15 ms·

I Don't Want Your Fucking App

560 points by rustc 13y ago

ad80 13y ago
http://www.stereomood.com/mood/relax http://www.stereomood.com/mood/relax
- capitalisthakr 13y ago
  Ironically, this site suggests downloading their app when viewing it from an iPhone. :)
leephillips 13y ago
It takes a certain special skill to use high-frequency profanity and make it funny. I doubt I possess it, and now I know that these guys definitely do not.
- mistermann 13y ago
  > Rightmove? Wrong move you fucking muppets! That one got a chuckle out of me.
- edent 13y ago
  The fucking point is that it's fucking annoying when dealing with repetitious annoyances. I wrote it because I'm fucking annoyed and if, perchance, I've annoyed you - then my fucking work is done. You ossified wank rag. :-) [Obligatory smiley face so you don't think I actually hate you. I do, obviously, but the emoticon might sooth your fucking soul.]
  - glass_of_water 13y ago
    I'm not sure what you were trying to accomplish, but you simply left me confused.
    - edent 13y ago
      Then my work here is done.
      - majkinetor 13y ago
        Moar
  - leephillips 13y ago
    Point taken - and I agree with your frustration, etc. All satirists and devoted ranters must remember the chief hazard of their occupation, however, which is becoming that which they parody, or rail against.
- brudgers 13y ago
  The profanity is expressing the author's frustration and driving home the ubiquity of app pushing. It's not supposed to be funny. The repetition is made more striking by the formulaic use of "fucking" and its dispersion. "I fucking don't fucking want your fucking app," would be gratuitous, but wouldn't work as well. What makes the article weaker is that the author goes off topic and criticizes the institutions over unrelated matters - "Daily Fail" wallows in lameness.
  - rdale 13y ago
    Thank you for explaining the jokes to us.
    - shocks 13y ago
      You're one of the luck few of us that actually understand the joke. There is a very large portion of people in this thread that do not understand the swearing and are simply 'offended' by fuck all and are throwing their toys out of the pram because of a few fucking words. Simply put, in this instance it is acceptable to explain the joke because a large percentage of people are pathetic fuckwads.
      - rdale 13y ago
        You don't need to be an native english speaker to understand what the site is about - it is mostly pictures. We don't need some 'pompous twat' (as we say in the UK) explaining blindly obvious stuff in pretentious language. And defending the Daily Mail newspaper to top it all (they are a poisonous bunch of scumbags in case any non-UK people don't know it). I think the idea was to start a conversation. A conversation about why so many companies are thrusting these stupid apps on you. The idea was most certainly not to start a conversation about swearing, which is what 90% of the comments seem to be about.
  - ErrantX 13y ago
    The Daily Fail I found one of the best :) They probably found out that the web is a European Socialist invention. got a laugh from me.
- PnuklOEvolu 13y ago
  Can't you tell the difference between attempted humor and frothing-at-the-mouth frustration? I for one FUCKING agree with this guy.
  - leephillips 13y ago
    "Can't you tell the difference" Apparently not.
- alexfarran 13y ago
  Just read it in the voice of Hugh Grant.
- drhodes 13y ago
  Steve Martin has that skill: Planes, Trains and Automobiles, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nWRxPDhd3d0 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nWRxPDhd3d0
- batbomb 13y ago
  Reminds me of this Onion piece on the new Sony fucking piece of shit: http://www.theonion.com/video/sony-releases-new-stupid-piece-of-shit-that-doesnt,14309/ http://www.theonion.com/video/sony-releases-new-stupid-piece...
  - thepumpkin1979 13y ago
    hahaha this video made my day. it's incredible funny. I can't wait for the next smartphone with a 96 cores APU haha.
shurcooL 13y ago
I agree. In most cases, mobile apps are just fancy website bookmarks with a few more advanced abilities (native code, more hardware access, permanent local storage)... Except you have to download the app, organize it within all your other apps, download updates, delete it when you no longer use it, make sure its settings are in order, etc. Imagine you had to download an app on your desktop computer before you were able to visit any website for the first time. How crazy are these people? Why do so few companies put user experience first.
- dredmorbius 13y ago
  Except that they also break bookmarks, deep linking, and the ability to share content other than how the app itself dictates. Most "shares" are _still_ links copied in emails if I'm remembering apocrypha correctly.
  - charleslmunger 13y ago
    A properly written android app avoids most of these issues, most notably deep linking.
    - dredmorbius 13y ago
      A website guarantees the features noted. Few apps are properly written, and all require me to look extensively at permissions.
Ilmesnkie_Jones 13y ago
That Tumblr would be so much better without the useless and unfunny commentary.
GhotiFish 13y ago
Thanks to James Fucking Whatley for the tip. That guys got a great middle name.
- Samuel_Michon 13y ago
  He probably abbreviates it most of the time, like John F. Kennedy.
  - whatleydude 13y ago
    It's true, I do.
gearoidoc 13y ago
Since you're over-fond of profanity I'll say this in a language you understand: Relax. For fuck's sake.
- PavlovsCat 13y ago
  Since you seem to be overly fond of coming across as highly sophisticated, I will have you know that you said it in language the OP understands, not in a language, good sir. Furthermore, I disagree with you in substance, and although I don't feel motivated at this point in time to write an essay on the matter, I do sincerely hope this quote from the movie "Network" might suffice: We know the air is unfit to breathe and our food is unfit to eat, and we sit watching our TV's while some local newscaster tells us that today we had fifteen homicides and sixty-three violent crimes, as if that's the way it's supposed to be. We know things are bad - worse than bad. They're crazy. It's like everything everywhere is going crazy, so we don't go out anymore. We sit in the house, and slowly the world we are living in is getting smaller, and all we say is, 'Please, at least leave us alone in our living rooms. Let me have my toaster and my TV and my steel-belted radials and I won't say anything. Just leave us alone.' Well, I'm not gonna leave you alone. I want you to get mad! I don't want you to protest. I don't want you to riot - I don't want you to write to your congressman because I wouldn't know what to tell you to write. I don't know what to do about the depression and the inflation and the Russians and the crime in the street. All I know is that first you've got to get mad. You've got to say, 'I'm a HUMAN BEING, God damn it! My life has VALUE!' So I want you to get up now. I want all of you to get up out of your chairs. I want you to get up right now and go to the window. Open it, and stick your head out, and yell, 'I'M AS MAD AS HELL, AND I'M NOT GOING TO TAKE THIS ANYMORE!' I want you to get up right now, sit up, go to your windows, open them and stick your head out and yell - 'I'm as mad as hell and I'm not going to take this anymore!' Things have got to change. But first, you've gotta get mad!... You've got to say, 'I'm as mad as hell, and I'm not going to take this anymore!' Then we'll figure out what to do about the depression and the inflation and the oil crisis. But first get up out of your chairs, open the window, stick your head out, and yell, and say it: "I'M AS MAD AS HELL, AND I'M NOT GOING TO TAKE THIS ANYMORE!"
  - PavlovsCat 13y ago
robinduckett 13y ago
I find it funny that Tumblr immediately asked if I wanted to open the page in Tumblr for iPhone
sjltaylor 13y ago
potty mouth.
- shocks 13y ago
  The author is trying to convey a point that is clearly way above your head. Stop being 'offended' by stuff that doesn't fucking matter.
300bps 13y ago
The crux of the site is that the mobile web experience is getting worse, not better. I agree with that. With today's smartphones, one of the easiest and user-friendly things many sites can do is just direct users to their full web page. A properly done mobile-optimized website can improve on that experience but often "optimization" means a banner at the top that tells you the name of the site in 15% of the small screen and a banner ad at the bottom of the site that takes up 30% of the small screen. These calls to install apps are just as annoying. Several years ago I remember going to LinkedIn.com on my iPhone, it prompted me to install their app, I installed it. I must've agreed to something I didn't intend to because suddenly my contacts list was filled up with all 350 connections I had on LinkedIn, rendering my phone contact list all but useless.
jkldotio 13y ago
I really loathe these app popups, unless you are doing some serious processing like a for a game there is almost no reason for an app. It breaks the power of a browser to have multiple documents and it breaks urls and linking to content. And, as they point out, it also is highly redundant when a mobile site has already been built. That's to say nothing of further redundancy in having more than one app: one for iOS, one for Android and maybe one for Windows mobile. That's potentially four different expensive mobile development processes for an entirely inferior experience and causing significant annoyance.
- Achshar 13y ago
  The apps themselves are usually not "inferior experience". They can be snappier and better offline performance. That's not to say I disagree with all of the other things you said.
  - marknutter 13y ago
