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I've been on CS for several years but only got active around 2009 (up until the end of 2012). I've hosted and been hosted once, both being slightly odd experien

I've been on CS for several years but only got active around 2009 (up until the end of 2012). I've hosted and been hosted once, both being slightly odd experiences due to being 10-day stays each. In my mind, the meetings are what make it appealing, though after a while I started to see they were all about the same thing: drinking with instant friends. Almost every event has alcohol involved as well as "instant friends", seemingly good people with whom I could be friendly but never really connect. As a foreigner living in a large city, I could never be as interesting as a foreigner who was just visiting, even though I personally only found myself enjoying (to a certain extent) the local CSers because at least I could try to build an on-going friendship with them. The seedy underbelly of CS is that it's a hook-up enabler. Many local CSers have had sexual relations with other local CSers as well as with the foreign CSers. The idea of "if it happens, it happens" is fine with me but I found that the main draw for the locals in several large foreign cities was finding a hook-up. In fact, I'll admit that my girlfriend is someone I met on CS (though we maintained a couple-year friendship before meeting). Now that we live in the same city, sometimes we have contact with the same CSers and in few instances we both get messaged by the same user. In one case, a male user who I met at a local meeting sent me a very brief, basic email saying we should hang out some time. My gf, who he hadn't met, got a message from him that was longer, funnier, and which specifically asked about going out on a certain date, and where he left his cell number at the bottom. For this reasons above, the "instant friend" CSers (even the most "hardcore" or well-known of them) never became real friends, despite my attempts to make friendships. Also, any CS event had to be an "event" for anyone to really care, meaning it had to be sizable. In my new city, in a new country, the local group is chock-full of "let's go out tonight (drink & party)" posts. No substance, no spirit.

peterwwillis 13y ago
I wouldn't say CS has a "seedy underbelly". There's a few things that make sex an issue. First off (like someone said) it's an online social network - there will be lots of creeps by default. But CS helps weed them out by encouraging references and friends. It's not perfect, but it's a good indicator of behavior. Second, the whole point of CS is for (mainly) adults to socialize in foreign places. If my theory that the users are at least 50% single is correct, hookups are going to happen. CS even makes it easier by encouraging like-minded people to meet each other, and spend several days together. Third, local communities that meet regularly form a kind of peer social network that will lead to people hooking up. That's any local community, be it an indie music scene, a foodie group, whatever. CSers who tend to get together locally are (imho) lonely and want to have fun with other people, so hooking up is more of an eventuality than a possibility. I agree with you that very few (if any) of my CS meetings led to real friendship, but I didn't get into it to make new friends. I just like travel and meeting people.
- erebrus 13y ago
  My experience is quite different. I made several lasting friendships in both local and foreign CS meetings. I have a big group of friends locally, and CS just added some more.
kpennell 13y ago
Meetups suffer from this too...You can chat for a couple hours and "connect" but it's really really hard to take it beyond that. I dislike it but am guilty of it too, it's too hard to take a chance on giving people more of your valuable time, I suppose?
- hilko 13y ago
  Well, how much easier is it to 'connect' in other settings? Do you connect more significantly with colleagues? random people you meet at clubs, bars, or other types of social events? I'd say the 'connection' problem is equally real outside of meetups, and more an issue of post-college life: First, there is almost no institutional 'mingling' (outside of work anyways). Second, we stop having the massive amounts of free time that we used to have in school and/or college to goof around with others. And third, we have less energy and often more responsibilities in the bit of free time we have left. Add to that perhaps a general increase in weariness, 'emotional scarring', and decrease in energy and decreased need for socializing (for some of us anyways), and the whole concept of 'connecting' with new people in a post-education, full-time work life (for you AND them) becomes a serious challenge...
  - kpennell 13y ago
    Very very true...

peterwwillis 13y ago

I wouldn't say CS has a "seedy underbelly". There's a few things that make sex an issue. First off (like someone said) it's an online social network - there will be lots of creeps by default. But CS helps weed them out by encouraging references and friends. It's not perfect, but it's a good indicator of behavior. Second, the whole point of CS is for (mainly) adults to socialize in foreign places. If my theory that the users are at least 50% single is correct, hookups are going to happen. CS even makes it easier by encouraging like-minded people to meet each other, and spend several days together. Third, local communities that meet regularly form a kind of peer social network that will lead to people hooking up. That's any local community, be it an indie music scene, a foodie group, whatever. CSers who tend to get together locally are (imho) lonely and want to have fun with other people, so hooking up is more of an eventuality than a possibility. I agree with you that very few (if any) of my CS meetings led to real friendship, but I didn't get into it to make new friends. I just like travel and meeting people.

erebrus 13y ago
My experience is quite different. I made several lasting friendships in both local and foreign CS meetings. I have a big group of friends locally, and CS just added some more.

kpennell 13y ago

Meetups suffer from this too...You can chat for a couple hours and "connect" but it's really really hard to take it beyond that. I dislike it but am guilty of it too, it's too hard to take a chance on giving people more of your valuable time, I suppose?

hilko 13y ago
Well, how much easier is it to 'connect' in other settings? Do you connect more significantly with colleagues? random people you meet at clubs, bars, or other types of social events? I'd say the 'connection' problem is equally real outside of meetups, and more an issue of post-college life: First, there is almost no institutional 'mingling' (outside of work anyways). Second, we stop having the massive amounts of free time that we used to have in school and/or college to goof around with others. And third, we have less energy and often more responsibilities in the bit of free time we have left. Add to that perhaps a general increase in weariness, 'emotional scarring', and decrease in energy and decreased need for socializing (for some of us anyways), and the whole concept of 'connecting' with new people in a post-education, full-time work life (for you AND them) becomes a serious challenge...
- kpennell 13y ago
  Very very true...