The recommendations are misconceived, but they are useful if interpreted properly. All of those things happen naturally if you feel a certain way about the per

The recommendations are misconceived, but they are useful if interpreted properly. All of those things happen naturally if you feel a certain way about the person and the situation. If I am not getting along with someone the way I want, I ask myself, "How am I acting with this person, and why? How do I feel about this person and situation that makes me act this way?" Whether the feeling is boredom, distaste, fear, or inferiority, once it is identified, the next question is whether the feeling is appropriate and whether my desire to get along with the person is appropriate and realistic. If my desires are inappropriate (such as when trying to get a phone number from a woman I dislike) or my feelings are inappropriate (such as when I feel anxious in a situation that isn't dangerous) then I concentrate on dealing with the inappropriate desires or feelings. If both the feeling and the desire are appropriate, then that's a different situation that requires acting. This is rarely strictly necessary when socializing, though it might be an optimization. In general, most social difficulties in social situations are best dealt with honestly. Your post seems to say that there's no point in trying to be friendly with people when it doesn't come naturally. I don't think that's always true. Everyone has some leftover knee-jerk reactions that aren't consistent with what they have learned rationally. I often find myself behaving rudely or distantly toward people I want to be friends with, because the way I learned in adolescence to intuitively categorize people as "potential friend" or "probable enemy" or "waste of time" don't work reliably now (in a different environment and a different time in life.) Paying attention to how "likable" my behavior is helps me realize when my adolescent gut has categorized someone as an enemy when my rational mind knows he is a smart and decent person.