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I know I am addicted to programming. I have rather nasty chronic pain, and I have found programming to be one of the best coping mechanisms so far. The whole "s

by Rhapso 13y ago

I know I am addicted to programming. I have rather nasty chronic pain, and I have found programming to be one of the best coping mechanisms so far. The whole "spacing in"/hyper-focus/computer-zen-trance thing results in me not noticing the pain. I am at minimum addicted to the not-hurting caused endorphins of programming. This has good and bad results. It means I not only can, but wish to code for long continuous stretches (about 40-50 hours has been my max before burning out, with a few 5-20min food/unkink/bathroom breaks) and I have difficulty programming for less then 5 hours in a stretch. It means that when I finish something, or find myself without an active project then I go a bit nuts: I tend to write a first few thousand lines of a GA or Chat-bot until I get my fix and can stop (and normally chuck the resulting code). It means I do a lot of "code-katas". It also means I am very frustrated in team scenarios where I have to often "come up for air" to communicate with teammates as this diminishes the pain-avoidance. It means I do not spend a lot of time on design and documentation, I just dive in and start writing code and actually enjoy the process of spending hours fiddling with things until they work. In fact, my addiction to programming is likely a core factor in my choice of education and career. With this moment of reflection, I get to ask myself a question: Is the fact I do what I do largely as a symptom of addiction a bad thing? At minimum is a strike against my self actualization. Is an addiction that people will pay you to feed a bad thing?

glass_of_water 13y ago
I think this addiction can be fine as long as its not self destructive and not detrimental to your personal happiness.
klibertp 13y ago
Is your pain linked to movement? Sitting straight for long hours may be an option then. Or maybe it's not really the pain, just a slightly uncomfortable feeling... Because really, you can't program while in pain. You can't even think straight, nor sleep, nor eat. No amount of "coping" ever helps and sooner or later, no matter how strong a person you are, you wish for death. I've been there, there is no saying how great an impact pain has on your quality of life, your thinking, your family, your dreams, everything. Guess what I want to say is that you're incredibly lucky to cope with your pain just by programming, but I think you shouldn't call it nasty - exactly because something like programming helps.
- Rhapso 13y ago
  My pain is not linked to anything except stress and barometric pressure. I have been diagnosed chronic migraines (a diagnosis I do not really agree with) and chronic sinusitis. When I was 16 a classmate with whom I had a disagreement with saw fit to smash my face between his fist and a wall I was backed up against. This scarred my sinuses and two surgeries to attempt to fix it have failed (and they can't safely try again). In addition I suffer from something resembling a migraine, I say resembling because it has not stopped for the last 6 years (migraines are suppose to come and go, this just changes in intensity. My current theory as to the cause of my "migraines" is I have a sensory processing disorder, but according the the DSM I need to also be autistic to have sensory processing disorder (of which I only have the symptoms that overlap with being a programmer and academic and thus it does not make a lot of sense) The first few years of these pains were exactly like you described. I was constantly suffering and it was breaking me down. I was mostly non-functioning and barely able to keep up with high-school. After three years of nonstop pain I realized my life was not going to go anywhere until I had made some changes. I decided I was going to strive to not suffer from my pain. That is an impossible challenge. It is not 'coping' per say, as I do not hurt any less but it is coping in the sense that I decided to put on the strong facade of not hurting to the majority of the world. I've been neurologists, on multiple medications. The few medications that did work (Topimerate for example) lessened and even stopped the migraines, but with bad cognitive effects (short term memory issues and shortening of my attention span). Right now I am unmedicated and working on my PhD. My end solution to the pain is to work so much that I don't have much energy left for suffering. It's not fun, but it is better then wallowing and I'll take that.
  - klibertp 13y ago
    The downvote caused me to think, and I wanted to apologize if my post sounded arrogant. What I meant is that, while I understand what you're saying and it's very good that you've been able to win against your pain, there are pains that are on god-mode and impossible to beat or ignore, or even to cope with. My polyneuropathy is one of things like this - I was able to put a strong facade for five years, until it worsened to the point where I couldn't anymore. And that was just the beginning, because it went downhill from there. It's good to be "strong", but it's stupid to be stubborn and when the pain becomes too much taking medications is the right way. Even if you become a bit dumber because of them. At least that's what I did and having felt relief I can't imagine suffering once more like that. I have nightmares about that.

by Rhapso 13y ago

glass_of_water 13y ago

I think this addiction can be fine as long as its not self destructive and not detrimental to your personal happiness.

klibertp 13y ago

Is your pain linked to movement? Sitting straight for long hours may be an option then. Or maybe it's not really the pain, just a slightly uncomfortable feeling... Because really, you can't program while in pain. You can't even think straight, nor sleep, nor eat. No amount of "coping" ever helps and sooner or later, no matter how strong a person you are, you wish for death. I've been there, there is no saying how great an impact pain has on your quality of life, your thinking, your family, your dreams, everything. Guess what I want to say is that you're incredibly lucky to cope with your pain just by programming, but I think you shouldn't call it nasty - exactly because something like programming helps.

Rhapso 13y ago
My pain is not linked to anything except stress and barometric pressure. I have been diagnosed chronic migraines (a diagnosis I do not really agree with) and chronic sinusitis. When I was 16 a classmate with whom I had a disagreement with saw fit to smash my face between his fist and a wall I was backed up against. This scarred my sinuses and two surgeries to attempt to fix it have failed (and they can't safely try again). In addition I suffer from something resembling a migraine, I say resembling because it has not stopped for the last 6 years (migraines are suppose to come and go, this just changes in intensity. My current theory as to the cause of my "migraines" is I have a sensory processing disorder, but according the the DSM I need to also be autistic to have sensory processing disorder (of which I only have the symptoms that overlap with being a programmer and academic and thus it does not make a lot of sense) The first few years of these pains were exactly like you described. I was constantly suffering and it was breaking me down. I was mostly non-functioning and barely able to keep up with high-school. After three years of nonstop pain I realized my life was not going to go anywhere until I had made some changes. I decided I was going to strive to not suffer from my pain. That is an impossible challenge. It is not 'coping' per say, as I do not hurt any less but it is coping in the sense that I decided to put on the strong facade of not hurting to the majority of the world. I've been neurologists, on multiple medications. The few medications that did work (Topimerate for example) lessened and even stopped the migraines, but with bad cognitive effects (short term memory issues and shortening of my attention span). Right now I am unmedicated and working on my PhD. My end solution to the pain is to work so much that I don't have much energy left for suffering. It's not fun, but it is better then wallowing and I'll take that.
- klibertp 13y ago
  The downvote caused me to think, and I wanted to apologize if my post sounded arrogant. What I meant is that, while I understand what you're saying and it's very good that you've been able to win against your pain, there are pains that are on god-mode and impossible to beat or ignore, or even to cope with. My polyneuropathy is one of things like this - I was able to put a strong facade for five years, until it worsened to the point where I couldn't anymore. And that was just the beginning, because it went downhill from there. It's good to be "strong", but it's stupid to be stubborn and when the pain becomes too much taking medications is the right way. Even if you become a bit dumber because of them. At least that's what I did and having felt relief I can't imagine suffering once more like that. I have nightmares about that.