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>I want to start a family, and I want them to have the best life and the best opportunities available. Not to be spoiled, but simply to have a good life. This.
by lsc 13y ago
>I want to start a family, and I want them to have the best life and the best opportunities available. Not to be spoiled, but simply to have a good life.
This... does not always work out how you think it will.
I'm the oldest of six. (Divorced/remarried parents, 3 kids each). I'm dramatically more successful than any of my siblings, adjusted for age. According to the tests, I'm not any smarter than them; according to in-school performance, well, I'm about the worst of the bunch, academically.
Now part of this was just plain luck; I graduated from highschool in like 97-98, and had a solid sysadmin/programming job within months. If I had gone to college? There's no way I would have been able to do as well looking for work in 2002.
But, I think a lot of it was that when I was growing up? money wasn't a given. I mean, my parents weren't dirt poor or anything; they owned a house, etc... But, I watched as they moved up from renting crappy places to buying their first house. Clothing often came from goodwill. They loaned me money to get a cheap car when I got out of high school, but I was expected to pay them back. If I worked hard and got good grades and scholarships, there'd probably have been some help for college, but it certainly wasn't a given.
By the time my siblings came of age? my parents were in much better shape.
Now, I mean, when I say I'm more successful, I mean financially, maybe they are happier, I don't know. It's quite possible; I certainly wouldn't call myself well-adjusted. And certainly, that can be more important than money; but I'm pretty much the only one here that wouldn't be in trouble if our parental safety net went away, and that's kindof a big thing, I think.
But, my point is? more money does not always mean more successful children. Children look at what you do, not what you say, so if you are optimizing for successful children, it's probably best to have them watch you /become/ successful, not watch how you act after you have become successful, and have time to enjoy the fruits of that effort.
- thedufer 13y agoAnecdotes are fun, but the data suggests over and over again that financially successful parents have more financially successful children.
- smartician 13y ago* citation needed I can see how this is true when you compare poor vs. non-poor families. But the article is about staying middle class vs. pursuing riches by founding a successful company. It's probably true that the children of millionaires will be financially better off than children of middle class families, but that leads back to the point of the article: Will that affluence make them happy and more fulfilled?
- Zelphyr 13y agoYour statement erroneously associates financial success with happiness. Provably untrue.
- CodeMage 13y agoI was going to complain about the same thing, but it turns out that @lsc said "more money does not always mean more successful children". Perhaps it was a poor choice of words and he really meant "happier" instead of "more successful".
- lsc 13y agoI was talking about financial success, of course. I'm not qualified to speak of 'self-actualization' or what have you. I specifically said: >Now, I mean, when I say I'm more successful, I mean financially, maybe they are happier, I don't know. It's quite possible; I certainly wouldn't call myself well-adjusted. And certainly, that can be more important than money; but I'm pretty much the only one here that wouldn't be in trouble if our parental safety net went away, and that's kindof a big thing, I think. so yeah. it's quite possible my siblings are happier than I am. I don't know, but I am fairly certain that they would be happier than they are now if they had more money (or rather, had more independent earning power.) I mean, sure, money doesn't buy happiness... but, at least until you have 'enough'? it makes a pretty big difference; I've had 'enough' I think, by that standard, pretty much since I reached the age of majority, and it gives me a huge degree of freedom that my siblings mostly don't have. (that said, I probably would be a lot happier if I focused less on money and more on the other stuff. I mean, right now I'm putting a lot of effort into running a business when I could live fairly well just contracting for other people maybe one third of the time, and instead focus on other things.)
- enraged_camel 13y agoProvably untrue only after a certain point. It is very difficult to be happy when one is homeless, or is living paycheck to paycheck and has to stress about paying bills on time.
- greggman 13y ago
- jcampbell1 13y agoThe actual data exists but is not that strong. IIRC, it says that 40% of people born in the bottom quintile remain in the bottom quintile, but 60% dont. The same goes for the top quintile. I am just recalling these numbers from a potentially faulty memory, but if you want to see for yourself, search for "intergenerational economic mobility"
- calinet6 13y agoTotally agree, lots of great points there. I had much the same experience (except for the college experience) and hope to take it into account. I love the last bit about how children watch what you do, not what you say. Completely agree.