course includes most of the wannabe upper-middle-class talking heads and journalists. Middle class society don't share the "empowered, sexy" view for porn on women at all.
    - coldtea 13y ago
      There was an incident with Jannet Jackson showing some tit on the 2004 superbowl concert, and everybody was faux-shocked. Much more for porn. It's a society of hypocrites and puritans.
  - ihsw 13y ago
    Go to a public library, chances are you'll find some old dude(s) casually watching porn. They won't be masturbating and they'll be very casual about it, and it won't be isolated to vanilla porn too. Some people react by moving to a separate area of the library, others will be notifying the staff, but there's always a large percentage that don't care.
- tshaddox 13y ago
  It's a pervasive cultural meme. How many times have you heard people talk or joke about "getting caught" or "walking in on someone" viewing porn? Have you ever been working on a friend's computer and joked about accidentally stumbling onto something embarrassing? Have you seen any of a myriad of comedy films which feature porn-related mishaps involving embarrassment? And then of course there's religion: as far as I know, all the major world religions condemn pornography.
  - reader5000 13y ago
    It's also considered embarrassing to be walked in on taking a shit. To me, that doesn't imply that mainstream society holds shitting as shameful or immoral, in fact just the opposite. I would assume most religions do condemn porn but mainstream US society is not religious. Mainstream US society is fairly accepting of porn. The fact that it's joked about is basically evidence of this. Nobody jokes about e.g. getting caught fucking children, which IS condemned by mainstream US society. The point is anytime somebody talks about having a problem with porn, there is some kneejerk reaction about how he is just confused by an unenlightened puritanical society, as if he is incapable of deciding for himself whether or not porn is negatively affecting his own life.
    - baddox 13y ago
      > It's also considered embarrassing to be walked in on taking a shit. Yes, as would getting walked in on having sex with a partner. But in which of those three cases would the joke be on the person getting caught? > mainstream US society is not religious. You might be filter bubbled. Most polls I have seen show at least 70% of Americans consider themselves religious. > Nobody jokes about e.g. getting caught fucking children Except for lots of comedians, and in fact, the humor comes directly from the fact that society shames the practice (rightfully so).
    - MacsHeadroom 13y ago
      >mainstream US society is not religious. Only 17% of Americans are non-religious. And only 19% of Americans say religion is not very important to them (including the 17% who are non-religious). A majority, 55%, of Americans say religion can solve "all or most of today's problems." Perhaps more pertinent, a minority of Americans consider pornography "morally acceptable." Even among Americans ages 18-34. http://www.gallup.com/poll/1690/religion.aspx http://www.gallup.com/poll/1690/religion.aspx http://www.gallup.com/poll/162881/older-americans-moral-attitudes-changing.aspx http://www.gallup.com/poll/162881/older-americans-moral-atti...
- ambiate 13y ago
  There is a bench on our main road that says 'Watching porn will lose you your JOB FAMILY FRIENDS AND KIDS. PORN WILL DESTROY YOUR LIFE.' Caps are not my emphasis. Glorious Waco, TX. Two miles away was a billboard of a mother discarding a baby into a garbage can for some anti-abortion campaign.
  - pepr 13y ago
    Once I read the first line I immediatelly remembered that sign on Valley Mills and thought: "could this be a fellow sufferer from Waco?" :-D This reminds me how much I look forward to moving out of Waco this summer.
    - ambiate 13y ago
      The one on Valley Mills is much easier on the pornographic indulging soul. The one I mentioned was near 18th and I35 on the way towards the Planned Parenthood clinic. Haha.
      - pepr 13y ago
        Ah, I didn't notice that one :)
  - stonemetal 13y ago
    There is a similar anti-porn billboard on I45 just south of Dallas.
  - reader5000 13y ago
    Sorry but a bench on the main road in Waco, Texas in no way constitutes mainstream US opinion on porn.
  - mtdewcmu 13y ago
    I wonder if it's possible to be addicted to passing judgment and feeling morally superior. There are some, especially in the religious right, that seem to commit a lot of mental energy to things they purport to hate, like sexual deviance and infanticide. From a distance, at least, there seems to be a compulsive quality to it. Why decorate a roadway with messages about awkward or obscene subjects, grabbing your attention and forcing them into your conscious awareness, unless there was some kind of reward? Indulgence in covert fantasies? Or something like schadenfreude?
CodeMage 13y ago
Let's not confuse things. I could go hoarse talking about how there are tons and tons of porn out there that 1) depict degradation of women as something positive and 2) create unrealistic ideas about and expectations for sex. I imagine that both of those aspects can be quite toxic to young minds who are just learning about sex and have neither preconceptions of their own nor guidance from anyone with more experience. Among other things, that stuff can do a lot to promote the rape culture, where that culture exists. And no, there's nothing "so-called" about rape culture, although I personally don't agree with some of the hype surrounding it. That said, I totally agree with the "control over libido" argument. Men and women are perpetually being forced into predefined gender roles and prescribed sexual behavior. Kids are taught -- implicitly rather than explicitly -- that they should be ashamed of masturbating and/or watching porn. They're also taught to think of sex in terms of performance. The author certainly has problems and, while some of them can be attributed to porn as such, a lot of them have to do with the attitude towards porn and masturbation and, apparently, a rather dire lack of support and guidance from parents. I personally don't find it so weird that his partner expressed outright disgust about "cumshot scenes", though. I think it's a lot easier to find people who fantasize about being on the ejaculating end of that particular fetish, than those fantasizing about being on the other end ;)

