8 ms·

A Non-Negotiator’s Guide to Negotiating

93 points by projuce 13y ago

dongsheng 13y ago
Well written, the mindset is more important than negotiating skills.
- fecak 13y ago
  Well written, but the title isn't at all accurate (this is hardly a guide) - more appropriately "Two Things to Consider Before and While Negotiating". I think having the proper mindset is important as well, but the mindset as she describes it seems more about managing expectations than about being an effective negotiator. This advice may help your approach but once a negotiation begins this content won't be very helpful.
Ovid 13y ago
While I loved the sentiment, that was woefully brief and seemed to focus mostly on buying a good, such as a car or toaster. Here's a larger guide. If you think you're close in price, the first person to name a price usually loses For example, if you want to hire someone to do recruiting for you, if they say they charge X% of a candidates salary, you might find out that X% is less than what you were willing to pay. Win! (Assuming you trust their competence). This isn't always true, though. If you think someone is willing to offer 25K on a contract and you start our with 75K (even though you'd settle for 40K), you might radically readjust their thinking of the value. Car salesmen do this all the time when they tell you that $5,000 car is selling for $13,000. Isolate the other side's true objections to completing the deal, not the irrelevant fluff (this is hard) If someone says "I don't know, your software doesn't implement X", they might be using this as a negotiating ploy and not as a real objection. Your response might be "so you're saying that if we implement X, you'll sign the contract?" If they say "yes", you have a real objection to work on. Otherwise, you may have to do more digging. Most people won't agree until you've asked them several times, usually in different ways. People rarely say "yes" the first time, but you can't just repeat "will you buy this now?" five times. Instead, when they don't say "yes", you need to spend time isolating their objections or trying to build more rapport. Only budge in small amounts I've seen this kill so many deals. If you're selling a project for 10K and you're suddenly willing to drop to 6K, the other side will very reasonably start questioning the actual value. If they're stuck on price (really bad!), and you say well, what if I can get management to agree to 9.8K? That's setting up expectations of not having much wiggle room in price and that perhaps the price is actually fair. Compromise This can be hard if you're just selling a toaster, but if there are several aspects to a deal, try to balance them. For example, if your customer insists upon only paying 7K for that 10K product, but you also offer support for three years, try saying "what if I can get you 9.1K, but as a compromise, you allow the support contract to only run for a year?" Notice that you're still not dropping your price much (keeping them in the realm of "we have real value in this product"), but you're trying to meet their immediate need (price) and they help you out by letting you lower some other costs. Sell on value, not price Critical! There's a reason people still pay for Microsoft Office rather than simply adopting the free alternatives: for many people's needs, MS Office is simply a better value. Once you convince someone of the value of something, everything else is much, much easier. If your business plan revolves around "cheaper than all of our competitors", you've already lost. It's often OK if you're cheaper than your competitors ... your clients will discover this ... but they won't buy if they're not sold on value. In fact, many have discovered that higher prices often convince people of higher value even though it's not manifestly true. I know of one person (who I am obviously not going to name) whose business was dying, even though he offered a very competitive product. He got frustrated one day and jacked his prices through the roof. Sales increased magnificently and now he has a large staff and is developing multiple products.
- tanujb 13y ago
  Very well written Ovid! I was about to write my own guide based on my experience, but I scrapped it after seeing your answer. I see we agree on point 2. But the Number 1 point I think is to identify when you are in a negotiation and when you are in an impasse. To me a negotiation is when you both know there is a middle ground, and are both trying to find it. An impasse is when the colloquial unstoppable force meets the immovable object. For example, theists and atheists(not agnostics) will never fundamentally agree about the existence of a god. The time wasted and bitterness generated over this is just not worth it, and you should look at walking away if you can. How to identify if you're in an impasse? That's where point number 2 comes in. Identify what are the real objections and what is fluff. If the real objection is fundamentally opposite to yours and not merely orthogonal, then you have an impasse.
