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I'm honestly curious what this even has to do with women. That's what puzzles me most about this whole incident. Maybe I'm insensitive or ignorant. I'll admit

by nilkn 14y ago

I'm honestly curious what this even has to do with women. That's what puzzles me most about this whole incident. Maybe I'm insensitive or ignorant. I'll admit it if that's the case and learn. Right now, though, I just don't get it. I just don't see how a dongle joke is sexist. It's anatomical. It might have some mild sexual undertone, but there's a huge difference between sexism and a sexual undertone--they aren't the same thing at all. Maybe if I heard the exact joke it would help. But I've heard just as many penis jokes from women as I have men.

devilshaircut 14y ago
I agree with you that it is at worst an anatomical joke that is not funny and hasn't the slightest sexual undertone to it.
deleted 14y ago
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dfxm12 14y ago
You're correct. This isn't about women, just one woman in particular. If there's one thing women don't like, it's being lumped together and generalised... :P
btilly 14y ago
According to her account, the dongle joke came in a discussion of how the men would like to be thanked for having helped sponsor the conference. Shortly after they were making "forking" jokes riffing off of a conversation that she was in. When she was the only woman sitting near. If so (I am basing this on her account, so definitely an if here), then the sexual overtone is not that mild, and (rightly or wrongly) she appears to have felt personally targeted. Though in a way that is plausibly deniable. Does that help you understand why she might have had a strong emotional reaction? Of course the actual actions she took were the wrong ones to take, and caused the whole thing to go nuclear. But the way our brains are wired causes us, when feeling strong emotion, to skip all of our normal logic and self-control and just react. So what she did was highly unfortunate - definitely not what you want to see from your company's public face - but understandable.
xauronx 14y ago
Yeah, I think that's one of the more frustrating parts of this. My female friends make much more crude penis/anatomy jokes. It's almost like she's saying "talking about the penis around women is inappropriate", which to me is more sexist than anything. I think her real gripe was that they were being crude/unprofessional/immature, but she decided to take it in the sexist route for some reason.
- katbyte 14y ago
  you make a good point, he wasn't being sexist at all, in reality she was kinda the actual sexist one saying hey because i'm female, you can't say that.
MartinCron 14y ago
Since you're honestly curious and not just trying to argue: pervasive anatomical/sexual jokes are sometimes (not always) part of a hyper-sexualized environment that some (not all) women find intimidating and alienating and is generally considered to be a form of harassment.

by nilkn 14y ago

devilshaircut 14y ago

I agree with you that it is at worst an anatomical joke that is not funny and hasn't the slightest sexual undertone to it.

deleted 14y ago

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dfxm12 14y ago

You're correct. This isn't about women, just one woman in particular. If there's one thing women don't like, it's being lumped together and generalised... :P

btilly 14y ago

According to her account, the dongle joke came in a discussion of how the men would like to be thanked for having helped sponsor the conference. Shortly after they were making "forking" jokes riffing off of a conversation that she was in. When she was the only woman sitting near. If so (I am basing this on her account, so definitely an if here), then the sexual overtone is not that mild, and (rightly or wrongly) she appears to have felt personally targeted. Though in a way that is plausibly deniable. Does that help you understand why she might have had a strong emotional reaction? Of course the actual actions she took were the wrong ones to take, and caused the whole thing to go nuclear. But the way our brains are wired causes us, when feeling strong emotion, to skip all of our normal logic and self-control and just react. So what she did was highly unfortunate - definitely not what you want to see from your company's public face - but understandable.

xauronx 14y ago

Yeah, I think that's one of the more frustrating parts of this. My female friends make much more crude penis/anatomy jokes. It's almost like she's saying "talking about the penis around women is inappropriate", which to me is more sexist than anything. I think her real gripe was that they were being crude/unprofessional/immature, but she decided to take it in the sexist route for some reason.

katbyte 14y ago
you make a good point, he wasn't being sexist at all, in reality she was kinda the actual sexist one saying hey because i'm female, you can't say that.

MartinCron 14y ago

Since you're honestly curious and not just trying to argue: pervasive anatomical/sexual jokes are sometimes (not always) part of a hyper-sexualized environment that some (not all) women find intimidating and alienating and is generally considered to be a form of harassment.