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> she's forced to stop focusing on the tech, stop focusing on doing her job, and instead focus on the people behind her Assuming that this was true - she was s

> she's forced to stop focusing on the tech, stop focusing on doing her job, and instead focus on the people behind her Assuming that this was true - she was so overwhelmed by jokes about a dongle that she could not concentrate on the conference - she could have easily turned around and told them that the conversation made her uncomfortable. She did not have to, and should not have, publicly shamed them for a private joke. > whether she's safe in the space Where does this come from? It was a joke about a dongle. Anatomy. Even if it was sexual, which is questionable, she was not threatened. They never threatened her. They never gave her lewd looks. They were never a threat to her or other people at the conference.

erikpukinskis 14y ago
> She did not have to, and should not have, publicly shamed them for a private joke Why shouldn't she have? It's harmful to the community. Until we, as a group, create a culture of publicly standing up to these things, and supporting those who do, they won't change. > she was not threatened Sexist jokes come in a wide range of shapes and sizes. In our culture, women are usually blamed for violence against them. They are held responsible for the company they keep, and the situations they get themselves into. But the truth is, there is NO reliable way to tell whether a man, or a situation is truly safe for you. Friends, people you're dating, colleagues, private parties, worksplaces all can go from "seems save" to "violent" in the blink of an eye. As such, women are forced to develop a set of vague signals that they must be constantly vigilant of. One of those signals is how men use and respond to sexist jokes. By telling sexist jokes, you are engaging many womens' Safety Detection System.
dalke 14y ago
Why do say it's a private joke? If it was private, no one else would have heard it. It was joke between two people but told in the open, where others could and did hear it. It was in a semi-public venue, open to some 2000+ people who had purchased a ticket, with no expectation of extra privacy, where the number of cameras was likely more than the number of attendees (phone and laptop camera), and likely with several (laptop) microphones within 10 feet of them. That is not private.

erikpukinskis 14y ago

> She did not have to, and should not have, publicly shamed them for a private joke Why shouldn't she have? It's harmful to the community. Until we, as a group, create a culture of publicly standing up to these things, and supporting those who do, they won't change. > she was not threatened Sexist jokes come in a wide range of shapes and sizes. In our culture, women are usually blamed for violence against them. They are held responsible for the company they keep, and the situations they get themselves into. But the truth is, there is NO reliable way to tell whether a man, or a situation is truly safe for you. Friends, people you're dating, colleagues, private parties, worksplaces all can go from "seems save" to "violent" in the blink of an eye. As such, women are forced to develop a set of vague signals that they must be constantly vigilant of. One of those signals is how men use and respond to sexist jokes. By telling sexist jokes, you are engaging many womens' Safety Detection System.

dalke 14y ago

Why do say it's a private joke? If it was private, no one else would have heard it. It was joke between two people but told in the open, where others could and did hear it. It was in a semi-public venue, open to some 2000+ people who had purchased a ticket, with no expectation of extra privacy, where the number of cameras was likely more than the number of attendees (phone and laptop camera), and likely with several (laptop) microphones within 10 feet of them. That is not private.