3 ms·

I just find as a woman with a fairly low voice (not one of those raucous ear-splitting types) the best way to succeed at these sorts of conversations is not to

by jlees 18y ago

I just find as a woman with a fairly low voice (not one of those raucous ear-splitting types) the best way to succeed at these sorts of conversations is not to get involved in them in the first place.

deleted 18y ago
[deleted]
jacoblyles 18y ago
Unfortunately, they are common at the kind of events (such as parties) that one usually goes to in order to enlarge one's social circle. I actually don't enjoy such events very much, but I do enjoy knowing people, so I go.
- jlees 18y ago
  Really? The sort of parties I go to generally involve fairly sedate conversation and I have no trouble getting heard ;-) I'm more visualising a scene such as the start of The Apprentice where you have eight wannabes all shouting over each other because Their Idea Is The Best.
  - jacoblyles 18y ago
    Well, invite me to your next party in Southern California. It sounds delightful.
  - gasull 18y ago
    Sometimes the conversation is loud because the music is. This is a cultural thing and in California I find music much more quiet than in Europe. Depending where you are you won't be able to avoid a loud conversation.
Celcius 18y ago
I'm sorry but I don't understand the rationale behind that statement and I wouldn't voice my oppinion if it wasn't you've been upmodded so much. So I'm curious, if you do not partake how can you possibly succeed? While I do understand why you'd be reluctant to partake in them, it's not like they hold no value whatsoever or there being an inherent loss in partaking. Although I do prefer civilized discussions.
- jlees 18y ago
  You're implying that a noisy conversation is the only option and that I might be missing out? That there is no loss to sitting in a room full of people shouting at cross purposes and not being able to make myself heard without major effort? Of course there's an inherent loss: frustration, vocal strain, not having the situation go the way I want, you name it. But what I more meant was that I construct situations where these cross-purposes conversations aren't present. If I've got six people to discuss a project with, I don't sit in a room and get them all to shout over me. There are other ways to have that discussion. I probably should have mentioned in my original reply that I'm from the UK, which helps.
  - Celcius 18y ago
    I wasn't at all implying it's the only option but rather that it's an option. I don't think you can entirely avoid discussions in that format especially if you are discussing non-professional topics like politics, how you should raise children or other highly opinionated things. You always get to choose the people you are having a discussion with and some people have a hard time taking someone disagreeing with them. Even if the discussion might feel unpleasant in the heat of the moment I find that days or weeks after the fact, I can still have the conversation in my head and feel I've gained some insight into other peoples minds and maybe even agree with them. So all I was implying was that they aren't entirely pointless, however frustrating they may be. I can see your point of wanting to avoid the frustration, even if I personally have quite a thick skin and don't mind it all that much. I could mention that I'm from Sweden, but I doubt that helps at all. :) I do like to stress that I don't try start those types of discussions and I do think people who start shouting are silly, but I do argue against someone however loud their voices are. :) EDIT: I could probably also say that I tend to stay in heated group arguments mainly because of the audience rather than whoever might be disagreeing with me. As people who tend too shout don't tend to change their mind but letting them have the only word might make the audience think that they are right.
    - jlees 18y ago
      I totally agree with your final point. If there's an audience things change completely. :-D
dkarl 18y ago
I appreciate your preference and wish I knew more people like you. On the other hand, I wish I could appreciate conversations the same way I appreciate playing sports, as an enjoyable activity that allows me to exercise some of my natural human capabilities. Unfortunately, I can't do it. I get bored if important things aren't discussed, and if important things are discussed, I get stressed out about the quality of the discussion. For some reason I feel like raucus, uninhibited arguments are incompatible with intelligence and a critical approach to life, even though I know that's wrong; I know that plenty of intelligent writers and thinkers have been known for their wit and their ability to hold their own in rowdy discussions. I think I've been programmed to believe in a false dichotomy between intelligent discussion and noisy manipulation.

by jlees 18y ago

deleted 18y ago

[deleted]

jacoblyles 18y ago

Unfortunately, they are common at the kind of events (such as parties) that one usually goes to in order to enlarge one's social circle. I actually don't enjoy such events very much, but I do enjoy knowing people, so I go.

jlees 18y ago
Really? The sort of parties I go to generally involve fairly sedate conversation and I have no trouble getting heard ;-) I'm more visualising a scene such as the start of The Apprentice where you have eight wannabes all shouting over each other because Their Idea Is The Best.
- jacoblyles 18y ago
  Well, invite me to your next party in Southern California. It sounds delightful.
- gasull 18y ago
  Sometimes the conversation is loud because the music is. This is a cultural thing and in California I find music much more quiet than in Europe. Depending where you are you won't be able to avoid a loud conversation.

Celcius 18y ago

I'm sorry but I don't understand the rationale behind that statement and I wouldn't voice my oppinion if it wasn't you've been upmodded so much. So I'm curious, if you do not partake how can you possibly succeed? While I do understand why you'd be reluctant to partake in them, it's not like they hold no value whatsoever or there being an inherent loss in partaking. Although I do prefer civilized discussions.

jlees 18y ago
You're implying that a noisy conversation is the only option and that I might be missing out? That there is no loss to sitting in a room full of people shouting at cross purposes and not being able to make myself heard without major effort? Of course there's an inherent loss: frustration, vocal strain, not having the situation go the way I want, you name it. But what I more meant was that I construct situations where these cross-purposes conversations aren't present. If I've got six people to discuss a project with, I don't sit in a room and get them all to shout over me. There are other ways to have that discussion. I probably should have mentioned in my original reply that I'm from the UK, which helps.
- Celcius 18y ago
  I wasn't at all implying it's the only option but rather that it's an option. I don't think you can entirely avoid discussions in that format especially if you are discussing non-professional topics like politics, how you should raise children or other highly opinionated things. You always get to choose the people you are having a discussion with and some people have a hard time taking someone disagreeing with them. Even if the discussion might feel unpleasant in the heat of the moment I find that days or weeks after the fact, I can still have the conversation in my head and feel I've gained some insight into other peoples minds and maybe even agree with them. So all I was implying was that they aren't entirely pointless, however frustrating they may be. I can see your point of wanting to avoid the frustration, even if I personally have quite a thick skin and don't mind it all that much. I could mention that I'm from Sweden, but I doubt that helps at all. :) I do like to stress that I don't try start those types of discussions and I do think people who start shouting are silly, but I do argue against someone however loud their voices are. :) EDIT: I could probably also say that I tend to stay in heated group arguments mainly because of the audience rather than whoever might be disagreeing with me. As people who tend too shout don't tend to change their mind but letting them have the only word might make the audience think that they are right.
  - jlees 18y ago
    I totally agree with your final point. If there's an audience things change completely. :-D

dkarl 18y ago

I appreciate your preference and wish I knew more people like you. On the other hand, I wish I could appreciate conversations the same way I appreciate playing sports, as an enjoyable activity that allows me to exercise some of my natural human capabilities. Unfortunately, I can't do it. I get bored if important things aren't discussed, and if important things are discussed, I get stressed out about the quality of the discussion. For some reason I feel like raucus, uninhibited arguments are incompatible with intelligence and a critical approach to life, even though I know that's wrong; I know that plenty of intelligent writers and thinkers have been known for their wit and their ability to hold their own in rowdy discussions. I think I've been programmed to believe in a false dichotomy between intelligent discussion and noisy manipulation.