21 ms·

Only the Lonely

395 points by jlangenauer 13y ago

kposehn 13y ago
I've always thought that if you know someone is suicidal, don't always make it apparent that it is on your mind. Sometimes they just need to have a person who lets things be normal - someone who knows what is there, but doesn't let it change the tone of every interaction. That seems one of the most helpful things you can do, in my opinion.
- sliverstorm 13y ago
  Honestly, as a non-suicidal person, I find my opinions on the matter are almost always wrong (at least according to people who hopefully are in better positions to know) so I have given up having opinions on the matter.
- michaelochurch 13y ago
  Sometimes they just need to have a person who lets things be normal - someone who knows what is there, but doesn't let it change the tone of every interaction. Yes. I'm very glad you said this. Mental illness is bad, but even worse is all the nonsense you have to put up with from people when you try to get your life back together-- the prying questions, the discrimination, the ridiculously long-lasting career-altering properties (due to people in power generally being superficial and mean-spirited) of minor health problems. It's like a hurricane. A few people die in the storm itself, but then hundreds or thousands die in the human-made chaos and disintegration afterward. Seeing the wreckage that is made of your life after a mental health event (and experiencing the fact that many people want, with glee, to push you back into the hole, because it means less competition) can, for many people, trigger another one that is longer-lasting and harder to break out of. If you're not a psychiatrist or therapist, often the best thing you can do for a mentally ill person is help that person get back to a normal life.
- thaumaturgy 13y ago
  It is extremely difficult to know how to interact with someone with depression. Often, you're right, it would be fantastic to just hear from someone who invites themselves over for lunch and a game on the weekend. Other times, you really want to be able to just have a deep conversation with someone, to be able to let your guard down for a while and talk about troubling things openly and honestly. Unfortunately, that's often unrealistic: the other person has to be in the mood for it, you have to feel safe enough about it to not shy away from it because it might be made a big deal of later on, when you're feeling better.
- mooze 13y ago
  I wrote a blog post on this a while ago, but it boils down to being kind and supportive in a non-intrusive, non-judgemental way.
- EvanKelly 13y ago
  This is the essence of being a good friend. Just "being there" is sometimes the most important thing a person can do. It's easy to let a person know you're there for them without hitting them over the head with the fact that you're worried about them.
flatline 13y ago
> I don’t want to be alone, but I want to be left alone. I have always suffered from this as well. Perhaps it is just a touch of introversion? I have a happy marriage and family but I often need time all to myself or I just get overwhelmed by the constant stimulus of...other people. I don't even necessarily do anything different than I would with my family, though I generally try to work on my own projects or study something interesting.
- minikites 13y ago
  That's understandable. I read this book: http://www.amazon.com/Quiet-Power-Introverts-World-Talking/dp/0307352153 http://www.amazon.com/Quiet-Power-Introverts-World-Talking/d... and I felt a lot less guilty after more thoroughly understanding myself and what introversion is (not necessarily the same as misanthropy or social anxiety)
  - hjay 13y ago
    I saw the picture of Susan Cain (the author) on that page and I thought she was awfully familiar. It was then that I realized she was the lady who gave this talk http://www.ted.com/talks/susan_cain_the_power_of_introverts.html http://www.ted.com/talks/susan_cain_the_power_of_introverts.... a while back. Enjoyed the talk, I will be looking to buy this book once I'm done with my current reading schedule.
    - dwc 13y ago
      That was a great talk. The book is also great, and definitely worthwhile.
- PavlovsCat 13y ago
  Isn't that the (pop?) definition of extrovert and introvert, i.e. some recharge when with others, others when alone? For me that seems to constantly change, that is, when I spent a lot of time alone, people are exciting and refreshing to me, but if I spend many intensive hours with many people, I sometimes actually physically shiver in relief the second that is over: the moment I walk out the door, close the door behind visitors, or put down the phone, I tremble a bit and feel a wave of relaxation wash over me. I like to think that's a sign that my body and mind were looking forward to some alone time, to process things maybe, instead of me being antisocial or socially inept.. but I'm not sure, could be a bit of both.
javajosh 13y ago