    The vast majority of these apps are brochureware that wouldn't function properly without an internet connection.
  - nmcfarl 13y ago
    My experience is counter to this - most apps created from websites are inferior experiences. Most common reoccurring problem I find is that all links off-site, are displayed in a webframe. Which doesn't give me access to the normal things that Safari does - I can't email the page, add it to my reading list, or bookmark it, so inevitably I always open it in safari. I'd've rather stayed there in the first place... But this is not the only sin, just the one that leaps to mind.
- brudgers 13y ago
  There is a damn good reason for all these apps - tracking and monetizing datapoints. The app itself does not necessarily have to provide any value to the datapoint. Egocentrism inclines me to think that apps were written for me. Reason leads me to believe they were not.
michaelfeathers 13y ago
The worst case of this I've seen recently as an offer of free wifi at an airport after you.. <wait for it>.. download their app which gives you push notifications about hotels.
- kaolinite 13y ago
  From my experience they are unable to track the install of the app, so they give you access to the WiFi as soon as you navigate to the app store page.
  - michaelfeathers 13y ago
    Yes, I noticed that too. They used some strange wording about when you were supposed to be able to access wifi that led me to believe that they were bluffing.
- tqi 13y ago
  I agree that is annoying, but access to their wifi network is not an inalienable right, nor is it free for them to maintain. I don't see the problem with them trying to make money off of it via an app + ads... plus you always have the option of not using it?
  - michaelfeathers 13y ago
    They definitely have a right to do it, but there are less offensive ways of making money.
emhart 13y ago
Site prompted me to install an app: http://t.co/CfOxUiLobq http://t.co/CfOxUiLobq
- Samuel_Michon 13y ago
  That’s humorous, but it’s not a modal message, so it doesn’t actually get in the way.
  - emhart 13y ago
    Yeah, it just made me chuckle :)
cpursley 13y ago
Get over yourself. I like the option to select the mobile version or web version. Non-sophisticated users might be looking for the mobile site but do not know how to get to it. I think the best UX pattering is: A: View the mobile optimized site B: Download the mobile app (if applicable) C: No thanks, continue and remember my choice
- arihant 13y ago
  The only time I would want that pattern is if that app is present on my phone and that option B takes me straight to the content I was about to look at!
- voyou 13y ago
  No, the best UX is to show you the fucking website. It may well make sense to include links to a mobile app and to the desktop version, but those links are clearly of less interest to the user than the website they want to look at, so they should not interrupt the user before the website itself is displayed.
- betterunix 13y ago
  "Non-sophisticated users might be looking for the mobile site but do not know how to get to it." So ask if they want the mobile version of the site. I am not seeing where an app actually comes into play here.
Wintamute 13y ago
How about we drop the prudishness, and discuss the points raised by the article? Seriously, what's with all the language moralising? This guys is totally free to make his points colourfully and passionately however he wants to. If it upsets you so much (it really shouldn't) then don't read it. His word choices are not hate speech or discriminatory so the fact that they may offend your sensibilities has precisely zero relevance to anything.
- edent 13y ago
  (I'm the creator of the site) I've noticed - and I may be wrong - that all the folk in the UK are unfazed by the swearing and have reacted quite positively either in person or on Twitter. The Americans, by contrast, seem a lot more upset about the swearing. I wonder why that is? Either way, I do wonder if some sections of the tech community are to... corporate in their approach to language. Look at the fuss when Linus went on a rant about Nvidia. That's how people speak in real life when they are angry or passionate. We shouldn't lose that simply because of a perceived lack of professionalism. The swearing, in my tumblr's case, is designed to be repetitious to the point of banality. It is, if you like, an exercise in over-reaction.
  - misnome 13y ago
    > The swearing, in my tumblr's case, is designed to be repetitious to the point of banality. It is, if you like, an exercise in over-reaction. This is exactly how I interpreted it's meaning. So, another UK data point...
    - ams6110 13y ago
      An American data point: I don't normally like to see profanity used, particularly in what is supposed to be persuasive writing, but in this case I agree with you... it was clearly and deliberately over the top and for some reason it works here.
  - rickdale 13y ago
    Well as an American sick of the #doorslams, I say, Fuck Yeah Man, hopefully this makes a difference. Usually I don't even like a mobile site and have to spend a minute scrolling all the way to the bottom of the page (after clicking I am not interested in downloading the app) and click take me to regular site. Then I have to wait for the regular site to load. All around, companies are just skeeting their brand everywhere and dont know how to keep up. Everyone just seems to ride every band wagon possible in hope that one of them pays off rather than setting a path for themselves and creating an identity by sticking to that path. I mean seriously do companies need a flickr, facebook, twitter, instagram a mobile site, a mobile app, a regular site etc.? How about going for one, succeeding there and the building from there. Seems like these companies have no vision for the future in tech and are just throwing money on every bet thinking one will hit.
return0 13y ago
Angry titles attract the most clicks, i read that somewhere yesterday. This has now been proved. I would like to make it an eponymous law now.
arcosdev 13y ago
Wha? But we spent all this money on our glorified webview wrapper!
incision 13y ago
I have at least one anecdotal perspective on app proliferation. Currently, I'm struggling with higher-ups who have decided that we must have apps. They don't know what these apps will do or who will use them, simply that we have to start pushing out apps because, well - others have apps. Therefore, we must have apps too. They don't seem to care that the apps they envy have dismal reviews and download stats, that we lack a mobile website entirely or recognize that spending a few hundred thousand on an "enterprise" framework does not equate to instant apps.
- tomjen3 13y ago
  This is exactly how I imagine most big companies operate, and why I am not afraid of any of them. Anyway to you: update the CSS to work with a mobile site, wrap the thing in javascript that fetches the HTML of the target of the webserver and put it in a full iframe. Wrap that in PhoneGap and be a hero.
- dredmorbius 13y ago
  And that's why this infection is a meme. It's management-fad-of-the-week driven.
apunic 13y ago
I am very surprised that so many people are not complaining about Mobile Safari's missing automatic word wrap feature. This is the number one reason why people want to use apps for anything (because their mobile browser is just broken). With word wrap like you get on Android's browsers most traditional desktop websites are totally sufficient on mobile devices, there's even no need for a mobile web version (HN is the best example). Some could think that Apple is indirectly pushing an app ecosystem with its broken mobile browser experience and I am just seeing excited folks traveling to some worldwide dev conferences and building shitty apps for every and anything. For end users there isn't often any additional benefit and for developers building a native app is a nightmare -- software development like 20 years ago, long release cycles, different platforms and on top one gatekeeper deciding about your fate, wtf and no thanks. No surprise that most mobile first and only startups are struggling like living crap. Web based apps are still the way to go for most use cases, just check the awesome mobile versions of Airbnb and LinkedIn, both based on Node, fast and ultra responsive. Building native apps belongs to the traditional publisher business model and are good for games and interaction heavy use cases (Facebook, communication, photo sharing, etc.). EDIT: downvoting != disagreeing
- revelation 13y ago
  People are also not complaining about Apples implementation of Retina, whereas they just double pixels, instead of properly interpolating. They then go around and complain your website looks crap on Retina.
- john_w_t_b 13y ago
  I read dozens of sites on mobile Safari that have wrapped text. There must be a solution. Example http://m.sfgate.com/sfchron/index.htm http://m.sfgate.com/sfchron/index.htm
  - blub 13y ago
    That's not wrapped text, it's a mobile layout. Also if the layout is fluid it's wrapped quite nicely by mobile Safari. What I assume Android browsers have is something like Opera mobile, which force-wraps all text no matter how the site is coded.
ruswick 13y ago
Certainly, this "door-slamming" practice is detrimental and is a UX decision that needs to be confronted, but this sort of incoherent diatribe doesn't contribute to the discussion.
deleted 13y ago
[deleted]
fixxer 13y ago
Quora. (n). Definition: A site I used to visit.
- kps 13y ago
  2. (adj) Equally bad on a real computer. “It's not just the fucking app, that site's quora.”
- rjwebb 13y ago
  I like the content on there, I really do. But why the hell do you have to sign up just to read it?
  - fixxer 13y ago
    I agree. I can't imagine it is working out for them.
- aendruk 13y ago