  - Ovid 13y ago
    Very nice reply. Wish I had thought to include that :)
- fecak 13y ago
  I would add a couple more here. First, having a willingness to walk away from the deal, and a number or point to do so, is key in my experience. Second, don't negotiate just because you think you should. I see this quite a bit with very young job seekers. They get an offer above their expectations and at or above perceived market rate, and they feel they need to negotiate just because they think they should always negotiate. Lastly, have a sense of timing when negotiating. Let the other side think about things for a bit. Tell the other side you want to give it thought and let them believe that you may walk away from a deal.
  - Ovid 13y ago
    Yes. Always be willing to walk away from that deal (I should have pointed that out!), but make sure that if you're at the point where you've decided to do so, that it's impossible to get the other side past that point. Being at that point doesn't mean you'll stay there.
tanujb 13y ago
This article is more like an appetizer and not a meal. The author's basically telling us to not be afraid of negotiations because they're an opportunity to gain something not just one to lose something. That's the only idea I got from there. Even splitting it into two epiphanies seems like overkill.
StavrosK 13y ago
This is probably a more in-depth list: http://www.summarist.net/book/secrets-of-power-negotiating-15th-anniversary-edition-inside-secrets-from-a-master-negotiator/ http://www.summarist.net/book/secrets-of-power-negotiating-1...
- setrofim_ 13y ago
  It seems to me that some of these (e.g. "always flinch at the first offer") will be immediately seen as obvious negotiating ploys and will make the other party question (or even dismiss) anything else you might have to say.
  - nnq 13y ago
    Don't you think that by showing that you have negotiation skills, even by employing more or less obvious ploys, you actually show the other part you can play the game just as well as they can? ...so they can stop trying to out-game you and they can start thinking about offers that really make sense both for you and for them. ...I think a lot of business deals start to make more sense once you "de-gamificate" them: you show the other part that "gaming" tricks won't work in this negotiation because you're on the same level as they are on using them, so both parties can now concentrate on a compromise offer that provides the best "real value" for both! I know, "make more sense" doesn't mean "make more money", but you end up with more satisfied customers and you end up doing business in segment of the market where there's less "gaming" to waste your energy on, so you can concentrate on improving and diversifying products or forging better customer relations. Maybe the best way to "win" a negotiation is to "kill" it, i.e. turn it into something that's no longer a negotiation, where it's obvious that no one side can "win", no fucking way, so both parties can concentrate on the best possible compromise. (Yeah, the "pro gamers" will never want to do business with you again an will try to keep you away from any of their future businesses and negotiations, because your ways are "bad for business", but maybe this is not the segment you want to play in in the first place!)
    - setrofim_ 13y ago
      Don't you think that by showing that you have negotiation skills, even by employing more or less obvious ploys, you actually show the other part you can play the game just as well as they can? ...so they can stop trying to out-game you and they can start thinking about offers that really make sense both for you and for them. ...I think a lot of business deals start to make more sense once you "de-gamificate" them: you show the other part that "gaming" tricks won't work in this negotiation because you're on the same level as they are on using them, so both parties can now concentrate on a compromise offer that provides the best "real value" for both! Yes, and that's what I have a problem with. I believe (very naively, I realise) that negotiations should _start_ with trying to find the "compromise offer that provides the best "real value"". What you seem to be suggesting (if I understand you correctly) is that one should first try to con the opposing party unless they're in on the game, in which case you move on to a "proper" negotiation. Whenever I see someone trying to do that to me, my immediate impulse is to kill the negotiation and walk away right there (perhaps go try to find someone less slimy to deal with). And I do realise that this can result in me losing out and I probably wouldn't last long in business, but cheap manipulation is something I just can't stomach. I guess that's why I'm a developer and not a businessman... Maybe the best way to "win" a negotiation is to "kill" it, i.e. turn it into something that's no longer a negotiation, where it's obvious that no one side can "win", no fucking way, so both parties can concentrate on the best possible compromise. That pretty much has been my "tactic" in the past. I realise that this means I miss out on dealing with the "pro gamers", but, well, fuck'em.
