Maybe we should stop using the term "sexist," and start saying "not cool," or "less than optimal," or "alienating." Why? Because when we use the word "sexist,"

Maybe we should stop using the term "sexist," and start saying "not cool," or "less than optimal," or "alienating." Why? Because when we use the word "sexist," some people immediately go into "i only care about the code, I don't care about the gender" mode, which I think is sincere, but misses the point about the other, non-code-review behavior not being cool. I believe it when people say they can impartially evaluate code and conference proposals without being distracted by gender. But that doesn't mean we can't be alienating with our behavior. The blogger in this post is successfully putting Ruby code into the world, and co-chairing a new conference (raising eyebrow, maybe she is "doing something about it" :D ). It's not necessarily about acceptance, which she has. It's about wanting to really like your community, which she doesn't at the moment. Speaking personally (am female)my problem with this is more the feeling of being repelled than excluded. I regularly back away from IRC channels, user group meetings, BOF's, etc not because I think individuals are sexist by the definition of "They think females are inferior coders," I don't think that's the problem. The sensation is more like, "it seems like they'd have more fun if I weren't here." I think to myself, "If they're talking about strippers and whores this much when I'm here, they probably would have more fun if I weren't." I don't call them out, it's their space as much as mine. I just leave. It's not really about content, it's about context. There are a million places where the t&a graphics from those slides wouldn't make me wince at all, but this place wasn't one of them. Ditto strippers. I'm not offended, I'm just pickin' up signals. That said, I don't think anything should be censored or not allowed, (not that anybody, even the original blogger has suggested as much), We just can't be surprised when people who don't know us well interpret our subjective expressions a certain way. Lot of people are talking whether the presenter "meant to offend." Of course he didn't. He seems really nice and smart. And NOT sexist. I feel bad for him, because this issue is bigger than him, and I'd probably love to hang out with him in a heartbeat, even though I don't think his slides were the right call. But... I'm reminded of this Jay Smooth video where he said you have separate "if a person is racist* from "is what the person said racist?" (http://www.illdoctrine.com/2008/07/how_to_tell_people_they_sound.html http://www.illdoctrine.com/2008/07/how_to_tell_people_they_s...) Personally, I'm willing to drop the word sexism altogether, and just say, bad (subjective, but may get us to focus the discussion more.) This way, we can talk more about whether stuff is good for us, rather than if it's sexist. (added)