  I've chosen to extend[1] that definition to: Quora. (n). A site that used to appear in my search results. [1]: https://chrome.google.com/webstore/detail/personal-blocklist-by-google/nolijncfnkgaikbjbdaogikpmpbdcdef https://chrome.google.com/webstore/detail/personal-blocklist...
  - abrkn 13y ago
    Nice! My first entry will be w3schools
hawkharris 13y ago
Think of four-letter words as exclamation marks: you can use them on occasion when you want to drive a point home, but they appear less punchy! and less funny! with every! successive! use!!!
- tomcorrigan 13y ago
  Not! Fucking! Always!
millerm 13y ago
I am with you, and I don't mind the harshness of the title. It explains exactly how I feel. This "download our app" trend has abolutely been ruining my browsing experience on my phone and tablets. I've used other browsers that allow user agent hacks, but there are just too many other factors that we developers can use to determine the hardware the user is using. Perhaps we need a way to create a new blacklist of annoying sites and a way to notify the user of it so they can just avoid it. The other annoying sites are the type that use that horrible 'mobile experience' JavaScript/CSS hack that is just awful, I don't know what it's called because I haven't looked for it but as soon as you hit the page it redirects a loads some giant framework to mock a native app. The browsers we have on the devices are just fine for sites, they were built that way! Leave it alone!
- tomjen3 13y ago
  Onswipe. Yeah that is another company that has decided to make world a worse place. What I can't understand in how they got so many content owners to ruin their websites by using their crap.
  - steveax 13y ago
    Indeed, I hate, hate onswipe "enhanced" sites. Bad enough you have to wait for the redirect and then all the assets to load (they are always slow) but then there are even more annoyances. There is no way to retain a preference for the regular site (at least not without allowing 3rd party cookies) and then they spawn a new window when you choose to view the desktop site! I've stopped visiting sites that use onswipe. The pain is just not worth the content.
    - robocat 13y ago
      From: http://www.onswipe.com/demo http://www.onswipe.com/demo "This site is a dish best served on an iPad" "The content you’re trying to view has been optimized for viewing on the iPad, unfortunately there’s no desktop alternative available right now." #doorslam on Android or Win8 tablet
peteretep 13y ago
I don't want your fucking "mobile-friendly" site either, doubly so if it can't fucking handle the redirect process to a specific piece of content, or keeps fucking reverting.
Nursie 13y ago
So much this. When I come to your site it is very unlikely I'm looking for any sort of long term relationship. What I want is access to the information I'm looking for as quickly and painlessly as possible. Secondly, your app probably wants various permissions on my system. No. Third, why the hell would I want hundreds of apps grunking up my menus? Fourth, you already have my whole screen, what more do you want? So yeah, you make my experience of your site worse and probably even reduce your already small opportunity to advertise to me.
- reinhardt 13y ago
  I agree with all points. What I'm wondering is, what percentage of mobile users are like me, you and almost everyone that commented here? Does the proverbial "average user" share the sentiment? My guess is no, or else the marketroids that push the app agenda would have gotten the message by now.
  - bennyg 13y ago
    Until they look at bounce rate before viewing content vs. number of downloads of app. That should be a big indicator of whether this works or not.
    - mertd 13y ago
      Which is a weak signal at best when you define actions like "Cancel to continue" (http://idontwantyourfuckingapp.tumblr.com/post/50193815132/the-daily-fucking-mails-doorslam-not-content http://idontwantyourfuckingapp.tumblr.com/post/50193815132/t...).
  - Joeri 13y ago
    The mobile market has been exploding. Even if you did a lot of stuff wrong it's almost impossible to not have had a growth curve. My feeling is that most content-driven apps would have been more successful as mobile sites, but that it's impossible to derive this from statistics due to the unstable pattern of the market as a whole.
anonymfus 13y ago
Worst thing is when they detect my browser as mobile and show links to apps, but don't actually have app for my platform.
orangethirty 13y ago
Google Fucking Plus. The only social network more fucking useless than MySpace Well, he does make a good point here.
mark_l_watson 13y ago
Wow that resonated with me. So tired of the push to install apps. Last night I watched for the first time "The Gilmore Gang" podcast and was surprised to hear all but one pundit talk about the future being apps + Internet, and not the web. I don't want to see that. There is so much content, including interactive web apps, that fit well with HTML5.
crimsonzagar 13y ago
Well seems like the discussion has moved away from the central thought of the post; let me try and add some of my life into the thread. Here is how I live today: Web is good for me. Porn is good for me. Anonymity is good for me. Given that I have an iPad, Galaxy Note 2 and a Chinese tablet with Android on it, the total installed 'app count' of my toys is zero. Zilch. I have said it a numerous times before, and I'd proudly say it again ... I hate all the native apps on the planet. Keep all that great, smooth and butter-y experience up your garden's ass.
- solnyshok 13y ago
  how do you get around without native skype and gmaps?
runn1ng 13y ago
Maybe it's a "feature" of the tumblr skin, but it took me a few minutes to realize the small and almost invisible arrow to the right at the bottom leads to another page. Make it bigger, if you can.
- edent 13y ago
  Have done so. Thanks.
JcMalta 13y ago
Fucking Brilliant. You should make an app to display this list.
wes-exp 13y ago
FYI to developers: Apple tried to fix the obtrusiveness of these popups with "smart app banners" in iOS 6: http://www.macgasm.net/2012/09/19/ios-6-smart-app-banners/ http://www.macgasm.net/2012/09/19/ios-6-smart-app-banners/ Please use them!
- oneeyedpigeon 13y ago
  Argh - that site uses onswipe! :-(
- ryanmerket 13y ago
  There's an upside to using them too: You can send tracking data back to your app through the Apple App Store 'black box' allowing you to track where your users come from. Use the 'app-argument' meta tag variable and put your tracking info within the URL.
- qu4z-2 13y ago
  While that's neat, I feel like the kind of developer who makes a fullscreen pop-up ad for their app every time you visit the site simply doesn't care enough to do this thing. Unrelatedly, I feel like I saw a presentation about security flaws with these a little while back? (Not a danger to people using them on their site, but rather they could be used to sniff various information about the user's device)
pullo 13y ago
Reading through the comments I am glad I am not the only one who finds over the top profanity upsetting. Yes , the author is free to make his/her point any way they want to. and No, not everyone who thinks that this profanity is undue is a prude. and I dont think it is fair to make a culture or age characterization based on a user's response. Extreme or sometimes, any profanity changes the tone of the article. that alone is a good reason to avoid over the top proclamations. IMO the author comes across as loud and noisy , and not strong and forceful. Just like a stand up comedian, who says 'fuck' for every joke. As to the point in discussion: yes, it can be extremely annoying at times when companies prompt you to download their app. they have good reasons to do it too. a) you spend good money to build an app, you want to drive users to the app instead of the site b) many times , the app can be more functional than the site c) one of the harder things for companies to do , is to retain user engagement. ex, if you have a firm that delivers stock quotes for users, you want to modify the users behavior to use your firm instead of a yahoo finance, or google. by making the user commit to download your app , in a way you get the users commitment to use your service. d) you get a piece of users mental space , when you get their phone's screen space. I personally think, having a small, disappearing toolbar to remind the user an app is available is the best way to go. Since every business with a website, also trying to get a mobile presence, a dual strategy of mobile web and app, seems to be the norm. p.s I usually upvote the stories that I find interesting enough to comment. I choose not to do it this time. edit:p.s
- wnight 13y ago
  Considering you're brushing off everything he said and trotting out tired justifications nobody asked for maybe you're just using any excuse - the profanity will do - to justify ignoring him. Besides, those good reasons aren't. a) You spent good money, but did you make it a good experience for the user? b) But usually the app is trash compared to a web browser, and offers a far worse experience. c) Retaining user engagement is hard when you pop up unrelated nag screens instead of making the user's task easier on your site than your competitors'. d) I want a website, you want to implant a brain worm. This is exactly why I would agree with the poster. Tons of entitled nonsense justifying making your users' experience worse - for them. What sites are you affiliated with?
DominikR 13y ago
Everyone should try to have a good user experience, but it is not always the best business decision to dogmatically follow some usability guidelines.
cognivore 13y ago
This gives me an idea. Wouldn't it be cool if had some sort of run-time environment/virtual machine that everyone could target for their applications, where it used some sort of markup for forms and layout and a built in language for automation. It could post back to your server to send and receive data. Everyone could use that instead of their own native app that has to be downloaded. I'm sure there would be some challenges to this, but I imagine it could be done.
