Dear Householder, Our records show that no one living at your address has purchased anything from Foo Department Stores during the past year. Since 99.9% of th

Dear Householder, Our records show that no one living at your address has purchased anything from Foo Department Stores during the past year. Since 99.9% of the UK population buys at least one item each year from us, you must have stolen something from us. To pay for the item you have stolen ... . Otherwise we will have to come and search your house to discover what you have stolen from us. Yours, Foo Department Stores.