by Zikes 13y ago

reader5000 13y ago

Please give an example of "society" shaming porn.

farinasa 13y ago
Go watch some porn in public.
- stinkytaco 13y ago
  It's not so much watching porn in public... I wouldn't want to see to people having sex in public, but how even talking about it is a verboten subject. Of course, talking about your sex life is probably also problematic, so I don't know. Does society shame porn?
  - lobotryas 13y ago
    Society (at least in the US) shames the use of porn if you're male (loser, pervert, can't get laid) an praises the use of porn by women (independent, empowered, sexy). As for the concept of porn itself, it's relegated to other bedroom topics and just doesn't come up in "polite" conversation.
    - hello_newman 13y ago
      "Society (at least in the US) shames the use of porn if you're male (loser, pervert, can't get laid) an praises the use of porn by women (independent, empowered, sexy)." Fucking nailed it. I agree with some of the others who said that some guys prefer masturbation because they do, indeed, feel a tremendous amount of pressure to always be able to "perform". Guys are also to blame; we want to be the one girls always call when they are horny, we want to be the ones who make whatever girl we are with go home with a smile on her face, we are the ones that always know how to make a girl cum. We are the ones that want to be bragged about to her friends. I think for a lot of guys it comes down to "analysis paralysis". You psyche yourself out. So because of that, masturbation can be easier. Porn is always there, and it is easier. But guys are shamed, indeed. But girls? Damn. When they come out as "Ya, I like to watch porn" guys drool all over it, they are praised by their friends as "progressive", or "taking charge".
    - bitops 13y ago
      > praises the use of porn by women (independent, empowered, sexy). I haven't personally observed this, but our society certainly shames the women who perform in pornography.
    - coldtea 13y ago
      """an praises the use of porn by women (independent, empowered, sexy).""" Only in liberal, upper middle class, circles. Which of course includes most of the wannabe upper-middle-class talking heads and journalists. Middle class society don't share the "empowered, sexy" view for porn on women at all.
  - coldtea 13y ago
    There was an incident with Jannet Jackson showing some tit on the 2004 superbowl concert, and everybody was faux-shocked. Much more for porn. It's a society of hypocrites and puritans.
- ihsw 13y ago
  Go to a public library, chances are you'll find some old dude(s) casually watching porn. They won't be masturbating and they'll be very casual about it, and it won't be isolated to vanilla porn too. Some people react by moving to a separate area of the library, others will be notifying the staff, but there's always a large percentage that don't care.
tshaddox 13y ago
It's a pervasive cultural meme. How many times have you heard people talk or joke about "getting caught" or "walking in on someone" viewing porn? Have you ever been working on a friend's computer and joked about accidentally stumbling onto something embarrassing? Have you seen any of a myriad of comedy films which feature porn-related mishaps involving embarrassment? And then of course there's religion: as far as I know, all the major world religions condemn pornography.
- reader5000 13y ago
  It's also considered embarrassing to be walked in on taking a shit. To me, that doesn't imply that mainstream society holds shitting as shameful or immoral, in fact just the opposite. I would assume most religions do condemn porn but mainstream US society is not religious. Mainstream US society is fairly accepting of porn. The fact that it's joked about is basically evidence of this. Nobody jokes about e.g. getting caught fucking children, which IS condemned by mainstream US society. The point is anytime somebody talks about having a problem with porn, there is some kneejerk reaction about how he is just confused by an unenlightened puritanical society, as if he is incapable of deciding for himself whether or not porn is negatively affecting his own life.
  - baddox 13y ago