- dredmorbius 13y ago
  Nobody but physicists would ever use anything like that.
rschmitty 13y ago
What is worse (if you can believe that is possible) are mobile apps (yes I downloaded your fucking app) that then nag you to download their iPad app while I'm on the fucking iPhone See http://imgur.com/yRLTOsd http://imgur.com/yRLTOsd and Go Pens :)
bergie 13y ago
I fully agree with the basic point. Forcing these "download our app" doorslams is annoying and mostly pointless. I would never download an app for most of the sites I use, preferring the linkable, cross-platform web experience instead. This is particularly annoying for me because I actually use an Android tablet as my "programming workstation", and so I get these popups on both my desktop service and when mobile. Of course the irony us that tumblr where this site is hosted has such a pop-up as well... http://imgur.com/uPMetSR http://imgur.com/uPMetSR
zapf 13y ago
Love your man's way of putting the point across. Never seen the point being made so fucking clearly. ;)
ancarda 13y ago
On a positive note, almost all of these offer to say "no" to the app.
- dredmorbius 13y ago
  Which is forgotten when you reset cookies. So you'll get the nag. Again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again.
flatline 13y ago
I see two primary problems with this. First is the #doorslam, as the article mentions, which is really just bad user interface. Plus who wants to get an app for a one-off reading of some article on some site? But I also see companies release an app that appears to have some useful features - it looks better on the mobile device, it has better navigation on a mobile device, etc. Why they chose to do it as an app vs. in-browser is another question but whatever, apps are hot so companies think they need/want one, and in my experience people are often happy to have them. But it turns out that websites are really freaking easy to update, and apps are not. And now you have two completely disparate codebases to maintain. So once something rolls out on the web property, the shiny new app is not so shiny and new, and may be missing critical features. Some companies do this well, Facebook for example finally has an app that more usable than the mobile site IMO. But Facebook has serious resources to dedicate to this type of thing, and it took years for them to get to the point they are at now, their app was barely usable for a long time. Case in point: I've been using Piazza for a number of classes over the last few years. They have an iOS app, and a lot of people in my classes have expressed that they are glad of this and use it exclusively. But it hasn't been updated for the iPhone 5 so the app display is cropped. Worse yet, there is now a course documents section that some teachers use almost exclusively, that you simply can't get to on the app. And the web page itself does not work terribly well on mobile Safari. So I hardly ever use it on my phone, and my overall impression of Piazza has seriously declined because I've spent so much time cursing the (lack of) usability on my phone. Plus you get the #doorslam every time you try to go to the web site on an iOS device.
Nux 13y ago
ZOMG! Nice blog entry! Lots of steam released. :D And now the question: why do people build apps and shove it down other people's throat? Most of what they do can be done via a ("mobile") web site. Hell! Most of them are useless without internet connectivity anyway! So why not make a great web site and just let people bookmark it?!
- tomjen3 13y ago
  Cause menagement is stupid (as always) and wants an app because all the other children^h^h^h^h^h^h^h^h/companies have one.
RyanMcGreal 13y ago
Delicious irony: http://i.imgur.com/1NS9s7L.png http://i.imgur.com/1NS9s7L.png
- artursapek 13y ago
  Out of his control I think.
  - bambax 13y ago
    Yes and no. He could use a blogging platform that doesn't do what he's complaining about ;-)
- ako 13y ago
  Something he already mentioned on his tumblr site.
- jacobolus 13y ago
  Note: http://idontwantyourfuckingapp.tumblr.com/post/49271273272/this-very-page-on-a-mobile-device-its-not-a-door http://idontwantyourfuckingapp.tumblr.com/post/49271273272/t...
- loudandskittish 13y ago
  This one, along with other blog hosts, bug me the most. I'm toying around with various blogging sites, looking to get back into the practice seriously and when I go to see how a theme looks on mobile and get the "INSTALL OUR APP!!!" pop-up, it's a great reminder that it's not MY blog.
majkinetor 13y ago
Apps like that are really idiotic as concept. Why the fuck do we have mobile view ffs? Can't you do your mobile version of the site looking the same as your idiotic app ? Why do I need to have 77 entrances to the same thing?
notyourpal 13y ago
I feel this way about random advertisements I see on sites (mainly intrusive ones- well don't we all) . especially on the Forbes website. forbes can have interesting information (mixed with too much opinion maybe) but the writing is good...shitty site though because of ads and millions of click throughs to read an article .
- linker3000 13y ago
  As someone actively looking for a new job, I am getting severely frustrated by the number of corporate Web sites that now have an 'apply online' function that requires me to deconstruct my carefully-crafted CV into pieces that fit the un-formattable boxes on the web form. It took me over an hour to complete an application today. I suppose it gauges the candidates' genuine interest in the job though. On a side note - darn fine IT Manager looking for a new home on the UK South coast - I'll email a CV - just don't point me towards a web form!
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gnu8 13y ago
Many HN readers are guilty of contributing to this problem. Instead of complaining about the site having a naughty word in the name, you should be quiet and rethink what you've done.
shocks 13y ago
And as usual, any HN post that contains profanity is immediately overrun by 'offended' fuckheads that simply don't understand the joke and are offended by fuck all. Stephen Fry says it best: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s_osQvkeNRM https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s_osQvkeNRM
lucian303 13y ago
That goes for any modal, anywhere in the app (mobile or not) unless it's absolutely necessary. Subscribe to your newsletter? Fuck you. Ads? Double fuck you. Pointless promotional modals. Triple fuck you. A dialog box should be modal only when it cannot be otherwise. Even then, if I can't click/tap out of it and I have to hit your stupid little 'X' that's somewhere on some layer of the god-awful shit you just wasted money developing so you can throw it in my face (especially on paid sites, aka banks) do yourself a favor and terminate whomever is working on your app. Likely that would be thyself.
tbatchelli 13y ago
I feel the same way about onswipe. At a time where mobile devices have ultra-high screen resolutions and very fancy zooming features, I find the use (shoving into our eyes) of onswipe by many websites to be disruptive and annoying. I usually don't bother the moment I see the spinning wheel. Swipe right to left, paginated content, larger fonts (less content), hard to scan content... it breaks the whole internet experience. I know how to browse, I know how to read web pages, thank you, please give me my web page or gtfo. . .. Maybe wrong thread?
qingu 13y ago
Lots of people follow the newest trend. The same thing happened with the web in the early days. Everybody (person, company, entity) wanted a website. They didn't know why, who would use it and what for, but they said all their clients/customers/friends were asking for it. The same thing is happening now with mobile. As time progresses, people will get a better understanding of who uses mobile, when and for what and will adapt development of mobile apps accordingly.
downandout 13y ago
Hmm....perhaps there should be a "I don't want your fucking app" setting on Android and iPhone. This would make sure that an X-App-Fuck-Off header is sent with every browser request, informing the site not to prompt you about its fucking apps. That way everyone would have a choice.
abhatt 13y ago
And which one you hate the most? I vote for LinkedIn.. real piss off.
aneth4 13y ago
Google anything about Accor hotels, say what the benefits of Platinum are. You'll find you can't even access the content from mobile because the page is "not ready." Been like that for a year.
smegel 13y ago
They exist because they work - i can imagine lots of novice users clicking OK perhaps because they think its the only way to continue.
akadien 13y ago
Oh, hell yeah! I want a mobile-enabled web site on my iPad, not another useless app-wrapper proxy for a web site. Shouldn't the fact that I remember the URL be enough??
chriogenix 13y ago
for android on dolphin browser you can change the user agent and get around all of this but then the mobile version of the site doesnt load so thats kind of a hassle. i agree that a really good mobile site would work a lot better in most cases.
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vain 13y ago
Apps are the flash widgets of this era. Thank you Mr Jobs for making the internet proprietary again.
dredmorbius 13y ago
I hate to me to, but me too. I've found and am using Readability increasingly (both desktop and mobile) to get around just this and many, many, many more failures of both mobile and desktop Web experience. https://plus.google.com/104092656004159577193/posts/WDFFKRhr6gj https://plus.google.com/104092656004159577193/posts/WDFFKRhr...
sproketboy 13y ago
I DONT WANT YOUR FACKING SHITE BLOG EITHER.