Personally, I think it's great that Fry has been so forthcoming with his travails. It helps others tremendously to know that they are not alone. I want to speak to an important question, though: why DO we continue? This is a discussion of the rational justification, independent of brain-chemistry. Hamlet is right for the wrong reasons. These are my beliefs: The only real reason to continue is because you think that you can contribute, in at least a small way, to the long-term well-being of humanity. You, an individual, are a cell in a vast organism of humanity, and your duty is to find something useful to do. There are many ways to do this, as a (spiritual, physical) healer, as a (artistic, technical) creator, or as a player of (business, political) games (who, by the way, use the output of the first two types in the game). The "long-term well-being of humanity" itself has many possible expressions. On the largest scale, it means making sure that humanity itself can survive any calamity. That means not only taking care of this planet, making sure that it can sustain life, but it also means reaching and colonizing other places in the solar system and galaxy. Given the incredible work required to build a self-sustaining colony orbiting the Earth (which is the only viable option given our level of technology) maintaining intellectual freedom is paramount. Constructing social/political/economic systems that reward power to those with self-restraint, and engender trust in those who could harm us is also important. On a smaller scale, raising children is crucially important, because the organism of humanity needs new cells to replace the cells that die. Comedians like Stephen Fry are our philosophers. They perform a remarkable feat of alchemy, taking the banal horrors of political and social life and transmuting them in to something funny, something insightful, something that makes you think. Humor is an effective coping mechanism when we face our own prejudices, our own contradictions and, importantly, the same mistakes we see in others. Too often our leaders, and indeed we ourselves, don't laugh enough at the tragedies of our age - for laughter is more powerful than hate, because it criticizes injustice but mercifully leaves behind the terrible burning that anger creates. Please, Stephen, continue.
- michaelochurch 13y ago
  I want to speak to an important question, though: why DO we continue? I don't see death as innately undesirable (though the period immediately before it can be painful) but I think that karma is real (not the loopy, Westernized kind; it occurs over millennia and its only continuation is through the mind itself-- nothing supernatural other than reincarnation, if that qualifies) and that rebirth is true. Choosing to die isn't necessary karmically negative-- and euthanasia goes into a different category-- but killing anyone (including oneself) in anger or out of a negative emotion probably is karmically negative, and the moment between lives is one of the most powerful/karmically charged points that one faces. So, for me, it just seems like a risk I don't want to take. Even when life seems horrible, I don't kid myself into believing for a second that I couldn't be born again much worse off, facing all the same karmic problems but with less in the way of resources. (No, I'm not saying "suicides go to hell" because I'm not sure I believe in a hell; but I am saying that I think an afterlife is, although certainly not proven, more likely than not and I don't want to go there on bad terms.)
hjay 13y ago
"The strange thing is, if you see me in the street and engage in contemplation I will probably freeze into polite fear and smile inanely until I can get away to be on my lonely ownsome." This is me. I feel lonely all the time, yet when people approach me for conversation, I smile and respond with the least amount of words possible, and long for the moment I can be on my own again.
deleted 13y ago
[deleted]
estacado 13y ago
Suicidal thoughts as a disease may not only be solely genetic, but may have something to do with lifestyle/environment, like other diseases. I wonder how many starving Africans actually have this disease.
- Millennium 13y ago
  First World Problems (tm): because the people you don't sympathize with are just playing life on easy mode.
deleted 13y ago
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deleted 13y ago
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paganel 13y ago
Maybe lots of people already know about it, but I'll just copy-paste this in here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k7X7sZzSXYs https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k7X7sZzSXYs It's not an anti-dote (to loneliness and everything), it just genuinely helped me from time to time and I hope it will also help others.
deleted 13y ago
[deleted]
- erikpukinskis 13y ago
  Hackers are people too?
- ctdonath 13y ago
  Hackers & entrepreneurs are human too, and appreciate clear insights into horrible things they cope with first- and second-hand. It's hard to understand some things which affect your understander-thingie, or which cause loved ones to do things which horribly obscure the problem. Those getting help can help others with "don't go there" or "here's the way back", clearly describing their own experience (which is very hard to articulate). Downvoted for heartlessness, even if innocently so. BTW: the guy is indeed an actor, famous for roles which often appeal to nerds.
  - msh 13y ago
    And he loves Technology (and have been programming once)
- Zikes 13y ago
