3 ms·

This is only tangentially related, but since I'm posting under a throwaway (I've been on HN for many years under my main nick) and can't really ask anyone to up

This is only tangentially related, but since I'm posting under a throwaway (I've been on HN for many years under my main nick) and can't really ask anyone to upvote this, I feel that this is my best chance for someone to see it. For the last few months I've been growing more depressed, more anxious, and more stressed. I love my job, but it requires a good deal of interaction with clients, which never fails to stress me out. Combine that with relationship nonsense and a general vicious cycle of pain (due to an injury causing chronic pain) and depression, and it's led to a situation where I'm spiraling out of control. After many years of being fairly stable, I started self-harming again and ending up in these obsessive thought loops, culminating in thoughts of death and (occasionally) suicide. Now, I know myself well enough to know that I'm not going to commit suicide (I've been far worse than I am right now, and I've managed to pull myself away from that; I enjoy life entirely too much for suicide, even if things suck right now. I still have hope for the future, and that's not something I see changing.), but this is obviously not healthy. I know I need help, but I have a few problems: Problem #1: I can't find a therapist I can actually trust and connect with. I have serious problems talking to people in real life, so I attempted online therapy; every one I tried was a complete and utter waste of hundreds of dollars. I don't know that I'd go so far as to call them scams, but I wouldn't feel bad about doing so. Regardless, text-based therapy would make a huge difference for me, and I just can't find anything that Doesn't Suck (TM). Problem #2: I've been looking at treatment facilities to just go there, disconnect from the world, and focus on getting better. But I have a job, bills to pay (that can be dealt with by savings, assuming I have a job when I'm out), and responsibilities. I know about FMLA leaves of absence, but that requires you (!) to disclose your illness to your employee; given the massive stigma around mental illness, I really, really dislike that option. All of this, of course, means I feel even more pressure; even in treatment I would feel that pressure. So, HN, what do I do? Problem #2 would be awesome to solve, but problem #1 is the big one; without ongoing therapy, any help I get isn't going to be sustained. I know there's a solution here, and I know I can get better. I'm optimistic about the future for many reasons, and I want to stop feeling like the sky is falling every 15 minutes. Sorry for threadjacking, and thank you all.

incision 13y ago
>I know about FMLA leaves of absence, but that requires you (!) to disclose your illness to your employee; given the massive stigma around mental illness, I really, really dislike that option. Not true. You don't have to disclose the nature of the condition, simply that a serious condition exists.
- infinite8s 13y ago
  Well, I believe you need to get medical proof that such a condition exists, which would reqire disclosing the issue to someone.
  - incision 13y ago
    The proof can be quite generic. It doesn't have to specify what the condition is, just something demonstrating that a physician has validated your need to take leave for a condition protected by FMLA. In any case, providing a medical certification only involves the HR department of an employer and there are clear rules about non-disclosure to people the applicant works for/with. Source: Personal experience with the process and extensive conversation with people who deal with such things for a living.
    - mentalthrowaway 13y ago
      Thank you, that's really very good to know. That makes me feel considerably better about that option.
eatitraw 13y ago
I can't comment on the whole situation, since I live outside of the USA, but I can give you some advice about Problem #1. There are great books by David Burns: "Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy" and "When Panic Attacks". Both are available at amazon kindle: http://amzn.com/0380810336 http://amzn.com/0380810336 and http://amzn.com/076792083X http://amzn.com/076792083X The "Feeling Good" book is focused primarily on depression issues and "When Panic Attacs" (as its name suggest) on various anxiety disorder. I suggest to read them both. They are really helpful, but not just because of their content(which is good), but because they present of number techniques from Cognitive-Behavioural Therapy, which you can apply on yourself. But please note that reading the book and using these methodics is order of magnitude more effective than just reading the book and internalizing its contents. Also, can you please elaborate on your issue with finding a therapist? Can you just go to a therapy session? Or you can't because you have to overcome strong anxiety first? If you are able to come and see a therapist(being able to manage your anxiety if you have any), then find a good CBT therapist and do come see her of him. Therapists are trained to deal with people who have all sorts of issues, even such serious as yours.

incision 13y ago

>I know about FMLA leaves of absence, but that requires you (!) to disclose your illness to your employee; given the massive stigma around mental illness, I really, really dislike that option. Not true. You don't have to disclose the nature of the condition, simply that a serious condition exists.

infinite8s 13y ago
Well, I believe you need to get medical proof that such a condition exists, which would reqire disclosing the issue to someone.
- incision 13y ago
  The proof can be quite generic. It doesn't have to specify what the condition is, just something demonstrating that a physician has validated your need to take leave for a condition protected by FMLA. In any case, providing a medical certification only involves the HR department of an employer and there are clear rules about non-disclosure to people the applicant works for/with. Source: Personal experience with the process and extensive conversation with people who deal with such things for a living.
  - mentalthrowaway 13y ago
    Thank you, that's really very good to know. That makes me feel considerably better about that option.

eatitraw 13y ago

I can't comment on the whole situation, since I live outside of the USA, but I can give you some advice about Problem #1. There are great books by David Burns: "Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy" and "When Panic Attacks". Both are available at amazon kindle: http://amzn.com/0380810336 http://amzn.com/0380810336 and http://amzn.com/076792083X http://amzn.com/076792083X The "Feeling Good" book is focused primarily on depression issues and "When Panic Attacs" (as its name suggest) on various anxiety disorder. I suggest to read them both. They are really helpful, but not just because of their content(which is good), but because they present of number techniques from Cognitive-Behavioural Therapy, which you can apply on yourself. But please note that reading the book and using these methodics is order of magnitude more effective than just reading the book and internalizing its contents. Also, can you please elaborate on your issue with finding a therapist? Can you just go to a therapy session? Or you can't because you have to overcome strong anxiety first? If you are able to come and see a therapist(being able to manage your anxiety if you have any), then find a good CBT therapist and do come see her of him. Therapists are trained to deal with people who have all sorts of issues, even such serious as yours.