560 points by rustc 13y ago

ad80 13y ago

http://www.stereomood.com/mood/relax http://www.stereomood.com/mood/relax

capitalisthakr 13y ago
Ironically, this site suggests downloading their app when viewing it from an iPhone. :)

leephillips 13y ago

It takes a certain special skill to use high-frequency profanity and make it funny. I doubt I possess it, and now I know that these guys definitely do not.

mistermann 13y ago
> Rightmove? Wrong move you fucking muppets! That one got a chuckle out of me.
edent 13y ago
The fucking point is that it's fucking annoying when dealing with repetitious annoyances. I wrote it because I'm fucking annoyed and if, perchance, I've annoyed you - then my fucking work is done. You ossified wank rag. :-) [Obligatory smiley face so you don't think I actually hate you. I do, obviously, but the emoticon might sooth your fucking soul.]
- glass_of_water 13y ago
  I'm not sure what you were trying to accomplish, but you simply left me confused.
  - edent 13y ago
    Then my work here is done.
    - majkinetor 13y ago
      Moar
- leephillips 13y ago
  Point taken - and I agree with your frustration, etc. All satirists and devoted ranters must remember the chief hazard of their occupation, however, which is becoming that which they parody, or rail against.
brudgers 13y ago
The profanity is expressing the author's frustration and driving home the ubiquity of app pushing. It's not supposed to be funny. The repetition is made more striking by the formulaic use of "fucking" and its dispersion. "I fucking don't fucking want your fucking app," would be gratuitous, but wouldn't work as well. What makes the article weaker is that the author goes off topic and criticizes the institutions over unrelated matters - "Daily Fail" wallows in lameness.
- rdale 13y ago
  Thank you for explaining the jokes to us.
  - shocks 13y ago
    You're one of the luck few of us that actually understand the joke. There is a very large portion of people in this thread that do not understand the swearing and are simply 'offended' by fuck all and are throwing their toys out of the pram because of a few fucking words. Simply put, in this instance it is acceptable to explain the joke because a large percentage of people are pathetic fuckwads.
    - rdale 13y ago
      You don't need to be an native english speaker to understand what the site is about - it is mostly pictures. We don't need some 'pompous twat' (as we say in the UK) explaining blindly obvious stuff in pretentious language. And defending the Daily Mail newspaper to top it all (they are a poisonous bunch of scumbags in case any non-UK people don't know it). I think the idea was to start a conversation. A conversation about why so many companies are thrusting these stupid apps on you. The idea was most certainly not to start a conversation about swearing, which is what 90% of the comments seem to be about.
- ErrantX 13y ago
  The Daily Fail I found one of the best :) They probably found out that the web is a European Socialist invention. got a laugh from me.
PnuklOEvolu 13y ago
Can't you tell the difference between attempted humor and frothing-at-the-mouth frustration? I for one FUCKING agree with this guy.
- leephillips 13y ago
  "Can't you tell the difference" Apparently not.
alexfarran 13y ago
Just read it in the voice of Hugh Grant.
drhodes 13y ago
Steve Martin has that skill: Planes, Trains and Automobiles, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nWRxPDhd3d0 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nWRxPDhd3d0
batbomb 13y ago
Reminds me of this Onion piece on the new Sony fucking piece of shit: http://www.theonion.com/video/sony-releases-new-stupid-piece-of-shit-that-doesnt,14309/ http://www.theonion.com/video/sony-releases-new-stupid-piece...
- thepumpkin1979 13y ago
  hahaha this video made my day. it's incredible funny. I can't wait for the next smartphone with a 96 cores APU haha.

shurcooL 13y ago

I agree. In most cases, mobile apps are just fancy website bookmarks with a few more advanced abilities (native code, more hardware access, permanent local storage)... Except you have to download the app, organize it within all your other apps, download updates, delete it when you no longer use it, make sure its settings are in order, etc. Imagine you had to download an app on your desktop computer before you were able to visit any website for the first time. How crazy are these people? Why do so few companies put user experience first.

dredmorbius 13y ago
Except that they also break bookmarks, deep linking, and the ability to share content other than how the app itself dictates. Most "shares" are _still_ links copied in emails if I'm remembering apocrypha correctly.
- charleslmunger 13y ago
  A properly written android app avoids most of these issues, most notably deep linking.
  - dredmorbius 13y ago
    A website guarantees the features noted. Few apps are properly written, and all require me to look extensively at permissions.

Ilmesnkie_Jones 13y ago

That Tumblr would be so much better without the useless and unfunny commentary.

GhotiFish 13y ago

Thanks to James Fucking Whatley for the tip. That guys got a great middle name.

Samuel_Michon 13y ago
He probably abbreviates it most of the time, like John F. Kennedy.
- whatleydude 13y ago
  It's true, I do.

gearoidoc 13y ago

Since you're over-fond of profanity I'll say this in a language you understand: Relax. For fuck's sake.

PavlovsCat 13y ago
Since you seem to be overly fond of coming across as highly sophisticated, I will have you know that you said it in language the OP understands, not in a language, good sir. Furthermore, I disagree with you in substance, and although I don't feel motivated at this point in time to write an essay on the matter, I do sincerely hope this quote from the movie "Network" might suffice: We know the air is unfit to breathe and our food is unfit to eat, and we sit watching our TV's while some local newscaster tells us that today we had fifteen homicides and sixty-three violent crimes, as if that's the way it's supposed to be. We know things are bad - worse than bad. They're crazy. It's like everything everywhere is going crazy, so we don't go out anymore. We sit in the house, and slowly the world we are living in is getting smaller, and all we say is, 'Please, at least leave us alone in our living rooms. Let me have my toaster and my TV and my steel-belted radials and I won't say anything. Just leave us alone.' Well, I'm not gonna leave you alone. I want you to get mad! I don't want you to protest. I don't want you to riot - I don't want you to write to your congressman because I wouldn't know what to tell you to write. I don't know what to do about the depression and the inflation and the Russians and the crime in the street. All I know is that first you've got to get mad. You've got to say, 'I'm a HUMAN BEING, God damn it! My life has VALUE!' So I want you to get up now. I want all of you to get up out of your chairs. I want you to get up right now and go to the window. Open it, and stick your head out, and yell, 'I'M AS MAD AS HELL, AND I'M NOT GOING TO TAKE THIS ANYMORE!' I want you to get up right now, sit up, go to your windows, open them and stick your head out and yell - 'I'm as mad as hell and I'm not going to take this anymore!' Things have got to change. But first, you've gotta get mad!... You've got to say, 'I'm as mad as hell, and I'm not going to take this anymore!' Then we'll figure out what to do about the depression and the inflation and the oil crisis. But first get up out of your chairs, open the window, stick your head out, and yell, and say it: "I'M AS MAD AS HELL, AND I'M NOT GOING TO TAKE THIS ANYMORE!"
- PavlovsCat 13y ago

robinduckett 13y ago

I find it funny that Tumblr immediately asked if I wanted to open the page in Tumblr for iPhone

sjltaylor 13y ago

potty mouth.

shocks 13y ago
The author is trying to convey a point that is clearly way above your head. Stop being 'offended' by stuff that doesn't fucking matter.

300bps 13y ago

The crux of the site is that the mobile web experience is getting worse, not better. I agree with that. With today's smartphones, one of the easiest and user-friendly things many sites can do is just direct users to their full web page. A properly done mobile-optimized website can improve on that experience but often "optimization" means a banner at the top that tells you the name of the site in 15% of the small screen and a banner ad at the bottom of the site that takes up 30% of the small screen. These calls to install apps are just as annoying. Several years ago I remember going to LinkedIn.com on my iPhone, it prompted me to install their app, I installed it. I must've agreed to something I didn't intend to because suddenly my contacts list was filled up with all 350 connections I had on LinkedIn, rendering my phone contact list all but useless.

jkldotio 13y ago

I really loathe these app popups, unless you are doing some serious processing like a for a game there is almost no reason for an app. It breaks the power of a browser to have multiple documents and it breaks urls and linking to content. And, as they point out, it also is highly redundant when a mobile site has already been built. That's to say nothing of further redundancy in having more than one app: one for iOS, one for Android and maybe one for Windows mobile. That's potentially four different expensive mobile development processes for an entirely inferior experience and causing significant annoyance.