  A prominent and - present company notwithstanding - quite famous actor has "come out of the closet", so to speak, regarding an issue that is very rarely discussed in a public light by celebrity figures. Very few people in a position such as his will admit to feeling depressed, for the very reasons he's listed in his article. They'll feel all the more guilty for their affliction because by all appearances they should have no right to feel what they feel. Think of all of the other celebrities who have been in his shoes, many of whom succumbed to the suicidal thoughts they battled alone. Might things have been different, had they known that they were not alone? That the burden they bear is not so shameful in light of their outward success? Stephen says in his blog that since his condition came into light, he has fared far better. Maybe if others in his position were not so frightened of what the public would think of them, they could safely seek the support of their fans and family and avoid letting it consume them. This is indeed very newsworthy, though it will likely not appear on any newscasts outside of the UK and neighboring regions. It is also an article of interest about an emergent phenomenon, specifically concerning the treatment of depression as a disease (and by that I do not mean treatment in the medical term, rather the manner in which it is thought by the public).
ctdonath 13y ago
it’s the thought behind the most famous speech in all history. To be, or not to be. In high school I started memorizing that for no particular reason. Upon completing a test, I idly doodled it in the margin waiting for the class to end, and handed in the paper. The next morning, the teacher cornered me in the hall and delicately asked if everything was OK. Bewildered by the time & tone of the question, I suddenly realized what Hamlet's soliloquy was about.
- jtheory 13y ago
  I enjoyed reading through this speech again just now -- I have a strange sense that my thinking has been clouded every time I've read it in the past (primarily in school), but now I can grasp it. That said, I don't agree with Hamlet at all, and the real problem is far deeper than he realizes. I'm also surprised that Stephen uses this soliloquy to capture his own thinking. "To sleep: perchance to dream" -- that's the turn, but Hamlet is worried about the afterlife, about supernatural judgement. He's very right to be, in context -- he's already met a ghost. But isn't Fry a vocal atheist? Isn't he already sure that "no dreams will come"? I don't think I've ever had "might go to Hell" as a reason against suicide... I was already most of the way to atheism by the time I was playing with these kinds of thoughts as a teenager. It's also a cheat, in a way -- sort of like "I don't kill people because I'm afraid then I'll burn in Hell" is much less moral than "I don't kill people because I understand the pain and harm of murder, and I don't want to inflict that on anyone". The real problem of answering "to be or not to be" is that suicide isn't as obviously morally wrong as murder. Yes, harm is done -- the people around us can be devastated, for example -- but for a mind in sufficient pain, it's not hard to attenuate the imagined future suffering down to nothing, and I've talked to lots of people actively doing this ("they say they love me, but they'll be happier when I'm not here causing them so much trouble..."). And it doesn't work to argue someone out of depression, of course, though I'm afraid I learned that lesson the stupid way.
NovemberWest 13y ago
I don't deal well with being alone, but I am also an extrovert. Loneliness and being alone are very much different things. I was much, much, much lonelier in a marriage where love had died than since my divorce, though I was romantically "alone" a long time (however, my sons still live with me so I have rarely been literally alone).
joebeetee 13y ago
..."what the fuck right do I have to be lonely, unhappy or forlorn? I don’t have the right. But there again I don’t have the right not to have those feelings. Feelings are not something to which one does or does not have rights." This is a great quote. Having been exposed to significant poverty and hardship growing up, I am often unnecessarily and overly harsh on celebrities and privileged people - this quote stopped me in my tracks. Then I begin to think about the life/health that I have and start to feel like the jammy one. Sorry Sir Stephen, wish I could help in some way.
baby 13y ago
I don't understand how nihilist people (as I am) who are suicidal (as I am not) are still alive. As long as I can recall I've never had even one thought about killing myself, but if I did I can easily imagine that I would have killed myself.
gadders 13y ago
I can't help feeling a bit cynical about Stephen Fry's suicide "revelation". After gaining all the news coverage, the very next day he announced some new TV project of his. Coincidence?
- jtheory 13y ago
  Perhaps he's starting a new TV project he's pleased about, has his meds well in order, and is feeling strong & stable enough to discuss this now? Or should he wait until nothing's happening in his professional life? Then the cynics would say look, it's been 6 months since he's done anything important, and so he has this suicide "revelation" to get back into the spotlight. Coincidence?
andyhmltn 13y ago
I'm deeply thankful to Fry and everything he's done in this regard. Had I not watched him talking about his experiences so openly I would not have noticed myself acting in a similar manner.