    > It's also considered embarrassing to be walked in on taking a shit. Yes, as would getting walked in on having sex with a partner. But in which of those three cases would the joke be on the person getting caught? > mainstream US society is not religious. You might be filter bubbled. Most polls I have seen show at least 70% of Americans consider themselves religious. > Nobody jokes about e.g. getting caught fucking children Except for lots of comedians, and in fact, the humor comes directly from the fact that society shames the practice (rightfully so).
  - MacsHeadroom 13y ago
    >mainstream US society is not religious. Only 17% of Americans are non-religious. And only 19% of Americans say religion is not very important to them (including the 17% who are non-religious). A majority, 55%, of Americans say religion can solve "all or most of today's problems." Perhaps more pertinent, a minority of Americans consider pornography "morally acceptable." Even among Americans ages 18-34. http://www.gallup.com/poll/1690/religion.aspx http://www.gallup.com/poll/1690/religion.aspx http://www.gallup.com/poll/162881/older-americans-moral-attitudes-changing.aspx http://www.gallup.com/poll/162881/older-americans-moral-atti...
ambiate 13y ago
There is a bench on our main road that says 'Watching porn will lose you your JOB FAMILY FRIENDS AND KIDS. PORN WILL DESTROY YOUR LIFE.' Caps are not my emphasis. Glorious Waco, TX. Two miles away was a billboard of a mother discarding a baby into a garbage can for some anti-abortion campaign.
- pepr 13y ago
  Once I read the first line I immediatelly remembered that sign on Valley Mills and thought: "could this be a fellow sufferer from Waco?" :-D This reminds me how much I look forward to moving out of Waco this summer.
  - ambiate 13y ago
    The one on Valley Mills is much easier on the pornographic indulging soul. The one I mentioned was near 18th and I35 on the way towards the Planned Parenthood clinic. Haha.
    - pepr 13y ago
      Ah, I didn't notice that one :)
- stonemetal 13y ago
  There is a similar anti-porn billboard on I45 just south of Dallas.
- reader5000 13y ago
  Sorry but a bench on the main road in Waco, Texas in no way constitutes mainstream US opinion on porn.
- mtdewcmu 13y ago
  I wonder if it's possible to be addicted to passing judgment and feeling morally superior. There are some, especially in the religious right, that seem to commit a lot of mental energy to things they purport to hate, like sexual deviance and infanticide. From a distance, at least, there seems to be a compulsive quality to it. Why decorate a roadway with messages about awkward or obscene subjects, grabbing your attention and forcing them into your conscious awareness, unless there was some kind of reward? Indulgence in covert fantasies? Or something like schadenfreude?

CodeMage 13y ago

Let's not confuse things. I could go hoarse talking about how there are tons and tons of porn out there that 1) depict degradation of women as something positive and 2) create unrealistic ideas about and expectations for sex. I imagine that both of those aspects can be quite toxic to young minds who are just learning about sex and have neither preconceptions of their own nor guidance from anyone with more experience. Among other things, that stuff can do a lot to promote the rape culture, where that culture exists. And no, there's nothing "so-called" about rape culture, although I personally don't agree with some of the hype surrounding it. That said, I totally agree with the "control over libido" argument. Men and women are perpetually being forced into predefined gender roles and prescribed sexual behavior. Kids are taught -- implicitly rather than explicitly -- that they should be ashamed of masturbating and/or watching porn. They're also taught to think of sex in terms of performance. The author certainly has problems and, while some of them can be attributed to porn as such, a lot of them have to do with the attitude towards porn and masturbation and, apparently, a rather dire lack of support and guidance from parents. I personally don't find it so weird that his partner expressed outright disgust about "cumshot scenes", though. I think it's a lot easier to find people who fantasize about being on the ejaculating end of that particular fetish, than those fantasizing about being on the other end ;)