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> I think we should stop seeing the depression as a problem This Grey depression rarely comes without the Black depression described above, which really is a b

by uxp 13y ago

> I think we should stop seeing the depression as a problem This Grey depression rarely comes without the Black depression described above, which really is a bad disease. I've only recently been diagnosed with depression, and one of the reasons I went in to see a doctor about it is because of the self-doubt. Right now at work, I've been told to convert an existing synchronous system into an asynchronous workflow engine, and I don't know two shits about workflow engines. So, even with a "normalized" view of what I know and what I can do, I get anxious about the responsibilities I've been assigned, which leads to physical manifestations of anxiety, which leads to physical ailments, which leads to sick days. I know I can sit down and within a week, learn exactly what I need to do, but my mind keeps telling me I'm stupid and I should just quit my job. Your rant reminds me of the people that claim autism spectrum disorders are just a rung on the evolutionary ladder. It might have one little part that sounds good on paper when you completely ignore the disease as a whole, but it's still a fucking disease. edit: if you want to try and pretend to know what it's like to have a "baseline" like mine, take a week and instead of saying yes or no, just say "I don't care". Coworker asks you where you want to go to lunch, you don't care because it's all food at the end. Significant other asks if you want to go out to a movie, you don't care because it's all the same action packed or slapstick comedy crap. You no longer care about anything, because it's all stupid crap. You go through the motions of waking up, showering and go to work every morning, not because you like your job (even if you do), but it's because that's what you've been told to do. This is the brink of suicide, and it's a very real thing for people with depression. Nothing excites you, so there's no point in living. </endrant> edit2: If anyone else is thinking they might have depression, please go see someone. It really does help. Greg Baugues, a developer out of Chicago, recently gave a talk about developers and depression at Mountain West RubyConf, and I would suggest watching it (http://www.confreaks.com/videos/2341-mwrc2013-devs-and-depression http://www.confreaks.com/videos/2341-mwrc2013-devs-and-depre...). It gave me the courage to go seek help, hopefully it can do the same for others.

larrys 13y ago
"please go see someone. It really does help" Sorry for your circumstances. I wonder though if it could actually be more helpful to have a close friend that can provide unconditional support and guidance if possible of course. Reason being is I've always found (from relationship counseling) the therapist caring but then "ok our appointment is over that will be $x" to contradict somewhat the caring part even recognizing that it's a job. Wondering about your thoughts on this? For example when someone calls me for help (which is actually pretty often and I separately dated for some time a very depressed woman and oddly find it interesting) I gave all the time that they needed anytime anyplace and the conversation didn't end "just like that". I would imagine things like that provoke feelings that aren't exactly positive.
- Vivtek 13y ago
  That's a lot of responsibility to put on somebody, for one - and for the other, that somebody may not have either the distance from you or the skills to assess your situation correctly. (Of course, a therapist might not, either, but you can't easily fire a significant other for failure to meet your therapy needs, and what you're describing is much more intensive than mere friendship.)
- quinoa_rex 13y ago
  You're basically asking a friend to be an untrained therapist for free. Even the most caring and generous of people know in their hearts that they can't take on that kind of responsibility and still be able to manage their own life. It's not fair to ask - most people will feel guilty about saying no to someone asking for their help, even knowing it's help they cannot feasibly give. It's truly a full-time job. I don't mind paying my therapist, because while it could be interpreted as paying someone to care, I see it as paying for their expertise in helping me get better. The right therapist will care about you regardless of payment; it's both a professional and a profoundly personal relationship. It's why many therapists, particularly ones treating personality disorders, have to go into therapy themselves to stay grounded. I struggle with depression and anxiety pretty severely at times, and while my boyfriend is tremendously supportive to an almost saintly degree, he absolutely insists on me having professional help. There is only so much he can do and asking more of him would be counterproductive for both of us. I wouldn't get better and he'd be taking on a problem that is ultimately not his.
  - seanp2k2 13y ago
    >"You're basically asking a friend to be an untrained therapist for free." On the flip side, going to a therapist is just paying someone to pretend to be your friend for a while. My insurance (Kaiser; about $600 per month) covers something like 80% of 6 therapist visits, and after that it's all on me. This is probably the worst part of trying to seek help; the sickness basically prevents you from taking all the steps necessary to start getting better. I've thought long and hard about how to solve this (maybe have a service that just handles all the idiotic HMO stuff for you to make it as low-effort as possible), but I still don't have a good solution, and "hacking the medical industry" has traditionally been a non-starter.
sigkill 13y ago
Replying to your first edit. Trust me I don't care. I'm relatively sure I'm not going to apply to YC so I can tell here. I know what it feels like. The hyperbole and half post resonated with me. Things are happening, I know they are happening, but I don't know that these are symptoms for something. If you've been through depression, I think you know what I'm talking about. You can just see, nothing matters. Why am I getting up? Why am I poking a fork on a grape and eating it? I'm washing a plate... what's going on. The water is running from the tap and hitting the sink and making a sound. What's the point of that? What's life anyway? Just a bunch of random chemical reactions. Basically I'm ending up think (paraphrased) "What the fuck is actually going on in this world?" I didn't know that was called depression until I read that post...
- mcguire 13y ago
  Note that there is an important part of the definition being left out: "... significant impairment in social, work, or other important areas of functioning".