395 points by jlangenauer 13y ago

I've always thought that if you know someone is suicidal, don't always make it apparent that it is on your mind. Sometimes they just need to have a person who lets things be normal - someone who knows what is there, but doesn't let it change the tone of every interaction. That seems one of the most helpful things you can do, in my opinion.

sliverstorm 13y ago
Honestly, as a non-suicidal person, I find my opinions on the matter are almost always wrong (at least according to people who hopefully are in better positions to know) so I have given up having opinions on the matter.
michaelochurch 13y ago
Sometimes they just need to have a person who lets things be normal - someone who knows what is there, but doesn't let it change the tone of every interaction. Yes. I'm very glad you said this. Mental illness is bad, but even worse is all the nonsense you have to put up with from people when you try to get your life back together-- the prying questions, the discrimination, the ridiculously long-lasting career-altering properties (due to people in power generally being superficial and mean-spirited) of minor health problems. It's like a hurricane. A few people die in the storm itself, but then hundreds or thousands die in the human-made chaos and disintegration afterward. Seeing the wreckage that is made of your life after a mental health event (and experiencing the fact that many people want, with glee, to push you back into the hole, because it means less competition) can, for many people, trigger another one that is longer-lasting and harder to break out of. If you're not a psychiatrist or therapist, often the best thing you can do for a mentally ill person is help that person get back to a normal life.
thaumaturgy 13y ago
It is extremely difficult to know how to interact with someone with depression. Often, you're right, it would be fantastic to just hear from someone who invites themselves over for lunch and a game on the weekend. Other times, you really want to be able to just have a deep conversation with someone, to be able to let your guard down for a while and talk about troubling things openly and honestly. Unfortunately, that's often unrealistic: the other person has to be in the mood for it, you have to feel safe enough about it to not shy away from it because it might be made a big deal of later on, when you're feeling better.
mooze 13y ago
I wrote a blog post on this a while ago, but it boils down to being kind and supportive in a non-intrusive, non-judgemental way.
EvanKelly 13y ago
This is the essence of being a good friend. Just "being there" is sometimes the most important thing a person can do. It's easy to let a person know you're there for them without hitting them over the head with the fact that you're worried about them.

flatline 13y ago

> I don’t want to be alone, but I want to be left alone. I have always suffered from this as well. Perhaps it is just a touch of introversion? I have a happy marriage and family but I often need time all to myself or I just get overwhelmed by the constant stimulus of...other people. I don't even necessarily do anything different than I would with my family, though I generally try to work on my own projects or study something interesting.

minikites 13y ago
That's understandable. I read this book: http://www.amazon.com/Quiet-Power-Introverts-World-Talking/dp/0307352153 http://www.amazon.com/Quiet-Power-Introverts-World-Talking/d... and I felt a lot less guilty after more thoroughly understanding myself and what introversion is (not necessarily the same as misanthropy or social anxiety)
- hjay 13y ago
  I saw the picture of Susan Cain (the author) on that page and I thought she was awfully familiar. It was then that I realized she was the lady who gave this talk http://www.ted.com/talks/susan_cain_the_power_of_introverts.html http://www.ted.com/talks/susan_cain_the_power_of_introverts.... a while back. Enjoyed the talk, I will be looking to buy this book once I'm done with my current reading schedule.
  - dwc 13y ago
    That was a great talk. The book is also great, and definitely worthwhile.
PavlovsCat 13y ago
Isn't that the (pop?) definition of extrovert and introvert, i.e. some recharge when with others, others when alone? For me that seems to constantly change, that is, when I spent a lot of time alone, people are exciting and refreshing to me, but if I spend many intensive hours with many people, I sometimes actually physically shiver in relief the second that is over: the moment I walk out the door, close the door behind visitors, or put down the phone, I tremble a bit and feel a wave of relaxation wash over me. I like to think that's a sign that my body and mind were looking forward to some alone time, to process things maybe, instead of me being antisocial or socially inept.. but I'm not sure, could be a bit of both.

