@elliptic's complaint is not about embarrassment, it's about respecting people's conceptions of appropriateness. For example, if he likes to keep work strictly

@elliptic's complaint is not about embarrassment, it's about respecting people's conceptions of appropriateness. For example, if he likes to keep work strictly separate from the rest of his life, having anything delivered to his home that isn't strictly necessary would be a violation of his principles and therefore a gesture of disrespect. For another example, people with Asperger's can look embarrassed when you violate their rules. But the symptoms that neurotypicals tend to interpret as embarrassment can just as well be a sign of deep indignation. Actually caring for a person means respecting their opinions and preferences, up to and including a preference for an utterly unmemorable day at work, or a preference that their boss does not exploit unfair advantages.