by uxp 13y ago

larrys 13y ago

"please go see someone. It really does help" Sorry for your circumstances. I wonder though if it could actually be more helpful to have a close friend that can provide unconditional support and guidance if possible of course. Reason being is I've always found (from relationship counseling) the therapist caring but then "ok our appointment is over that will be $x" to contradict somewhat the caring part even recognizing that it's a job. Wondering about your thoughts on this? For example when someone calls me for help (which is actually pretty often and I separately dated for some time a very depressed woman and oddly find it interesting) I gave all the time that they needed anytime anyplace and the conversation didn't end "just like that". I would imagine things like that provoke feelings that aren't exactly positive.

Vivtek 13y ago
That's a lot of responsibility to put on somebody, for one - and for the other, that somebody may not have either the distance from you or the skills to assess your situation correctly. (Of course, a therapist might not, either, but you can't easily fire a significant other for failure to meet your therapy needs, and what you're describing is much more intensive than mere friendship.)
quinoa_rex 13y ago
You're basically asking a friend to be an untrained therapist for free. Even the most caring and generous of people know in their hearts that they can't take on that kind of responsibility and still be able to manage their own life. It's not fair to ask - most people will feel guilty about saying no to someone asking for their help, even knowing it's help they cannot feasibly give. It's truly a full-time job. I don't mind paying my therapist, because while it could be interpreted as paying someone to care, I see it as paying for their expertise in helping me get better. The right therapist will care about you regardless of payment; it's both a professional and a profoundly personal relationship. It's why many therapists, particularly ones treating personality disorders, have to go into therapy themselves to stay grounded. I struggle with depression and anxiety pretty severely at times, and while my boyfriend is tremendously supportive to an almost saintly degree, he absolutely insists on me having professional help. There is only so much he can do and asking more of him would be counterproductive for both of us. I wouldn't get better and he'd be taking on a problem that is ultimately not his.
- seanp2k2 13y ago
  >"You're basically asking a friend to be an untrained therapist for free." On the flip side, going to a therapist is just paying someone to pretend to be your friend for a while. My insurance (Kaiser; about $600 per month) covers something like 80% of 6 therapist visits, and after that it's all on me. This is probably the worst part of trying to seek help; the sickness basically prevents you from taking all the steps necessary to start getting better. I've thought long and hard about how to solve this (maybe have a service that just handles all the idiotic HMO stuff for you to make it as low-effort as possible), but I still don't have a good solution, and "hacking the medical industry" has traditionally been a non-starter.

sigkill 13y ago

Replying to your first edit. Trust me I don't care. I'm relatively sure I'm not going to apply to YC so I can tell here. I know what it feels like. The hyperbole and half post resonated with me. Things are happening, I know they are happening, but I don't know that these are symptoms for something. If you've been through depression, I think you know what I'm talking about. You can just see, nothing matters. Why am I getting up? Why am I poking a fork on a grape and eating it? I'm washing a plate... what's going on. The water is running from the tap and hitting the sink and making a sound. What's the point of that? What's life anyway? Just a bunch of random chemical reactions. Basically I'm ending up think (paraphrased) "What the fuck is actually going on in this world?" I didn't know that was called depression until I read that post...

mcguire 13y ago
Note that there is an important part of the definition being left out: "... significant impairment in social, work, or other important areas of functioning".