Achshar 13y ago
The apps themselves are usually not "inferior experience". They can be snappier and better offline performance. That's not to say I disagree with all of the other things you said.
- marknutter 13y ago
  The vast majority of these apps are brochureware that wouldn't function properly without an internet connection.
- nmcfarl 13y ago
  My experience is counter to this - most apps created from websites are inferior experiences. Most common reoccurring problem I find is that all links off-site, are displayed in a webframe. Which doesn't give me access to the normal things that Safari does - I can't email the page, add it to my reading list, or bookmark it, so inevitably I always open it in safari. I'd've rather stayed there in the first place... But this is not the only sin, just the one that leaps to mind.
brudgers 13y ago
There is a damn good reason for all these apps - tracking and monetizing datapoints. The app itself does not necessarily have to provide any value to the datapoint. Egocentrism inclines me to think that apps were written for me. Reason leads me to believe they were not.

michaelfeathers 13y ago

The worst case of this I've seen recently as an offer of free wifi at an airport after you.. <wait for it>.. download their app which gives you push notifications about hotels.

kaolinite 13y ago
From my experience they are unable to track the install of the app, so they give you access to the WiFi as soon as you navigate to the app store page.
- michaelfeathers 13y ago
  Yes, I noticed that too. They used some strange wording about when you were supposed to be able to access wifi that led me to believe that they were bluffing.
tqi 13y ago
I agree that is annoying, but access to their wifi network is not an inalienable right, nor is it free for them to maintain. I don't see the problem with them trying to make money off of it via an app + ads... plus you always have the option of not using it?
- michaelfeathers 13y ago
  They definitely have a right to do it, but there are less offensive ways of making money.

emhart 13y ago

Site prompted me to install an app: http://t.co/CfOxUiLobq http://t.co/CfOxUiLobq

Samuel_Michon 13y ago
That’s humorous, but it’s not a modal message, so it doesn’t actually get in the way.
- emhart 13y ago
  Yeah, it just made me chuckle :)

cpursley 13y ago

Get over yourself. I like the option to select the mobile version or web version. Non-sophisticated users might be looking for the mobile site but do not know how to get to it. I think the best UX pattering is: A: View the mobile optimized site B: Download the mobile app (if applicable) C: No thanks, continue and remember my choice

arihant 13y ago
The only time I would want that pattern is if that app is present on my phone and that option B takes me straight to the content I was about to look at!
voyou 13y ago
No, the best UX is to show you the fucking website. It may well make sense to include links to a mobile app and to the desktop version, but those links are clearly of less interest to the user than the website they want to look at, so they should not interrupt the user before the website itself is displayed.
betterunix 13y ago
"Non-sophisticated users might be looking for the mobile site but do not know how to get to it." So ask if they want the mobile version of the site. I am not seeing where an app actually comes into play here.

Wintamute 13y ago

How about we drop the prudishness, and discuss the points raised by the article? Seriously, what's with all the language moralising? This guys is totally free to make his points colourfully and passionately however he wants to. If it upsets you so much (it really shouldn't) then don't read it. His word choices are not hate speech or discriminatory so the fact that they may offend your sensibilities has precisely zero relevance to anything.

edent 13y ago
(I'm the creator of the site) I've noticed - and I may be wrong - that all the folk in the UK are unfazed by the swearing and have reacted quite positively either in person or on Twitter. The Americans, by contrast, seem a lot more upset about the swearing. I wonder why that is? Either way, I do wonder if some sections of the tech community are to... corporate in their approach to language. Look at the fuss when Linus went on a rant about Nvidia. That's how people speak in real life when they are angry or passionate. We shouldn't lose that simply because of a perceived lack of professionalism. The swearing, in my tumblr's case, is designed to be repetitious to the point of banality. It is, if you like, an exercise in over-reaction.
- misnome 13y ago
  > The swearing, in my tumblr's case, is designed to be repetitious to the point of banality. It is, if you like, an exercise in over-reaction. This is exactly how I interpreted it's meaning. So, another UK data point...
  - ams6110 13y ago
    An American data point: I don't normally like to see profanity used, particularly in what is supposed to be persuasive writing, but in this case I agree with you... it was clearly and deliberately over the top and for some reason it works here.
- rickdale 13y ago
  Well as an American sick of the #doorslams, I say, Fuck Yeah Man, hopefully this makes a difference. Usually I don't even like a mobile site and have to spend a minute scrolling all the way to the bottom of the page (after clicking I am not interested in downloading the app) and click take me to regular site. Then I have to wait for the regular site to load. All around, companies are just skeeting their brand everywhere and dont know how to keep up. Everyone just seems to ride every band wagon possible in hope that one of them pays off rather than setting a path for themselves and creating an identity by sticking to that path. I mean seriously do companies need a flickr, facebook, twitter, instagram a mobile site, a mobile app, a regular site etc.? How about going for one, succeeding there and the building from there. Seems like these companies have no vision for the future in tech and are just throwing money on every bet thinking one will hit.

return0 13y ago

Angry titles attract the most clicks, i read that somewhere yesterday. This has now been proved. I would like to make it an eponymous law now.

arcosdev 13y ago

Wha? But we spent all this money on our glorified webview wrapper!

incision 13y ago

I have at least one anecdotal perspective on app proliferation. Currently, I'm struggling with higher-ups who have decided that we must have apps. They don't know what these apps will do or who will use them, simply that we have to start pushing out apps because, well - others have apps. Therefore, we must have apps too. They don't seem to care that the apps they envy have dismal reviews and download stats, that we lack a mobile website entirely or recognize that spending a few hundred thousand on an "enterprise" framework does not equate to instant apps.

tomjen3 13y ago
This is exactly how I imagine most big companies operate, and why I am not afraid of any of them. Anyway to you: update the CSS to work with a mobile site, wrap the thing in javascript that fetches the HTML of the target of the webserver and put it in a full iframe. Wrap that in PhoneGap and be a hero.
dredmorbius 13y ago
And that's why this infection is a meme. It's management-fad-of-the-week driven.

apunic 13y ago

I am very surprised that so many people are not complaining about Mobile Safari's missing automatic word wrap feature. This is the number one reason why people want to use apps for anything (because their mobile browser is just broken). With word wrap like you get on Android's browsers most traditional desktop websites are totally sufficient on mobile devices, there's even no need for a mobile web version (HN is the best example). Some could think that Apple is indirectly pushing an app ecosystem with its broken mobile browser experience and I am just seeing excited folks traveling to some worldwide dev conferences and building shitty apps for every and anything. For end users there isn't often any additional benefit and for developers building a native app is a nightmare -- software development like 20 years ago, long release cycles, different platforms and on top one gatekeeper deciding about your fate, wtf and no thanks. No surprise that most mobile first and only startups are struggling like living crap. Web based apps are still the way to go for most use cases, just check the awesome mobile versions of Airbnb and LinkedIn, both based on Node, fast and ultra responsive. Building native apps belongs to the traditional publisher business model and are good for games and interaction heavy use cases (Facebook, communication, photo sharing, etc.). EDIT: downvoting != disagreeing

revelation 13y ago
People are also not complaining about Apples implementation of Retina, whereas they just double pixels, instead of properly interpolating. They then go around and complain your website looks crap on Retina.
john_w_t_b 13y ago
I read dozens of sites on mobile Safari that have wrapped text. There must be a solution. Example http://m.sfgate.com/sfchron/index.htm http://m.sfgate.com/sfchron/index.htm
- blub 13y ago
  That's not wrapped text, it's a mobile layout. Also if the layout is fluid it's wrapped quite nicely by mobile Safari. What I assume Android browsers have is something like Opera mobile, which force-wraps all text no matter how the site is coded.

ruswick 13y ago

Certainly, this "door-slamming" practice is detrimental and is a UX decision that needs to be confronted, but this sort of incoherent diatribe doesn't contribute to the discussion.

deleted 13y ago

[deleted]

fixxer 13y ago

Quora. (n). Definition: A site I used to visit.

