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Losing someone close is really hard. I am not good at eulogies, but I lost my grandfather to cancer earlier this year and for some reason I wasn't able to funct

by sgpl 14y ago

Losing someone close is really hard. I am not good at eulogies, but I lost my grandfather to cancer earlier this year and for some reason I wasn't able to function at all for the coming few weeks. I grew up in a joint family and he was a constant positive presence in my life growing up; but after moving away for school/college, I hadn't had much real-life interaction with him except for phone calls/holidays. As a recent college graduate, who was a few weeks into a new entry level job, I had to take a break because this was the single most depressing period in my life. I had never experienced death of a close relative or friend before this, and for some reason I never thought death could be that painful. I had imagining it akin to a really bad breakup, but it was much uglier and painful. I think the single worst thing is coming to the realization that they are just gone. I can never again hug him, hear his him laughing, talk to him about the n number of awesome shared experiences, or just enjoy another moment with him. I still haven't fully dealt with this as I am not sure there is a protocol for dealing with such events except picking yourself up and keeping your mind engaged other stuff till you don't feel that much grief. I guess another approach is to push grief into the background and celebrate the life lived. Good luck to the OP dealing with this loss.

eddieroger 14y ago
I know this pain, and mine comes from a similar place. My grandma lived with my family for my entire life, and she was always there for me, sometimes before my parents. I didn't call her as frequently as I would have liked during college (or my parents, for that matter), but I have atoned for those sins, and got better as I finished school and started my adult, not-living-at-home life. After her first heart attack, I called her twice a day until she was home, then nightly since, with rare exception. We were both the night owls of the family, so talking to her was how I ended my day. She passed just over a year ago, and I still get overwhelmingly sad when I consider that every day is one longer than the the longest since I've talked to her. Saying I miss my grandma puts it in too easy a light. I keep an alarm set on my phone for the time of the night when I would call her. It's not the same, obviously, but it's a little time set aside to think of her. I honestly don't know how to deal with it, either. I think being 29 before losing your first really close loved one is a double-edged sword. On the one hand, I got nearly 30 years with my grandma - time I wouldn't trade for anything. On the other hand, I'm a grown man who can't deal with death. I think you're right - a big part of it is just continuing to move forward. Because, like it or not, the world doesn't stop spinning, even though it feels like it just did. One last anecdote - when we knew grandma was in the hospital and probably never leaving, I went to pick up my cousins and take them to say goodbye. We stopped to get some flowers, and I remember looking at everyone at the store and thinking how could normal the rest of the world felt, whereas I felt like my world was ending. Alas, it doesn't. Sometimes you cry. Sometimes you laugh. But you never stop.
nickpresta 14y ago
My story is almost the same as yours - I lost him in my last year, not my first year post-graduation. There isn't a day that goes by where I don't think about him, or miss him. However, I notice a lot now, almost 2 years later, that some of him lives on in me; the jokes that I tell, the reactions to some events, are from him. I hope you find peace and remember that they aren't really gone if you let them live on in their own special way.

by sgpl 14y ago

eddieroger 14y ago

I know this pain, and mine comes from a similar place. My grandma lived with my family for my entire life, and she was always there for me, sometimes before my parents. I didn't call her as frequently as I would have liked during college (or my parents, for that matter), but I have atoned for those sins, and got better as I finished school and started my adult, not-living-at-home life. After her first heart attack, I called her twice a day until she was home, then nightly since, with rare exception. We were both the night owls of the family, so talking to her was how I ended my day. She passed just over a year ago, and I still get overwhelmingly sad when I consider that every day is one longer than the the longest since I've talked to her. Saying I miss my grandma puts it in too easy a light. I keep an alarm set on my phone for the time of the night when I would call her. It's not the same, obviously, but it's a little time set aside to think of her. I honestly don't know how to deal with it, either. I think being 29 before losing your first really close loved one is a double-edged sword. On the one hand, I got nearly 30 years with my grandma - time I wouldn't trade for anything. On the other hand, I'm a grown man who can't deal with death. I think you're right - a big part of it is just continuing to move forward. Because, like it or not, the world doesn't stop spinning, even though it feels like it just did. One last anecdote - when we knew grandma was in the hospital and probably never leaving, I went to pick up my cousins and take them to say goodbye. We stopped to get some flowers, and I remember looking at everyone at the store and thinking how could normal the rest of the world felt, whereas I felt like my world was ending. Alas, it doesn't. Sometimes you cry. Sometimes you laugh. But you never stop.

nickpresta 14y ago

My story is almost the same as yours - I lost him in my last year, not my first year post-graduation. There isn't a day that goes by where I don't think about him, or miss him. However, I notice a lot now, almost 2 years later, that some of him lives on in me; the jokes that I tell, the reactions to some events, are from him. I hope you find peace and remember that they aren't really gone if you let them live on in their own special way.