I feel the same way, despite being 'good at math' and having completed the math curriculum for an engineering degree. I know how to use everything, I understand

I feel the same way, despite being 'good at math' and having completed the math curriculum for an engineering degree. I know how to use everything, I understand what is being represented and the general structure of the tools I use, but I feel like something is missing. Math used to 'flow' for me when I was in grade school, but somewhere along the way, I think I lost the plot and no longer think mathematically. I am quick to look up formulas rather than intuiting them. I have moments where I completely understand gradient descent for multi-dimensional logistic regression, but they are fleeting and pass with some retarded thought like why does 2 + 2 = 4? I then give up and just implement the parts of the algorithm without keeping track of the broad picture and it feels... dirty. Guh.