javajosh 13y ago

Personally, I think it's great that Fry has been so forthcoming with his travails. It helps others tremendously to know that they are not alone. I want to speak to an important question, though: why DO we continue? This is a discussion of the rational justification, independent of brain-chemistry. Hamlet is right for the wrong reasons. These are my beliefs: The only real reason to continue is because you think that you can contribute, in at least a small way, to the long-term well-being of humanity. You, an individual, are a cell in a vast organism of humanity, and your duty is to find something useful to do. There are many ways to do this, as a (spiritual, physical) healer, as a (artistic, technical) creator, or as a player of (business, political) games (who, by the way, use the output of the first two types in the game). The "long-term well-being of humanity" itself has many possible expressions. On the largest scale, it means making sure that humanity itself can survive any calamity. That means not only taking care of this planet, making sure that it can sustain life, but it also means reaching and colonizing other places in the solar system and galaxy. Given the incredible work required to build a self-sustaining colony orbiting the Earth (which is the only viable option given our level of technology) maintaining intellectual freedom is paramount. Constructing social/political/economic systems that reward power to those with self-restraint, and engender trust in those who could harm us is also important. On a smaller scale, raising children is crucially important, because the organism of humanity needs new cells to replace the cells that die. Comedians like Stephen Fry are our philosophers. They perform a remarkable feat of alchemy, taking the banal horrors of political and social life and transmuting them in to something funny, something insightful, something that makes you think. Humor is an effective coping mechanism when we face our own prejudices, our own contradictions and, importantly, the same mistakes we see in others. Too often our leaders, and indeed we ourselves, don't laugh enough at the tragedies of our age - for laughter is more powerful than hate, because it criticizes injustice but mercifully leaves behind the terrible burning that anger creates. Please, Stephen, continue.

michaelochurch 13y ago
I want to speak to an important question, though: why DO we continue? I don't see death as innately undesirable (though the period immediately before it can be painful) but I think that karma is real (not the loopy, Westernized kind; it occurs over millennia and its only continuation is through the mind itself-- nothing supernatural other than reincarnation, if that qualifies) and that rebirth is true. Choosing to die isn't necessary karmically negative-- and euthanasia goes into a different category-- but killing anyone (including oneself) in anger or out of a negative emotion probably is karmically negative, and the moment between lives is one of the most powerful/karmically charged points that one faces. So, for me, it just seems like a risk I don't want to take. Even when life seems horrible, I don't kid myself into believing for a second that I couldn't be born again much worse off, facing all the same karmic problems but with less in the way of resources. (No, I'm not saying "suicides go to hell" because I'm not sure I believe in a hell; but I am saying that I think an afterlife is, although certainly not proven, more likely than not and I don't want to go there on bad terms.)

hjay 13y ago

"The strange thing is, if you see me in the street and engage in contemplation I will probably freeze into polite fear and smile inanely until I can get away to be on my lonely ownsome." This is me. I feel lonely all the time, yet when people approach me for conversation, I smile and respond with the least amount of words possible, and long for the moment I can be on my own again.

deleted 13y ago

[deleted]

estacado 13y ago

Suicidal thoughts as a disease may not only be solely genetic, but may have something to do with lifestyle/environment, like other diseases. I wonder how many starving Africans actually have this disease.

Millennium 13y ago
First World Problems (tm): because the people you don't sympathize with are just playing life on easy mode.

deleted 13y ago

[deleted]

deleted 13y ago

[deleted]

paganel 13y ago

Maybe lots of people already know about it, but I'll just copy-paste this in here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k7X7sZzSXYs https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k7X7sZzSXYs It's not an anti-dote (to loneliness and everything), it just genuinely helped me from time to time and I hope it will also help others.

deleted 13y ago

[deleted]

erikpukinskis 13y ago
Hackers are people too?
ctdonath 13y ago
Hackers & entrepreneurs are human too, and appreciate clear insights into horrible things they cope with first- and second-hand. It's hard to understand some things which affect your understander-thingie, or which cause loved ones to do things which horribly obscure the problem. Those getting help can help others with "don't go there" or "here's the way back", clearly describing their own experience (which is very hard to articulate). Downvoted for heartlessness, even if innocently so. BTW: the guy is indeed an actor, famous for roles which often appeal to nerds.
- msh 13y ago
  And he loves Technology (and have been programming once)
Zikes 13y ago
A prominent and - present company notwithstanding - quite famous actor has "come out of the closet", so to speak, regarding an issue that is very rarely discussed in a public light by celebrity figures. Very few people in a position such as his will admit to feeling depressed, for the very reasons he's listed in his article. They'll feel all the more guilty for their affliction because by all appearances they should have no right to feel what they feel. Think of all of the other celebrities who have been in his shoes, many of whom succumbed to the suicidal thoughts they battled alone. Might things have been different, had they known that they were not alone? That the burden they bear is not so shameful in light of their outward success? Stephen says in his blog that since his condition came into light, he has fared far better. Maybe if others in his position were not so frightened of what the public would think of them, they could safely seek the support of their fans and family and avoid letting it consume them. This is indeed very newsworthy, though it will likely not appear on any newscasts outside of the UK and neighboring regions. It is also an article of interest about an emergent phenomenon, specifically concerning the treatment of depression as a disease (and by that I do not mean treatment in the medical term, rather the manner in which it is thought by the public).

