You're trying to control forces outside of your control. The result of this are your emotions that are destructive to your health. From your post, in order list

You're trying to control forces outside of your control. The result of this are your emotions that are destructive to your health. From your post, in order listed: furious, disappointed, outraged, unfortunately, died, disagreed, forgotten, drop in passion. You keep feeling this way - you're going to kill your health.