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Call your Mom This is the best advice you will ever get here or anywhere else. So do it. I called my mother almost every day for 30 years. It I missed, she wa

by edw519 13y ago

Call your Mom This is the best advice you will ever get here or anywhere else. So do it. I called my mother almost every day for 30 years. It I missed, she was sure to remind me. No matter what else happened, it was pretty much the highlight of both of our days. We talk about a million different metrics to measure just about everything here, but I just can't get pass HowYouTreatYouMother as the #1 binary metric of you. More about my mother here: http://edweissman.wordpress.com/2013/05/12/betty-weissman-1930-2011/ http://edweissman.wordpress.com/2013/05/12/betty-weissman-19... Please call your mother for those of us who no longer can.

Achshar 13y ago
I told my mom personally because... umm well, because I live with my parents.
sneak 13y ago
> This is the best advice you will ever get here or anywhere else. That's rather presumptuous. > Please call your mother for those of us who no longer can. What do my family contact habits have to do with people whom I've never met?
- jkonowitch 13y ago
  Are you kidding me?! Are you completely devoid of empathy? He's not trying to command that anyone do anything, so drop the indignation. This is what we call a human response to grief; his mother is no longer here, and knowing what a wonderful and life-giving relationship that was, he is imploring the rest of us not to take our relationships with our mothers for granted.
  - deleted 13y ago
    [deleted]
  - ams6110 13y ago
    I've lost both my parents. Everyone does. It's nothing that deserves any special sympathy or empathy. It's part of life. I miss my parents, but beyond the initial short-term sadness after their deaths I don't grieve their loss, since it is inevitable. Far worse it would be to lose a child.
  - mpyne 13y ago
    To be honest I might have made a similar comment. I at least knew my mother. She would take me to bars with her, or leave me with her sister while she went out (but she usually made sure to drunkenly wake me up when she got back to tell me again and again how much she loooooorved me). Eventually she left me and my siblings and fled to Holland, where she promptly stopped paying child support and started helping to raise the other guy's children instead. Occasionally I would get cards. Even less often I would get phone calls full of guilt and awkwardness. She's actually on my FB now, but I'm not calling her. It gets better though, my dad later remarried to someone who means well but didn't exactly contribute to a loving upbringing... but at least she stuck around. But how does Happy "Stepmother's" Day fall into this weekend? And every single year I get to go through this dilemma anew. Thanks, Hallmark! So I suppose the point is that for those who do have the doting, loving mother, by all means don't skip out on making that phone call. But not all of us are going to be in that situation, so Ed's advice isn't going to apply to all of us.
    - GigabyteCoin 13y ago
      My grandmother had a drunk for a father, so I am told. He left the family and kept to himself, but that didn't stop my grandmother from visiting him every week. Bringing food and making sure he was doing OK. To this day, I have never once heard her speak a bad word about the man. In fact, she wasn't even the person who told me this story. I don't know if he paid "child support" or any form of it, but I would assume not as he was constantly penniless. He couldn't help being a poor drunk, but it was nothing to punish him over is how my grandmother saw the situation. Sometimes forgiveness and acceptance is the best medicine.
      - mpyne 13y ago
        > Sometimes forgiveness and acceptance is the best medicine. Sometimes it's not. I don't wish ill of my mother even at this point, hopefully she's happy over in Holland with her new life. And I would certainly never deign to tell your grandmother what she should do, I'm assuming she maintained contact because she had good reasons to. But I have kids of my own to think about, a wife of my own, and a very short life of my own to live, so I'm not going to waste a minute of it worrying about someone who could not reciprocate in kind. I stress myself enough worrying about the people who do care for me. If my kids still respect me when they grow up I want it to be because I demonstrated a reason to earn their respect, not because I guilt-tripped them into feeling they have to live up to some familial bond which society imposes upon them. Edit: I did end up calling my stepmother earlier today as well. Pays to stay involved, I guess.
- rfrey 13y ago
  Today I discovered a new classification of people: HSL. Human as a second language.
- jkonowitch 13y ago
  Edit: @sneak - apologies, my comment may have lacked empathy of its own. It's quite possible you have a really good reason for the anger that came across in your comment. Not all of us have positive relationships with our families, for example. I understand these subjects can stir powerful emotions, and I'm sure you have a valuable perspective to share on the matter - it's hard to tell, though, from such a curt and seemingly confrontational comment. At any rate, I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings with my own rash and unconsidered response.
  - sneak 13y ago
    > It's quite possible you have a really good reason for the anger that came across in your comment. Anger? This is news to me. I think you may be reading a lot more into my two lines than are actually there. > I understand these subjects can stir powerful emotions, and I'm sure you have a valuable perspective to share on the matter - it's hard to tell, though, from such a curt and seemingly confrontational comment. My own emotions regarding the matter are anything but powerful - which explains my resultant near-total apathy about it quite plainly. Confrontational it was, though. I'm rather tired of people reciting platitudes as if close personal bonds to one's immediate family are universally beneficial. In many cases, it's far more destructive than helpful, yet people insist. Society should endeavor to reject mindless duckspeak when possible. To be clear, it's nothing to do with my own family circumstances, I just think it's incredibly rude to assume that some one-size-fits-all attitude is something to be espoused to random strangers as if you could possibly know better than them how to interface with their own family— A simple case of inappropriate presumption.
    - edw519 13y ago
      From sneak's profile: I don't bite! I'm rather tired of people reciting platitudes... I just think it's incredibly rude... All evidence to the contrary.
    - mc-lovin 13y ago
      Well said. It seems to me that while we have deconstructed certain normative ideas (e.g. that everyone should be heterosexual), there is no general interested in pursuing a truly liberal agenda where people define for themselves who they are and how they want to live, rather than live by arbitrary rules. What is happening is that the old rules are now being replaced by new rules. And people who break these rules are no longer called degenerates, they are called autists.

