if you apologize wihtout learning anything, your apology is an empty one. Not at all. The apology -- which one should issue immediately and without hesitation

if you apologize wihtout learning anything, your apology is an empty one. Not at all. The apology -- which one should issue immediately and without hesitation -- is full of meaning. Very important meaning. Just not literal meaning. What is the apology saying? "I hear you and I understand that you were really offended." "I am trying to listen to you." "I am not trying to hurt you on purpose." "I am not trying to deliberately start a giant flame war that tears our community apart." "I am open to reconsidering what I said, and the way I said it, in light of your interpretation of my words." "I have basic social skills and recognize the role of Apologizer when I see it." (See: http://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=240170 http://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=240170 ) What the apology is not: An admission of guilt, an admission that you did something illegal or even something wrong. You do not have to break down in tears. You don't have to agree with the complainer. You don't have to change your mind. What you have to do is signal some sympathy: That you're a civilized person who is open to "trying to understand" the offended person. That you want to de-escalate the situation rather than start a fight. That you're not a troll -- that is, someone who (a) deliberately introduces a topic that is likely to be offensive and then (b) continues to push the buttons of any offended people until a giant flame war breaks out.