I was under the impression that they were talking with her when they made the jokes. As such it is something that shouldn't be assumed to be okay and in fact is

I was under the impression that they were talking with her when they made the jokes. As such it is something that shouldn't be assumed to be okay and in fact is often hostile and exclusionary. The backlash and hatred, death threats and extreme harassment she got from reporting this to the con, as women are often advised to do rather than confront people directly, should be instructive to you all.