kps 13y ago
2. (adj) Equally bad on a real computer. “It's not just the fucking app, that site's quora.”
rjwebb 13y ago
I like the content on there, I really do. But why the hell do you have to sign up just to read it?
- fixxer 13y ago
  I agree. I can't imagine it is working out for them.
aendruk 13y ago
I've chosen to extend[1] that definition to: Quora. (n). A site that used to appear in my search results. [1]: https://chrome.google.com/webstore/detail/personal-blocklist-by-google/nolijncfnkgaikbjbdaogikpmpbdcdef https://chrome.google.com/webstore/detail/personal-blocklist...
- abrkn 13y ago
  Nice! My first entry will be w3schools

hawkharris 13y ago

Think of four-letter words as exclamation marks: you can use them on occasion when you want to drive a point home, but they appear less punchy! and less funny! with every! successive! use!!!

tomcorrigan 13y ago
Not! Fucking! Always!

millerm 13y ago

I am with you, and I don't mind the harshness of the title. It explains exactly how I feel. This "download our app" trend has abolutely been ruining my browsing experience on my phone and tablets. I've used other browsers that allow user agent hacks, but there are just too many other factors that we developers can use to determine the hardware the user is using. Perhaps we need a way to create a new blacklist of annoying sites and a way to notify the user of it so they can just avoid it. The other annoying sites are the type that use that horrible 'mobile experience' JavaScript/CSS hack that is just awful, I don't know what it's called because I haven't looked for it but as soon as you hit the page it redirects a loads some giant framework to mock a native app. The browsers we have on the devices are just fine for sites, they were built that way! Leave it alone!

tomjen3 13y ago
Onswipe. Yeah that is another company that has decided to make world a worse place. What I can't understand in how they got so many content owners to ruin their websites by using their crap.
- steveax 13y ago
  Indeed, I hate, hate onswipe "enhanced" sites. Bad enough you have to wait for the redirect and then all the assets to load (they are always slow) but then there are even more annoyances. There is no way to retain a preference for the regular site (at least not without allowing 3rd party cookies) and then they spawn a new window when you choose to view the desktop site! I've stopped visiting sites that use onswipe. The pain is just not worth the content.
  - robocat 13y ago
    From: http://www.onswipe.com/demo http://www.onswipe.com/demo "This site is a dish best served on an iPad" "The content you’re trying to view has been optimized for viewing on the iPad, unfortunately there’s no desktop alternative available right now." #doorslam on Android or Win8 tablet

peteretep 13y ago

I don't want your fucking "mobile-friendly" site either, doubly so if it can't fucking handle the redirect process to a specific piece of content, or keeps fucking reverting.

Nursie 13y ago

So much this. When I come to your site it is very unlikely I'm looking for any sort of long term relationship. What I want is access to the information I'm looking for as quickly and painlessly as possible. Secondly, your app probably wants various permissions on my system. No. Third, why the hell would I want hundreds of apps grunking up my menus? Fourth, you already have my whole screen, what more do you want? So yeah, you make my experience of your site worse and probably even reduce your already small opportunity to advertise to me.

reinhardt 13y ago
I agree with all points. What I'm wondering is, what percentage of mobile users are like me, you and almost everyone that commented here? Does the proverbial "average user" share the sentiment? My guess is no, or else the marketroids that push the app agenda would have gotten the message by now.
- bennyg 13y ago
  Until they look at bounce rate before viewing content vs. number of downloads of app. That should be a big indicator of whether this works or not.
  - mertd 13y ago
    Which is a weak signal at best when you define actions like "Cancel to continue" (http://idontwantyourfuckingapp.tumblr.com/post/50193815132/the-daily-fucking-mails-doorslam-not-content http://idontwantyourfuckingapp.tumblr.com/post/50193815132/t...).
- Joeri 13y ago
  The mobile market has been exploding. Even if you did a lot of stuff wrong it's almost impossible to not have had a growth curve. My feeling is that most content-driven apps would have been more successful as mobile sites, but that it's impossible to derive this from statistics due to the unstable pattern of the market as a whole.

anonymfus 13y ago

Worst thing is when they detect my browser as mobile and show links to apps, but don't actually have app for my platform.

orangethirty 13y ago

Google Fucking Plus. The only social network more fucking useless than MySpace Well, he does make a good point here.

mark_l_watson 13y ago

Wow that resonated with me. So tired of the push to install apps. Last night I watched for the first time "The Gilmore Gang" podcast and was surprised to hear all but one pundit talk about the future being apps + Internet, and not the web. I don't want to see that. There is so much content, including interactive web apps, that fit well with HTML5.

crimsonzagar 13y ago

Well seems like the discussion has moved away from the central thought of the post; let me try and add some of my life into the thread. Here is how I live today: Web is good for me. Porn is good for me. Anonymity is good for me. Given that I have an iPad, Galaxy Note 2 and a Chinese tablet with Android on it, the total installed 'app count' of my toys is zero. Zilch. I have said it a numerous times before, and I'd proudly say it again ... I hate all the native apps on the planet. Keep all that great, smooth and butter-y experience up your garden's ass.

solnyshok 13y ago
how do you get around without native skype and gmaps?

runn1ng 13y ago

Maybe it's a "feature" of the tumblr skin, but it took me a few minutes to realize the small and almost invisible arrow to the right at the bottom leads to another page. Make it bigger, if you can.

edent 13y ago
Have done so. Thanks.

JcMalta 13y ago

Fucking Brilliant. You should make an app to display this list.

wes-exp 13y ago

FYI to developers: Apple tried to fix the obtrusiveness of these popups with "smart app banners" in iOS 6: http://www.macgasm.net/2012/09/19/ios-6-smart-app-banners/ http://www.macgasm.net/2012/09/19/ios-6-smart-app-banners/ Please use them!

oneeyedpigeon 13y ago
Argh - that site uses onswipe! :-(
ryanmerket 13y ago
There's an upside to using them too: You can send tracking data back to your app through the Apple App Store 'black box' allowing you to track where your users come from. Use the 'app-argument' meta tag variable and put your tracking info within the URL.
qu4z-2 13y ago
While that's neat, I feel like the kind of developer who makes a fullscreen pop-up ad for their app every time you visit the site simply doesn't care enough to do this thing. Unrelatedly, I feel like I saw a presentation about security flaws with these a little while back? (Not a danger to people using them on their site, but rather they could be used to sniff various information about the user's device)

pullo 13y ago

Reading through the comments I am glad I am not the only one who finds over the top profanity upsetting. Yes , the author is free to make his/her point any way they want to. and No, not everyone who thinks that this profanity is undue is a prude. and I dont think it is fair to make a culture or age characterization based on a user's response. Extreme or sometimes, any profanity changes the tone of the article. that alone is a good reason to avoid over the top proclamations. IMO the author comes across as loud and noisy , and not strong and forceful. Just like a stand up comedian, who says 'fuck' for every joke. As to the point in discussion: yes, it can be extremely annoying at times when companies prompt you to download their app. they have good reasons to do it too. a) you spend good money to build an app, you want to drive users to the app instead of the site b) many times , the app can be more functional than the site c) one of the harder things for companies to do , is to retain user engagement. ex, if you have a firm that delivers stock quotes for users, you want to modify the users behavior to use your firm instead of a yahoo finance, or google. by making the user commit to download your app , in a way you get the users commitment to use your service. d) you get a piece of users mental space , when you get their phone's screen space. I personally think, having a small, disappearing toolbar to remind the user an app is available is the best way to go. Since every business with a website, also trying to get a mobile presence, a dual strategy of mobile web and app, seems to be the norm. p.s I usually upvote the stories that I find interesting enough to comment. I choose not to do it this time. edit:p.s

wnight 13y ago
Considering you're brushing off everything he said and trotting out tired justifications nobody asked for maybe you're just using any excuse - the profanity will do - to justify ignoring him. Besides, those good reasons aren't. a) You spent good money, but did you make it a good experience for the user? b) But usually the app is trash compared to a web browser, and offers a far worse experience. c) Retaining user engagement is hard when you pop up unrelated nag screens instead of making the user's task easier on your site than your competitors'. d) I want a website, you want to implant a brain worm. This is exactly why I would agree with the poster. Tons of entitled nonsense justifying making your users' experience worse - for them. What sites are you affiliated with?