Gravityloss 13y ago
I recognize a lot of the same things that pop up when pyramid schemes are exposed. They're filled with men who think they can somehow extract huge value with their personal deal making skills. It is striking how few women do that.
spodek 13y ago
Getting to Yes is the book on negotiation. I'm surprised someone didn't mention it already, but I'll get the karma points instead. If you haven't read it, it will likely become one of the more important books on business and give-and-take interactions you read. We all negotiate every day, on things like prices and salaries, but also what movie to go to or what restaurant to eat at. This book helps in all these areas. It transformed negotiation from me from something I didn't like to a human and essential part of business. - A few words I wrote on the book -- http://joshuaspodek.com/top-models-strategies-negotiating http://joshuaspodek.com/top-models-strategies-negotiating - Wikipedia page -- http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Getting_to_yes http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Getting_to_yes - Amazon -- http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=getting+to+yes http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss?url=search-alias%3Dap... Here are the main strategic points, for reference 1. Separate the people from the problem. 2. Focus on interests, not positions. 3. Invent options for mutual gain. 4. Insist on using objective criteria. 5. Know your BATNA (Best Alternative To Negotiated Agreement) 6. Always try to improve your BATNA.
- wslh 13y ago
  It is important to note that this book and others talk about negotiating and reaching a win-win agreement but you can confront on situations where the other party is happy only in a win-loose situation. This aspect of negotiation change with culture.
- rscale 13y ago
  If you only get one book on negotiation, get Getting to Yes. If you get two books, get Bargaining for Advantage as well. Bargaining for advantage differs from Getting to Yes in that it's more of a tactical guide, and BFA's advice works not only in collaborative situations, but also in adversarial zero-sum negotiations. I truly understood the value of negotiation when I walked out of a happy vendor's boardroom having just cut my expenses by over $60,000 using a couple emails, a phone call, and a two-hour meeting.
  - kriro 13y ago
    BfA is my goto book, +1 on the recommendation
joshuaheard 13y ago
When I was a trial attorney, I wrote an article called, "Ten Rules of Negotiation". Here's a link to the pdf: https://skydrive.live.com/redir?resid=641BD45A41B1BD6C!645&authkey=!13VcuyIjd!I%24 https://skydrive.live.com/redir?resid=641BD45A41B1BD6C!645&#...
- jschulenklopper 13y ago
  Nice article. You might want to change this sentence though: > You can always go up, but never down (or vice versa). That last part radiates an inconsistent signal :-)
poundy 13y ago
This book was published last month in UK http://www.amazon.co.uk/The-Yes-Book-Better-Negotiation/dp/0753541092 http://www.amazon.co.uk/The-Yes-Book-Better-Negotiation/dp/0...
kyllo 13y ago
There are lots of little psychological tricks and bluffs that can be risky if the other party knows what you're doing. Regardless of those, I think the key is really: •Know what you want and don't be shy to ask for it •Know what you have that the other party wants I don't think a good negotiator is necessarily someone who gets the best deal on everything--especially if it requires a long, dragged-out negotiation, because that time and stress is also a cost. Rather, it's someone who knows what they have, knows what they want, and can turn the former into the latter at a high rate of success, and with positive net value gain to him or herself.
mdmarra 13y ago
Should have been titled A Non-Negotiator's Guide to Negotiating: Become a Negotiator
orangethirty 13y ago
The book "You can negotiate anything" is also a pretty good resource. Its an older book. Includes techniques I have not read elsewhere. Its actually more of a social engineering approach to negotiation, but it works like a charm.
Mz 13y ago
I had a college class on "Negotiation and Conflict Management." Getting to Yes was one of the required texts for that class. It is research-based and short. So adding my voice to the chorus of recommendations. Our other text was The mind and heart of the negotiator. It is a much meatier book and also reasearch-based. I highly recommend it as well.

