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Granted, I am the kind of girl who reads Hacker News, but, for what it's worth, it's often awkward for us, too. For men or women! Hug or handshake? Or wacky Eur

by karmel 13y ago

Granted, I am the kind of girl who reads Hacker News, but, for what it's worth, it's often awkward for us, too. For men or women! Hug or handshake? Or wacky Euro kiss thing? I find myself hugging after first meet, unless we're at work or in a professional context, in which case I default to handshake. The awkwardness occurs at, for example, work parties, where the party leads me to default to hug, but then I second guess at the last moment, realizing I normally only interact with so-and-so professionally. In the end, I usually settle on, oh-well-he/she-will-adapt and hug. Act with confidence, and any potential awkwardness washes away...

claudius 13y ago
> Act with confidence, and any potential awkwardness washes away... Please, no. Not everyone wants to hug you, not everyone wants to kiss you, not everyone wants to have sex with you. Default to no physical contact unless it is very clear that both parties are happy with that contact. Acting with confidence is simply pressuring the other party into agreeing.
- harshreality 13y ago
  > Please, no. Not everyone wants to hug you, not everyone wants to kiss you, not everyone wants to have sex with you. Default to no physical contact unless it is very clear that both parties are happy with that contact. Acting with confidence is simply pressuring the other party into agreeing. You're okay with handshakes? That's physical contact. It's not about what you or some other introvert wants to do. It's a question of social norms. You either conform, or you'll be considered to be antisocial. You should really try to understand the difference between a hug/cheek-kiss and sex. Where in this thread has anyone suggested that sex between strangers meeting for the first time, business associates, coworkers or even friends is a social norm?
  - claudius 13y ago
    Firstly, the social norms in my circles are not to hug/kiss. Secondly, isn’t one of the main points of the feminist movement to abolish ‘rape culture’ where it is the social norm to pressure people into intercourse against their will? So even if hugging/kissing was a social norm, that hardly says anything about its acceptability. Thirdly, I don’t see much of a qualitative (rather than quantitative, in some sense) difference between hugging/kissing and sex – both are forms of intimate physical contact with a strong emotional component, as opposed to handshakes, which usually lack these emotions and require much less contact. Fourthly, I don’t really mind being perceived as anti-social by those stubborn enough to force their superfluous, unhelpful and intruding habits onto others. Interesting people usually don’t do that.
- seanp2k2 13y ago
  >"Not everyone wants to hug you, not everyone wants to kiss you, not everyone wants to have sex with you." Seems like a bit much extrapolation from a limited data set there. I hug any gender if they make the first attempt, because I'm totally fine with it but won't initiate more than a handshake unless it's really obvious that a hug is in order. It also depends on context.

by karmel 13y ago

claudius 13y ago

> Act with confidence, and any potential awkwardness washes away... Please, no. Not everyone wants to hug you, not everyone wants to kiss you, not everyone wants to have sex with you. Default to no physical contact unless it is very clear that both parties are happy with that contact. Acting with confidence is simply pressuring the other party into agreeing.

harshreality 13y ago
> Please, no. Not everyone wants to hug you, not everyone wants to kiss you, not everyone wants to have sex with you. Default to no physical contact unless it is very clear that both parties are happy with that contact. Acting with confidence is simply pressuring the other party into agreeing. You're okay with handshakes? That's physical contact. It's not about what you or some other introvert wants to do. It's a question of social norms. You either conform, or you'll be considered to be antisocial. You should really try to understand the difference between a hug/cheek-kiss and sex. Where in this thread has anyone suggested that sex between strangers meeting for the first time, business associates, coworkers or even friends is a social norm?
- claudius 13y ago
  Firstly, the social norms in my circles are not to hug/kiss. Secondly, isn’t one of the main points of the feminist movement to abolish ‘rape culture’ where it is the social norm to pressure people into intercourse against their will? So even if hugging/kissing was a social norm, that hardly says anything about its acceptability. Thirdly, I don’t see much of a qualitative (rather than quantitative, in some sense) difference between hugging/kissing and sex – both are forms of intimate physical contact with a strong emotional component, as opposed to handshakes, which usually lack these emotions and require much less contact. Fourthly, I don’t really mind being perceived as anti-social by those stubborn enough to force their superfluous, unhelpful and intruding habits onto others. Interesting people usually don’t do that.
seanp2k2 13y ago
>"Not everyone wants to hug you, not everyone wants to kiss you, not everyone wants to have sex with you." Seems like a bit much extrapolation from a limited data set there. I hug any gender if they make the first attempt, because I'm totally fine with it but won't initiate more than a handshake unless it's really obvious that a hug is in order. It also depends on context.