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Be a "yes man" while you bide your time and look for something else. People like that rarely change. By confronting them, you'll only force them to worsen thei

Be a "yes man" while you bide your time and look for something else. People like that rarely change. By confronting them, you'll only force them to worsen their behaviour in defence at which point they might condemn or criticise you unfairly, leaving you with a lower opinion of yourself undeservedly. You also run the risk of having your reputation harmed. So for your own happiness, no matter how tempting, generally it's better to avoid confrontation with the ones that don't have the willingness or capacity to change.

VexXtreme 14y ago
I totally agree with this. I had to deal with a situation like this at one point in time, where my manager was dictatorial, unreasonable and extremely defensive and saw every suggestion as an attack on his authority and would immediately run upstairs to the upper management and write people up. When I saw that normal dialogue was not possible with this kind of person, I decided to start agreeing with him on everything and made sure he wouldn't perceive me as a threat anymore. It completely killed any chance for positive feedback on my part but it also protected me from his outbursts because I wasn't giving him a reason to see me as a threat to his authority anymore. Going to their bosses does nothing and more likely than not, you will be perceived as a moaner and troublemaker and may get yourself into even more trouble. They are holding those positions because the management TRUSTS THEM. They are also in charge of keeping their people in check.　Also, if the organization was any good, they wouldn't be putting people into these kinds of situations in the first place. Bide your time, look for work elsewhere (or wait until your project is over and get reassigned to a different team) and absolutely do not confront anybody unless you're prepared to walk right then and there if things go south (and they probably will). Shitty people/organizations don't change. Moving on is usually the correct course of action.
mtrimpe 14y ago
I guess it also depends on what kind of person you are. I experienced something like this recently and I did stand up for myself. It did cost several people I cared about their jobs, it didn't cause the company to change much and the personal cost was very high, but in the end I'm still glad we stood up for our principles.
- krmmalik 14y ago
  I don't intend to sound facetious or condescending, but walking away would have been as good a way of standing up for your principles. At least in my opinion. Don't get me wrong. I've had more than my fair share of confrontations too, but you start to realise that that there are better ways to maintain your principles.
  - mtrimpe 14y ago
    Your comment isn't condescending at all; re-reading mine it might actually have across as such. I think we're actually talking about different degrees of transgressions. I guess I wanted to say that if you feel the behaviour is too far out of line, say systemic overt discrimination or such, to also not be afraid to make a stand, speak up and accept that it might cost you your job. If anybody ever wants to go that route I'd suggest getting a lawyer / interest group on your side from the get-go though.
    - krmmalik 14y ago
      I didn't feel yours was condescending at all. I guess we agree that people don't change ;-)

VexXtreme 14y ago

I totally agree with this. I had to deal with a situation like this at one point in time, where my manager was dictatorial, unreasonable and extremely defensive and saw every suggestion as an attack on his authority and would immediately run upstairs to the upper management and write people up. When I saw that normal dialogue was not possible with this kind of person, I decided to start agreeing with him on everything and made sure he wouldn't perceive me as a threat anymore. It completely killed any chance for positive feedback on my part but it also protected me from his outbursts because I wasn't giving him a reason to see me as a threat to his authority anymore. Going to their bosses does nothing and more likely than not, you will be perceived as a moaner and troublemaker and may get yourself into even more trouble. They are holding those positions because the management TRUSTS THEM. They are also in charge of keeping their people in check.　Also, if the organization was any good, they wouldn't be putting people into these kinds of situations in the first place. Bide your time, look for work elsewhere (or wait until your project is over and get reassigned to a different team) and absolutely do not confront anybody unless you're prepared to walk right then and there if things go south (and they probably will). Shitty people/organizations don't change. Moving on is usually the correct course of action.

mtrimpe 14y ago

I guess it also depends on what kind of person you are. I experienced something like this recently and I did stand up for myself. It did cost several people I cared about their jobs, it didn't cause the company to change much and the personal cost was very high, but in the end I'm still glad we stood up for our principles.

krmmalik 14y ago
I don't intend to sound facetious or condescending, but walking away would have been as good a way of standing up for your principles. At least in my opinion. Don't get me wrong. I've had more than my fair share of confrontations too, but you start to realise that that there are better ways to maintain your principles.
- mtrimpe 14y ago
  Your comment isn't condescending at all; re-reading mine it might actually have across as such. I think we're actually talking about different degrees of transgressions. I guess I wanted to say that if you feel the behaviour is too far out of line, say systemic overt discrimination or such, to also not be afraid to make a stand, speak up and accept that it might cost you your job. If anybody ever wants to go that route I'd suggest getting a lawyer / interest group on your side from the get-go though.
  - krmmalik 14y ago
    I didn't feel yours was condescending at all. I guess we agree that people don't change ;-)