Sure, but the fact that you don't break down crying (or go on a killing spree) when someone goes out of their way to hurt your feelings shows a level of control

Sure, but the fact that you don't break down crying (or go on a killing spree) when someone goes out of their way to hurt your feelings shows a level of control already. I think there's a level of practice and analysis that has to happen: someone goes out of their way to make a cutting remark and you can recognize, with practice, that they're manipulating your emotions, or projecting their own feelings, or whatever. And of course some people are more naturally resilient than others.