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Huh? So you're suggesting setting the bar low for your inner-self just so you can avoid intimidating partners of a lower standard? That makes no sense to me. If
by acjohnson55 13y ago
Huh? So you're suggesting setting the bar low for your inner-self just so you can avoid intimidating partners of a lower standard? That makes no sense to me. If I were single (which I'm not, because I have a satisfying relationship built on mutual admiration), I would want people of low aspirations to self-select themselves out of my dating pool.
- dnautics 13y agoWhy? People with "low aspirations" are not necessarily bad people, nor unsuitable mates. Everyone needs something different in their lives. All I'm saying is that "self-improvement for the sake of dating" is terrible advice. Most people want to go on dates with people who are attractive, and self-improvement is often an anti-pattern for that. Yes, we'd like to think that everyone has real standards (versus superficial ones), we'd probably even like to think that we set real, personality standards for ourselves, but that doesn't get you out meeting people, and it can be extremely intimidating when you actually do. It's merely bad advice because that's not what people are looking for. Even people who might intellectually think "oh, I'm looking for a good guy/good gal" are not six times out of ten (that's a made-up statistic)
- Psyonic 13y ago"Most people want to go on dates with people who are attractive, and self-improvement is often an anti-pattern for that." I don't see the contradiction. I'm fairly obsessed with self-improvement and my body and health are a big part of that. I'm certainly more attractive now than I was 5 years ago, for example.
- acjohnson55 13y agoWe'll just have to agree to disagree. People with low aspirations aren't bad. I just don't view them as particularly strong candidates for dating, or even close friendship, for that matter.