93 points by projuce 13y ago

dongsheng 13y ago

Well written, the mindset is more important than negotiating skills.

fecak 13y ago
Well written, but the title isn't at all accurate (this is hardly a guide) - more appropriately "Two Things to Consider Before and While Negotiating". I think having the proper mindset is important as well, but the mindset as she describes it seems more about managing expectations than about being an effective negotiator. This advice may help your approach but once a negotiation begins this content won't be very helpful.

Ovid 13y ago

While I loved the sentiment, that was woefully brief and seemed to focus mostly on buying a good, such as a car or toaster. Here's a larger guide. If you think you're close in price, the first person to name a price usually loses For example, if you want to hire someone to do recruiting for you, if they say they charge X% of a candidates salary, you might find out that X% is less than what you were willing to pay. Win! (Assuming you trust their competence). This isn't always true, though. If you think someone is willing to offer 25K on a contract and you start our with 75K (even though you'd settle for 40K), you might radically readjust their thinking of the value. Car salesmen do this all the time when they tell you that $5,000 car is selling for $13,000. Isolate the other side's true objections to completing the deal, not the irrelevant fluff (this is hard) If someone says "I don't know, your software doesn't implement X", they might be using this as a negotiating ploy and not as a real objection. Your response might be "so you're saying that if we implement X, you'll sign the contract?" If they say "yes", you have a real objection to work on. Otherwise, you may have to do more digging. Most people won't agree until you've asked them several times, usually in different ways. People rarely say "yes" the first time, but you can't just repeat "will you buy this now?" five times. Instead, when they don't say "yes", you need to spend time isolating their objections or trying to build more rapport. Only budge in small amounts I've seen this kill so many deals. If you're selling a project for 10K and you're suddenly willing to drop to 6K, the other side will very reasonably start questioning the actual value. If they're stuck on price (really bad!), and you say well, what if I can get management to agree to 9.8K? That's setting up expectations of not having much wiggle room in price and that perhaps the price is actually fair. Compromise This can be hard if you're just selling a toaster, but if there are several aspects to a deal, try to balance them. For example, if your customer insists upon only paying 7K for that 10K product, but you also offer support for three years, try saying "what if I can get you 9.1K, but as a compromise, you allow the support contract to only run for a year?" Notice that you're still not dropping your price much (keeping them in the realm of "we have real value in this product"), but you're trying to meet their immediate need (price) and they help you out by letting you lower some other costs. Sell on value, not price Critical! There's a reason people still pay for Microsoft Office rather than simply adopting the free alternatives: for many people's needs, MS Office is simply a better value. Once you convince someone of the value of something, everything else is much, much easier. If your business plan revolves around "cheaper than all of our competitors", you've already lost. It's often OK if you're cheaper than your competitors ... your clients will discover this ... but they won't buy if they're not sold on value. In fact, many have discovered that higher prices often convince people of higher value even though it's not manifestly true. I know of one person (who I am obviously not going to name) whose business was dying, even though he offered a very competitive product. He got frustrated one day and jacked his prices through the roof. Sales increased magnificently and now he has a large staff and is developing multiple products.