ctdonath 13y ago

it’s the thought behind the most famous speech in all history. To be, or not to be. In high school I started memorizing that for no particular reason. Upon completing a test, I idly doodled it in the margin waiting for the class to end, and handed in the paper. The next morning, the teacher cornered me in the hall and delicately asked if everything was OK. Bewildered by the time & tone of the question, I suddenly realized what Hamlet's soliloquy was about.

jtheory 13y ago
I enjoyed reading through this speech again just now -- I have a strange sense that my thinking has been clouded every time I've read it in the past (primarily in school), but now I can grasp it. That said, I don't agree with Hamlet at all, and the real problem is far deeper than he realizes. I'm also surprised that Stephen uses this soliloquy to capture his own thinking. "To sleep: perchance to dream" -- that's the turn, but Hamlet is worried about the afterlife, about supernatural judgement. He's very right to be, in context -- he's already met a ghost. But isn't Fry a vocal atheist? Isn't he already sure that "no dreams will come"? I don't think I've ever had "might go to Hell" as a reason against suicide... I was already most of the way to atheism by the time I was playing with these kinds of thoughts as a teenager. It's also a cheat, in a way -- sort of like "I don't kill people because I'm afraid then I'll burn in Hell" is much less moral than "I don't kill people because I understand the pain and harm of murder, and I don't want to inflict that on anyone". The real problem of answering "to be or not to be" is that suicide isn't as obviously morally wrong as murder. Yes, harm is done -- the people around us can be devastated, for example -- but for a mind in sufficient pain, it's not hard to attenuate the imagined future suffering down to nothing, and I've talked to lots of people actively doing this ("they say they love me, but they'll be happier when I'm not here causing them so much trouble..."). And it doesn't work to argue someone out of depression, of course, though I'm afraid I learned that lesson the stupid way.

NovemberWest 13y ago

I don't deal well with being alone, but I am also an extrovert. Loneliness and being alone are very much different things. I was much, much, much lonelier in a marriage where love had died than since my divorce, though I was romantically "alone" a long time (however, my sons still live with me so I have rarely been literally alone).

joebeetee 13y ago

..."what the fuck right do I have to be lonely, unhappy or forlorn? I don’t have the right. But there again I don’t have the right not to have those feelings. Feelings are not something to which one does or does not have rights." This is a great quote. Having been exposed to significant poverty and hardship growing up, I am often unnecessarily and overly harsh on celebrities and privileged people - this quote stopped me in my tracks. Then I begin to think about the life/health that I have and start to feel like the jammy one. Sorry Sir Stephen, wish I could help in some way.

baby 13y ago

I don't understand how nihilist people (as I am) who are suicidal (as I am not) are still alive. As long as I can recall I've never had even one thought about killing myself, but if I did I can easily imagine that I would have killed myself.

gadders 13y ago

I can't help feeling a bit cynical about Stephen Fry's suicide "revelation". After gaining all the news coverage, the very next day he announced some new TV project of his. Coincidence?

jtheory 13y ago
Perhaps he's starting a new TV project he's pleased about, has his meds well in order, and is feeling strong & stable enough to discuss this now? Or should he wait until nothing's happening in his professional life? Then the cynics would say look, it's been 6 months since he's done anything important, and so he has this suicide "revelation" to get back into the spotlight. Coincidence?

andyhmltn 13y ago

I'm deeply thankful to Fry and everything he's done in this regard. Had I not watched him talking about his experiences so openly I would not have noticed myself acting in a similar manner.