DominikR 13y ago

Everyone should try to have a good user experience, but it is not always the best business decision to dogmatically follow some usability guidelines.

cognivore 13y ago

This gives me an idea. Wouldn't it be cool if had some sort of run-time environment/virtual machine that everyone could target for their applications, where it used some sort of markup for forms and layout and a built in language for automation. It could post back to your server to send and receive data. Everyone could use that instead of their own native app that has to be downloaded. I'm sure there would be some challenges to this, but I imagine it could be done.

dredmorbius 13y ago
Nobody but physicists would ever use anything like that.

rschmitty 13y ago

What is worse (if you can believe that is possible) are mobile apps (yes I downloaded your fucking app) that then nag you to download their iPad app while I'm on the fucking iPhone See http://imgur.com/yRLTOsd http://imgur.com/yRLTOsd and Go Pens :)

bergie 13y ago

I fully agree with the basic point. Forcing these "download our app" doorslams is annoying and mostly pointless. I would never download an app for most of the sites I use, preferring the linkable, cross-platform web experience instead. This is particularly annoying for me because I actually use an Android tablet as my "programming workstation", and so I get these popups on both my desktop service and when mobile. Of course the irony us that tumblr where this site is hosted has such a pop-up as well... http://imgur.com/uPMetSR http://imgur.com/uPMetSR

zapf 13y ago

Love your man's way of putting the point across. Never seen the point being made so fucking clearly. ;)

ancarda 13y ago

On a positive note, almost all of these offer to say "no" to the app.

dredmorbius 13y ago
Which is forgotten when you reset cookies. So you'll get the nag. Again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again.

flatline 13y ago

I see two primary problems with this. First is the #doorslam, as the article mentions, which is really just bad user interface. Plus who wants to get an app for a one-off reading of some article on some site? But I also see companies release an app that appears to have some useful features - it looks better on the mobile device, it has better navigation on a mobile device, etc. Why they chose to do it as an app vs. in-browser is another question but whatever, apps are hot so companies think they need/want one, and in my experience people are often happy to have them. But it turns out that websites are really freaking easy to update, and apps are not. And now you have two completely disparate codebases to maintain. So once something rolls out on the web property, the shiny new app is not so shiny and new, and may be missing critical features. Some companies do this well, Facebook for example finally has an app that more usable than the mobile site IMO. But Facebook has serious resources to dedicate to this type of thing, and it took years for them to get to the point they are at now, their app was barely usable for a long time. Case in point: I've been using Piazza for a number of classes over the last few years. They have an iOS app, and a lot of people in my classes have expressed that they are glad of this and use it exclusively. But it hasn't been updated for the iPhone 5 so the app display is cropped. Worse yet, there is now a course documents section that some teachers use almost exclusively, that you simply can't get to on the app. And the web page itself does not work terribly well on mobile Safari. So I hardly ever use it on my phone, and my overall impression of Piazza has seriously declined because I've spent so much time cursing the (lack of) usability on my phone. Plus you get the #doorslam every time you try to go to the web site on an iOS device.

Nux 13y ago

ZOMG! Nice blog entry! Lots of steam released. :D And now the question: why do people build apps and shove it down other people's throat? Most of what they do can be done via a ("mobile") web site. Hell! Most of them are useless without internet connectivity anyway! So why not make a great web site and just let people bookmark it?!

tomjen3 13y ago
Cause menagement is stupid (as always) and wants an app because all the other children^h^h^h^h^h^h^h^h/companies have one.

RyanMcGreal 13y ago

Delicious irony: http://i.imgur.com/1NS9s7L.png http://i.imgur.com/1NS9s7L.png

artursapek 13y ago
Out of his control I think.
- bambax 13y ago
  Yes and no. He could use a blogging platform that doesn't do what he's complaining about ;-)
ako 13y ago
Something he already mentioned on his tumblr site.
jacobolus 13y ago
Note: http://idontwantyourfuckingapp.tumblr.com/post/49271273272/this-very-page-on-a-mobile-device-its-not-a-door http://idontwantyourfuckingapp.tumblr.com/post/49271273272/t...
loudandskittish 13y ago
This one, along with other blog hosts, bug me the most. I'm toying around with various blogging sites, looking to get back into the practice seriously and when I go to see how a theme looks on mobile and get the "INSTALL OUR APP!!!" pop-up, it's a great reminder that it's not MY blog.

majkinetor 13y ago

Apps like that are really idiotic as concept. Why the fuck do we have mobile view ffs? Can't you do your mobile version of the site looking the same as your idiotic app ? Why do I need to have 77 entrances to the same thing?

notyourpal 13y ago

I feel this way about random advertisements I see on sites (mainly intrusive ones- well don't we all) . especially on the Forbes website. forbes can have interesting information (mixed with too much opinion maybe) but the writing is good...shitty site though because of ads and millions of click throughs to read an article .

linker3000 13y ago
As someone actively looking for a new job, I am getting severely frustrated by the number of corporate Web sites that now have an 'apply online' function that requires me to deconstruct my carefully-crafted CV into pieces that fit the un-formattable boxes on the web form. It took me over an hour to complete an application today. I suppose it gauges the candidates' genuine interest in the job though. On a side note - darn fine IT Manager looking for a new home on the UK South coast - I'll email a CV - just don't point me towards a web form!

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gnu8 13y ago

Many HN readers are guilty of contributing to this problem. Instead of complaining about the site having a naughty word in the name, you should be quiet and rethink what you've done.

shocks 13y ago

And as usual, any HN post that contains profanity is immediately overrun by 'offended' fuckheads that simply don't understand the joke and are offended by fuck all. Stephen Fry says it best: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s_osQvkeNRM https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s_osQvkeNRM

lucian303 13y ago

That goes for any modal, anywhere in the app (mobile or not) unless it's absolutely necessary. Subscribe to your newsletter? Fuck you. Ads? Double fuck you. Pointless promotional modals. Triple fuck you. A dialog box should be modal only when it cannot be otherwise. Even then, if I can't click/tap out of it and I have to hit your stupid little 'X' that's somewhere on some layer of the god-awful shit you just wasted money developing so you can throw it in my face (especially on paid sites, aka banks) do yourself a favor and terminate whomever is working on your app. Likely that would be thyself.

tbatchelli 13y ago

I feel the same way about onswipe. At a time where mobile devices have ultra-high screen resolutions and very fancy zooming features, I find the use (shoving into our eyes) of onswipe by many websites to be disruptive and annoying. I usually don't bother the moment I see the spinning wheel. Swipe right to left, paginated content, larger fonts (less content), hard to scan content... it breaks the whole internet experience. I know how to browse, I know how to read web pages, thank you, please give me my web page or gtfo. . .. Maybe wrong thread?

qingu 13y ago

Lots of people follow the newest trend. The same thing happened with the web in the early days. Everybody (person, company, entity) wanted a website. They didn't know why, who would use it and what for, but they said all their clients/customers/friends were asking for it. The same thing is happening now with mobile. As time progresses, people will get a better understanding of who uses mobile, when and for what and will adapt development of mobile apps accordingly.

downandout 13y ago

Hmm....perhaps there should be a "I don't want your fucking app" setting on Android and iPhone. This would make sure that an X-App-Fuck-Off header is sent with every browser request, informing the site not to prompt you about its fucking apps. That way everyone would have a choice.

abhatt 13y ago

And which one you hate the most? I vote for LinkedIn.. real piss off.

aneth4 13y ago

Google anything about Accor hotels, say what the benefits of Platinum are. You'll find you can't even access the content from mobile because the page is "not ready." Been like that for a year.

smegel 13y ago

They exist because they work - i can imagine lots of novice users clicking OK perhaps because they think its the only way to continue.

akadien 13y ago

Oh, hell yeah! I want a mobile-enabled web site on my iPad, not another useless app-wrapper proxy for a web site. Shouldn't the fact that I remember the URL be enough??

chriogenix 13y ago

for android on dolphin browser you can change the user agent and get around all of this but then the mobile version of the site doesnt load so thats kind of a hassle. i agree that a really good mobile site would work a lot better in most cases.

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vain 13y ago

Apps are the flash widgets of this era. Thank you Mr Jobs for making the internet proprietary again.

dredmorbius 13y ago

I hate to me to, but me too. I've found and am using Readability increasingly (both desktop and mobile) to get around just this and many, many, many more failures of both mobile and desktop Web experience. https://plus.google.com/104092656004159577193/posts/WDFFKRhr6gj https://plus.google.com/104092656004159577193/posts/WDFFKRhr...

sproketboy 13y ago

I DONT WANT YOUR FACKING SHITE BLOG EITHER.