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I have to disagree with "you should do your best to refrain from showing it". I believe that the attempted refraining is causing those tiresome sexual advances.

I have to disagree with "you should do your best to refrain from showing it". I believe that the attempted refraining is causing those tiresome sexual advances. I mean I know guys on both ends of the spectrum of flirting proficiency, and it's the guys at the "refrain" end of the spectrum that make situations akward when they try. Courtship is just as much a skill as programming is. And refraining from programming because you aren't good at it is never going to get you anywhere near good. When you then try to skript something together desperately, you will fail. On the other hand, the "experienced" rarely made conversations akward for them or the girl, in fact most girls they talked with enjoyed it. Things like attraction, they're low level things, and they'll leak out. And the more you strain to hold them in, the more akward it gets. I have yet to see a person that can convincingly mask off attraction towards another person. So don't simply try to force attraction out of the workplace, rather keep anything you do there as professional as you would with other things. Also for 3. : Go get it girl!

CurtMonash 13y ago
As in most non-trivial choices, context matters. I just emailed a woman that I know professionally that she is beautiful. More precisely, I replied to a photo of her lying in a hospital bed with her newborn daughter "Mother and daughter are both beautiful". I had little fear she would think I was hitting on her. :) But it took a situation that extreme for me to say that. Her job requires her to be nice to me, so I surely don't want her to regret that necessity. Back in the 1980s, when ever the most impressive of women -- e.g. Ann Winblad, Sandy Kurtzig or Esther Dyson -- felt they needed a flirtatious demeanor as part of their toolkit, I usually didn't respond ... unless, of course, we were dancing at a party. ;) But I recently saw Sandy again, made it clear she's looking awesome, and hugged her a couple of times; she's over 60 now, and at this point of her life I figured she probably wouldn't mind the attention. ;)

CurtMonash 13y ago

As in most non-trivial choices, context matters. I just emailed a woman that I know professionally that she is beautiful. More precisely, I replied to a photo of her lying in a hospital bed with her newborn daughter "Mother and daughter are both beautiful". I had little fear she would think I was hitting on her. :) But it took a situation that extreme for me to say that. Her job requires her to be nice to me, so I surely don't want her to regret that necessity. Back in the 1980s, when ever the most impressive of women -- e.g. Ann Winblad, Sandy Kurtzig or Esther Dyson -- felt they needed a flirtatious demeanor as part of their toolkit, I usually didn't respond ... unless, of course, we were dancing at a party. ;) But I recently saw Sandy again, made it clear she's looking awesome, and hugged her a couple of times; she's over 60 now, and at this point of her life I figured she probably wouldn't mind the attention. ;)