4 ms·
I think you're definitely onto something here, and I think the guy who puts himself out there and puts the onus on the woman to say 'no' instead of waiting for
by ahpeeyem 18y ago
I think you're definitely onto something here, and I think the guy who puts himself out there and puts the onus on the woman to say 'no' instead of waiting for her to say 'yes' is more successful for a few reasons.
1. As you say, it's easier and less risky for the woman to remain passive and not make the conscious decision to say yes to the 'nice' guy who's waiting for her.
2. There is a lot of social pressure on females to not be a 'slut'. This is becoming less than it used to be but is also subtle and ingrained into society. By remaining passive and letting the man chase, she avoids the possibility of seeming promiscuous.
3. Some of the other comments are saying this as well: the theory that women have evolved to be attracted to a leader. Leadership, strength and confidence are demonstrated by a guy who will go out of his way to pursue a woman, even despite her initial coquettishness and playing hard to get. By doing this he shows that he's a confident man who has balls and is not afraid to get what he wants - themselves apparently attractive qualities in a bloke.
- adrianwaj 18y agoAlso, the alpha and dark males probably get the bigger rejections, and that's what the nice guys are seeking to avoid. So that's another factor for the struggling males, being able to pursue but then being able to pick yourself up after a rejection. There's another factor at work to, 'consent.' A nice guy wants the interaction to be consensual, and it should be, but in a way she doesn't because as you say there's a stigma to it, but then again if she never gives consent, she'll not only end up attracting the aholes and be quietly looking for them to satiate her 'guilty pleasures', but also on the downside she'll lock herself out of the nice guys because giving consent will be too painful, and when she does, he may be ultimately turned off. In the end, she'll marry a somewhat inexperienced nice bloke to raise the kids after being used and abused by the aholes, and she may cheat on him if her issues are unresolved.
- DTrejo 18y agoHow depressing.
- adrianwaj 18y agoIf you can't find a truly nice girl or someone you really connect with, you can go for someone younger, that also can be easier. Another tip to ride the depression out: even though you want to call the new babe straight away, don't, no matter how excited you are, wait until the excitement wears off to the point you're almost depressed again, so to speak, then call. If she rejects you (she probably won't), it won't matter, you've found your center.