tanujb 13y ago
Very well written Ovid! I was about to write my own guide based on my experience, but I scrapped it after seeing your answer. I see we agree on point 2. But the Number 1 point I think is to identify when you are in a negotiation and when you are in an impasse. To me a negotiation is when you both know there is a middle ground, and are both trying to find it. An impasse is when the colloquial unstoppable force meets the immovable object. For example, theists and atheists(not agnostics) will never fundamentally agree about the existence of a god. The time wasted and bitterness generated over this is just not worth it, and you should look at walking away if you can. How to identify if you're in an impasse? That's where point number 2 comes in. Identify what are the real objections and what is fluff. If the real objection is fundamentally opposite to yours and not merely orthogonal, then you have an impasse.
- Ovid 13y ago
  Very nice reply. Wish I had thought to include that :)
fecak 13y ago
I would add a couple more here. First, having a willingness to walk away from the deal, and a number or point to do so, is key in my experience. Second, don't negotiate just because you think you should. I see this quite a bit with very young job seekers. They get an offer above their expectations and at or above perceived market rate, and they feel they need to negotiate just because they think they should always negotiate. Lastly, have a sense of timing when negotiating. Let the other side think about things for a bit. Tell the other side you want to give it thought and let them believe that you may walk away from a deal.
- Ovid 13y ago
  Yes. Always be willing to walk away from that deal (I should have pointed that out!), but make sure that if you're at the point where you've decided to do so, that it's impossible to get the other side past that point. Being at that point doesn't mean you'll stay there.

tanujb 13y ago

This article is more like an appetizer and not a meal. The author's basically telling us to not be afraid of negotiations because they're an opportunity to gain something not just one to lose something. That's the only idea I got from there. Even splitting it into two epiphanies seems like overkill.

StavrosK 13y ago

This is probably a more in-depth list: http://www.summarist.net/book/secrets-of-power-negotiating-15th-anniversary-edition-inside-secrets-from-a-master-negotiator/ http://www.summarist.net/book/secrets-of-power-negotiating-1...

setrofim_ 13y ago
It seems to me that some of these (e.g. "always flinch at the first offer") will be immediately seen as obvious negotiating ploys and will make the other party question (or even dismiss) anything else you might have to say.
- nnq 13y ago
  Don't you think that by showing that you have negotiation skills, even by employing more or less obvious ploys, you actually show the other part you can play the game just as well as they can? ...so they can stop trying to out-game you and they can start thinking about offers that really make sense both for you and for them. ...I think a lot of business deals start to make more sense once you "de-gamificate" them: you show the other part that "gaming" tricks won't work in this negotiation because you're on the same level as they are on using them, so both parties can now concentrate on a compromise offer that provides the best "real value" for both! I know, "make more sense" doesn't mean "make more money", but you end up with more satisfied customers and you end up doing business in segment of the market where there's less "gaming" to waste your energy on, so you can concentrate on improving and diversifying products or forging better customer relations. Maybe the best way to "win" a negotiation is to "kill" it, i.e. turn it into something that's no longer a negotiation, where it's obvious that no one side can "win", no fucking way, so both parties can concentrate on the best possible compromise. (Yeah, the "pro gamers" will never want to do business with you again an will try to keep you away from any of their future businesses and negotiations, because your ways are "bad for business", but maybe this is not the segment you want to play in in the first place!)
  - setrofim_ 13y ago
    Don't you think that by showing that you have negotiation skills, even by employing more or less obvious ploys, you actually show the other part you can play the game just as well as they can? ...so they can stop trying to out-game you and they can start thinking about offers that really make sense both for you and for them. ...I think a lot of business deals start to make more sense once you "de-gamificate" them: you show the other part that "gaming" tricks won't work in this negotiation because you're on the same level as they are on using them, so both parties can now concentrate on a compromise offer that provides the best "real value" for both! Yes, and that's what I have a problem with. I believe (very naively, I realise) that negotiations should _start_ with trying to find the "compromise offer that provides the best "real value"". What you seem to be suggesting (if I understand you correctly) is that one should first try to con the opposing party unless they're in on the game, in which case you move on to a "proper" negotiation. Whenever I see someone trying to do that to me, my immediate impulse is to kill the negotiation and walk away right there (perhaps go try to find someone less slimy to deal with). And I do realise that this can result in me losing out and I probably wouldn't last long in business, but cheap manipulation is something I just can't stomach. I guess that's why I'm a developer and not a businessman... Maybe the best way to "win" a negotiation is to "kill" it, i.e. turn it into something that's no longer a negotiation, where it's obvious that no one side can "win", no fucking way, so both parties can concentrate on the best possible compromise. That pretty much has been my "tactic" in the past. I realise that this means I miss out on dealing with the "pro gamers", but, well, fuck'em.