by edw519 13y ago

Achshar 13y ago

I told my mom personally because... umm well, because I live with my parents.

sneak 13y ago

> This is the best advice you will ever get here or anywhere else. That's rather presumptuous. > Please call your mother for those of us who no longer can. What do my family contact habits have to do with people whom I've never met?

jkonowitch 13y ago
Are you kidding me?! Are you completely devoid of empathy? He's not trying to command that anyone do anything, so drop the indignation. This is what we call a human response to grief; his mother is no longer here, and knowing what a wonderful and life-giving relationship that was, he is imploring the rest of us not to take our relationships with our mothers for granted.
- deleted 13y ago
  [deleted]
- ams6110 13y ago
  I've lost both my parents. Everyone does. It's nothing that deserves any special sympathy or empathy. It's part of life. I miss my parents, but beyond the initial short-term sadness after their deaths I don't grieve their loss, since it is inevitable. Far worse it would be to lose a child.
- mpyne 13y ago
  To be honest I might have made a similar comment. I at least knew my mother. She would take me to bars with her, or leave me with her sister while she went out (but she usually made sure to drunkenly wake me up when she got back to tell me again and again how much she loooooorved me). Eventually she left me and my siblings and fled to Holland, where she promptly stopped paying child support and started helping to raise the other guy's children instead. Occasionally I would get cards. Even less often I would get phone calls full of guilt and awkwardness. She's actually on my FB now, but I'm not calling her. It gets better though, my dad later remarried to someone who means well but didn't exactly contribute to a loving upbringing... but at least she stuck around. But how does Happy "Stepmother's" Day fall into this weekend? And every single year I get to go through this dilemma anew. Thanks, Hallmark! So I suppose the point is that for those who do have the doting, loving mother, by all means don't skip out on making that phone call. But not all of us are going to be in that situation, so Ed's advice isn't going to apply to all of us.
  - GigabyteCoin 13y ago
    My grandmother had a drunk for a father, so I am told. He left the family and kept to himself, but that didn't stop my grandmother from visiting him every week. Bringing food and making sure he was doing OK. To this day, I have never once heard her speak a bad word about the man. In fact, she wasn't even the person who told me this story. I don't know if he paid "child support" or any form of it, but I would assume not as he was constantly penniless. He couldn't help being a poor drunk, but it was nothing to punish him over is how my grandmother saw the situation. Sometimes forgiveness and acceptance is the best medicine.
    - mpyne 13y ago
      > Sometimes forgiveness and acceptance is the best medicine. Sometimes it's not. I don't wish ill of my mother even at this point, hopefully she's happy over in Holland with her new life. And I would certainly never deign to tell your grandmother what she should do, I'm assuming she maintained contact because she had good reasons to. But I have kids of my own to think about, a wife of my own, and a very short life of my own to live, so I'm not going to waste a minute of it worrying about someone who could not reciprocate in kind. I stress myself enough worrying about the people who do care for me. If my kids still respect me when they grow up I want it to be because I demonstrated a reason to earn their respect, not because I guilt-tripped them into feeling they have to live up to some familial bond which society imposes upon them. Edit: I did end up calling my stepmother earlier today as well. Pays to stay involved, I guess.
rfrey 13y ago
Today I discovered a new classification of people: HSL. Human as a second language.
jkonowitch 13y ago
Edit: @sneak - apologies, my comment may have lacked empathy of its own. It's quite possible you have a really good reason for the anger that came across in your comment. Not all of us have positive relationships with our families, for example. I understand these subjects can stir powerful emotions, and I'm sure you have a valuable perspective to share on the matter - it's hard to tell, though, from such a curt and seemingly confrontational comment. At any rate, I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings with my own rash and unconsidered response.
- sneak 13y ago
  > It's quite possible you have a really good reason for the anger that came across in your comment. Anger? This is news to me. I think you may be reading a lot more into my two lines than are actually there. > I understand these subjects can stir powerful emotions, and I'm sure you have a valuable perspective to share on the matter - it's hard to tell, though, from such a curt and seemingly confrontational comment. My own emotions regarding the matter are anything but powerful - which explains my resultant near-total apathy about it quite plainly. Confrontational it was, though. I'm rather tired of people reciting platitudes as if close personal bonds to one's immediate family are universally beneficial. In many cases, it's far more destructive than helpful, yet people insist. Society should endeavor to reject mindless duckspeak when possible. To be clear, it's nothing to do with my own family circumstances, I just think it's incredibly rude to assume that some one-size-fits-all attitude is something to be espoused to random strangers as if you could possibly know better than them how to interface with their own family— A simple case of inappropriate presumption.
  - edw519 13y ago
    From sneak's profile: I don't bite! I'm rather tired of people reciting platitudes... I just think it's incredibly rude... All evidence to the contrary.
  - mc-lovin 13y ago
    Well said. It seems to me that while we have deconstructed certain normative ideas (e.g. that everyone should be heterosexual), there is no general interested in pursuing a truly liberal agenda where people define for themselves who they are and how they want to live, rather than live by arbitrary rules. What is happening is that the old rules are now being replaced by new rules. And people who break these rules are no longer called degenerates, they are called autists.