I have absolutely no problem doing whatever I like to hardware that is stolen from me. However, mere spying doesn't get the message across. I'd prefer to brick

I have absolutely no problem doing whatever I like to hardware that is stolen from me. However, mere spying doesn't get the message across. I'd prefer to brick the unit. A nice fast erasure of the firmware would be good, though reflashing the unit to display an "I'm stolen" message would be better. You could even request payment for an unlock ("This is stolen, but you can buy it from me.")