Gravityloss 13y ago

I recognize a lot of the same things that pop up when pyramid schemes are exposed. They're filled with men who think they can somehow extract huge value with their personal deal making skills. It is striking how few women do that.

spodek 13y ago

Getting to Yes is the book on negotiation. I'm surprised someone didn't mention it already, but I'll get the karma points instead. If you haven't read it, it will likely become one of the more important books on business and give-and-take interactions you read. We all negotiate every day, on things like prices and salaries, but also what movie to go to or what restaurant to eat at. This book helps in all these areas. It transformed negotiation from me from something I didn't like to a human and essential part of business. - A few words I wrote on the book -- http://joshuaspodek.com/top-models-strategies-negotiating http://joshuaspodek.com/top-models-strategies-negotiating - Wikipedia page -- http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Getting_to_yes http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Getting_to_yes - Amazon -- http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=getting+to+yes http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss?url=search-alias%3Dap... Here are the main strategic points, for reference 1. Separate the people from the problem. 2. Focus on interests, not positions. 3. Invent options for mutual gain. 4. Insist on using objective criteria. 5. Know your BATNA (Best Alternative To Negotiated Agreement) 6. Always try to improve your BATNA.

wslh 13y ago
It is important to note that this book and others talk about negotiating and reaching a win-win agreement but you can confront on situations where the other party is happy only in a win-loose situation. This aspect of negotiation change with culture.
rscale 13y ago
If you only get one book on negotiation, get Getting to Yes. If you get two books, get Bargaining for Advantage as well. Bargaining for advantage differs from Getting to Yes in that it's more of a tactical guide, and BFA's advice works not only in collaborative situations, but also in adversarial zero-sum negotiations. I truly understood the value of negotiation when I walked out of a happy vendor's boardroom having just cut my expenses by over $60,000 using a couple emails, a phone call, and a two-hour meeting.
- kriro 13y ago
  BfA is my goto book, +1 on the recommendation

joshuaheard 13y ago

When I was a trial attorney, I wrote an article called, "Ten Rules of Negotiation". Here's a link to the pdf: https://skydrive.live.com/redir?resid=641BD45A41B1BD6C!645&authkey=!13VcuyIjd!I%24 https://skydrive.live.com/redir?resid=641BD45A41B1BD6C!645&#...

jschulenklopper 13y ago
Nice article. You might want to change this sentence though: > You can always go up, but never down (or vice versa). That last part radiates an inconsistent signal :-)

poundy 13y ago

This book was published last month in UK http://www.amazon.co.uk/The-Yes-Book-Better-Negotiation/dp/0753541092 http://www.amazon.co.uk/The-Yes-Book-Better-Negotiation/dp/0...

kyllo 13y ago

There are lots of little psychological tricks and bluffs that can be risky if the other party knows what you're doing. Regardless of those, I think the key is really: •Know what you want and don't be shy to ask for it •Know what you have that the other party wants I don't think a good negotiator is necessarily someone who gets the best deal on everything--especially if it requires a long, dragged-out negotiation, because that time and stress is also a cost. Rather, it's someone who knows what they have, knows what they want, and can turn the former into the latter at a high rate of success, and with positive net value gain to him or herself.

mdmarra 13y ago

Should have been titled A Non-Negotiator's Guide to Negotiating: Become a Negotiator

orangethirty 13y ago

The book "You can negotiate anything" is also a pretty good resource. Its an older book. Includes techniques I have not read elsewhere. Its actually more of a social engineering approach to negotiation, but it works like a charm.

Mz 13y ago

I had a college class on "Negotiation and Conflict Management." Getting to Yes was one of the required texts for that class. It is research-based and short. So adding my voice to the chorus of recommendations. Our other text was The mind and heart of the negotiator. It is a much meatier book and also reasearch-based. I highly recommend it as well.