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You're much better off getting up off your butt and going out and meeting people on your own. Since I've been in the recent job market (about a year now), I've

You're much better off getting up off your butt and going out and meeting people on your own. Since I've been in the recent job market (about a year now), I've found similar numbers of (apparently) helpful recruiters and sleazy ones. Even if the ratio were 1-in-20, it would still be better for me and people like me to use recruiters. To be clear, "people like me" here refers to those of us who strongly dislike networking, gladhanding, and basically pretending to be interested in people we know nothing about except that they might be able to help us get a job at some point. While it's not nearly so strong as my dislike of meeting new people, my aversion even to interacting with people I already know is strong enough that I regularly fail to keep in touch with family and close friends for months or years at a time. Fortunately, I have very understanding friends. :)

edw519 18y ago
"basically pretending to be interested in people we know nothing about except that they might be able to help us get a job" No! No! No! This is not what I meant and I apologize if I inferred it. Pretending's got nothing to do with it. On this or any other subject. You do not "network" (or whatever you want to call it) to "get a job" or to "get" anything for that matter. You network because you are a human being. If you are extremely introverted or dislike being among others, fine. Many of us here are either like that or once were. I understand. I suggest you give it a try. You may be the best assembly programmer in the western hemisphere, but you are still a human being. You are already hard wired to interact with the rest of us. It's not really that big a deal. Getting business referals is a natural byproduct, not the purpose, of normal human interaction. The more you interact, the better your chances. The better for everyone. (As an aside, if you "pretend" at anything, prepared to get clocked, sooner or later. Pretending is an investment in nothing.)
- randallsquared 18y ago
  Oh, I don't dislike being among others, all the time. I dislike meeting new people a bit, and since "networking" involves meeting as many new people as possible, it's basically a shorthand for the part of social interaction I dislike. :) I'm not "extremely" introverted or anything; it's just that going through recruiters has seemed to be a more pleasant avenue than meeting dozens or hundreds of new people over the same period. We disagree about pretending, too. Pretending is the quickest way to changing your personality, distasteful as it is in the short term. Want to be more optimistic, happier, more outgoing? Start acting as though you are right now, and you'll move in that direction. Pretending is 80% of social interaction, too, as far as I can see. "Hey, how are you, today?" is, in the vast majority of cases, a pretense of being actually interested in my day. If you want to find out how many people are pretending, answer in detail rather than just saying "Great!" or some such answer. I sometimes answer in detail, anyway, because I forget that virtually everyone else is pretending (or because I'm not paying enough attention to consciously respond correctly), rather than interested, and this almost always ends awkwardly. :)
  - Chocobean 18y ago
    Do you also do this : You: "Hello! How are you?" Someone: "Good! How about you?" You: "Good! How about you?" Someone: "...?" You: "..."
    - randallsquared 18y ago
      Of course. It's another awkward failure mode, since it becomes unavoidably clear that we're just saying stock phrases. :)
      - Chocobean 18y ago
        Indeed. I think I only learned how to small-talk and "network" as a parlour trick (like Fry). Fortunately I am able to form deep and meaningful friendships; anything above an acquaintance level is possible, but requires hard work. Yay introverts. =P

edw519 18y ago

"basically pretending to be interested in people we know nothing about except that they might be able to help us get a job" No! No! No! This is not what I meant and I apologize if I inferred it. Pretending's got nothing to do with it. On this or any other subject. You do not "network" (or whatever you want to call it) to "get a job" or to "get" anything for that matter. You network because you are a human being. If you are extremely introverted or dislike being among others, fine. Many of us here are either like that or once were. I understand. I suggest you give it a try. You may be the best assembly programmer in the western hemisphere, but you are still a human being. You are already hard wired to interact with the rest of us. It's not really that big a deal. Getting business referals is a natural byproduct, not the purpose, of normal human interaction. The more you interact, the better your chances. The better for everyone. (As an aside, if you "pretend" at anything, prepared to get clocked, sooner or later. Pretending is an investment in nothing.)

randallsquared 18y ago
Oh, I don't dislike being among others, all the time. I dislike meeting new people a bit, and since "networking" involves meeting as many new people as possible, it's basically a shorthand for the part of social interaction I dislike. :) I'm not "extremely" introverted or anything; it's just that going through recruiters has seemed to be a more pleasant avenue than meeting dozens or hundreds of new people over the same period. We disagree about pretending, too. Pretending is the quickest way to changing your personality, distasteful as it is in the short term. Want to be more optimistic, happier, more outgoing? Start acting as though you are right now, and you'll move in that direction. Pretending is 80% of social interaction, too, as far as I can see. "Hey, how are you, today?" is, in the vast majority of cases, a pretense of being actually interested in my day. If you want to find out how many people are pretending, answer in detail rather than just saying "Great!" or some such answer. I sometimes answer in detail, anyway, because I forget that virtually everyone else is pretending (or because I'm not paying enough attention to consciously respond correctly), rather than interested, and this almost always ends awkwardly. :)
- Chocobean 18y ago
  Do you also do this : You: "Hello! How are you?" Someone: "Good! How about you?" You: "Good! How about you?" Someone: "...?" You: "..."
  - randallsquared 18y ago
    Of course. It's another awkward failure mode, since it becomes unavoidably clear that we're just saying stock phrases. :)
    - Chocobean 18y ago
      Indeed. I think I only learned how to small-talk and "network" as a parlour trick (like Fry). Fortunately I am able to form deep and meaningful friendships; anything above an acquaintance level is possible, but requires hard work. Yay introverts. =P