I agree. One of the things I've learned over time is that when I have lost my cool like this, 100% of the time it has been a direct result of me not being open

I agree. One of the things I've learned over time is that when I have lost my cool like this, 100% of the time it has been a direct result of me not being open enough with my boss or coworkers. "HEY! STOP! LISTEN TO ME!" is frustration in another area "coming out sideways". For her, it might be ambient frustration at this sort of insulting behavior that finally bubbles up to the surface and is expressed poorly. I have made it a habit, when I'm being frustrated or otherwise impacted by something, to bring it up directly and immediately. You're not doing anyone any favors by suffering in silence. Just the opposite. You're hurting yourself, your boss & coworkers, and your company by not piping up immediately.