4 ms·

You absolutely nailed it with this comment. Was reading pieces of the debate out loud to my girlfriend, who is rather rational and intelligent but for some reas

by jenius 14y ago

You absolutely nailed it with this comment. Was reading pieces of the debate out loud to my girlfriend, who is rather rational and intelligent but for some reason still wants a diamond ring (and I couldn't really figure out why) - when I read this and looked over, I knew you got it 100% right. Well done.

rorrr 14y ago
Same with my wife. Told her about blood diamonds, and how the price is artificially inflated. She agreed. Still got the diamond ring.
Goronmon 14y ago
Yup, I've had a similar conversation. Basically came down to some variation on "I don't ask for a lot (she doesn't), but I want the diamond ring."
- kamaal 14y ago
  >>Basically came down to some variation on "I don't ask for a lot (she doesn't), but I want the diamond ring." As some one newly married, I have observed the following. 1. See <something>. Demand for it. 2. When rationally explained why we can't buy it. 3. Simply state.. "I don't ask for a lot, but I want the <something>." 4. I buy it. Repeat steps 1 - 4 endlessly.
  - rytis 14y ago
    Did you try modifying step 2 to something along these lines: "Great idea, I never thought about it, we really need <something>! Problem is, this particular model of <something> is not the best and will not do <something that something is supposed to do> very well. In fact I remember reading bad reviews about this. But fear not! We'll go home, spend some time reading review sites and will find a really good version of <something>." This will buy you some time, and might even look that YOU want it, which might even make it less appealing to your other half. Now, find a really expensive model of something, but at such price point that the rationality wins, even in someone who usually does not listen to your arguments (step 2). YMMV, but sometimes this tactic works out quite well.
  - seanp2k2 14y ago
    "actually I decided that I don't want to spend the rest of my life with someone who wants this badly to manipulate me to buy them something useless." There are a lot of girls out there you haven't met yet. Go find one who gets you.
    - overgryphon 14y ago
      Interesting assumption there that he is buying her something. Agreeing as a married couple whether to spend money on something doesn't indicate that it is his or her money, the discussion implies that money is shared. For all you know if could be all her money in terms of income. Of course if she wants it, it's useless.
      - transitionality 14y ago
        Gigolos servicing rich cougars don't ask for diamond rings.
  - petercooper 14y ago
    That sounds like the process with my 3 year old daughter ;-) (though never my wife, luckily)
peterarmstrong 14y ago
Yeah, the things that women do in order to outdo their female friends are expensive and pointless--almost as much so as the things that men do to outdo their male friends!
- nawitus 14y ago
  At least men tend to spend their own money to increase social status by buying more expensive cars and gadgets.
  - vadman 14y ago
    Well women spend their time and health bearing and nursing our (hopefully :) children. That's resources they could have dedicated to pumping their social status. So in the end it's fair I guess...
omegant 14y ago
Then buy used (the diamond) and pay for a nice ring design. But don't tell her.
- lesterbuck 14y ago
  My grandfather ran a grocery store throughout the Depression, and he accumulated a large selection of diamond rings from cash strapped customers. When my father and his brother were getting married, they had their choice of the rings. I've always wondered how other diamond rings get recycled or removed from the market. Diamonds are forever, after all, so why doesn't the price collapse from being awash in used stones from three or four generations of dead women?
  - jrmg 14y ago
    As we found out when looking for a ring, there is (perhaps manufactured) superstitious social stigma attached to using a used engagement ring. How do you know it's not from a failed marriage? Many jewelers were confused and incredulous when we asked about one. After a certain age is reached though, the stigma seems to go away somewhat. We got a 'vintage' ring (about 100 years old) in the end - but they're hard to find; you won't find them in most chain jewelry stores. Incidentally, the reason you don't see many used bands is different; the metals are worth so much now that it's more cost effective to melt them down than to resell them at the depressed price the market demands for used jewelry compared to new.
    - Thrall 14y ago
      > Many jewelers were confused and incredulous when we asked about one. Bear in mind that it is in the jeweller's interest to perpetuate such superstitions as it means they can persuade many customers to buy a new ring instead. Buying a diamonds as a romantic gesture, the buyer is vulnerable for two reasons: 1) They're unlikely to have much experience of buying jewellery; for many, this is the only occasion. 2) They probably feel very strongly about the gesture; it's very important that they get it right. Overspending pales beside the risk of offending the love of their life and/or subjecting them to negative judgement by their peers. As a result, it is all too easy for jewellers to intimidate the buyer by telling them exactly what is 'expected' and charging absurd prices for it.
blndcat 14y ago
No such problem in my case. I explained I was strongly against the idea for most of the reasons listed in the original article and it wasn't a negotiable point. Basically if she still wanted the diamond ring then she didn't understand me well enough to be married to me. I didn't get all RMS-esque about it, but somethings are under our control, some aren't. It is one of those things that was. We got order-made platinum wedding rings instead.

by jenius 14y ago

rorrr 14y ago

Same with my wife. Told her about blood diamonds, and how the price is artificially inflated. She agreed. Still got the diamond ring.

Goronmon 14y ago

Yup, I've had a similar conversation. Basically came down to some variation on "I don't ask for a lot (she doesn't), but I want the diamond ring."

kamaal 14y ago
>>Basically came down to some variation on "I don't ask for a lot (she doesn't), but I want the diamond ring." As some one newly married, I have observed the following. 1. See <something>. Demand for it. 2. When rationally explained why we can't buy it. 3. Simply state.. "I don't ask for a lot, but I want the <something>." 4. I buy it. Repeat steps 1 - 4 endlessly.
- rytis 14y ago
  Did you try modifying step 2 to something along these lines: "Great idea, I never thought about it, we really need <something>! Problem is, this particular model of <something> is not the best and will not do <something that something is supposed to do> very well. In fact I remember reading bad reviews about this. But fear not! We'll go home, spend some time reading review sites and will find a really good version of <something>." This will buy you some time, and might even look that YOU want it, which might even make it less appealing to your other half. Now, find a really expensive model of something, but at such price point that the rationality wins, even in someone who usually does not listen to your arguments (step 2). YMMV, but sometimes this tactic works out quite well.
- seanp2k2 14y ago
  "actually I decided that I don't want to spend the rest of my life with someone who wants this badly to manipulate me to buy them something useless." There are a lot of girls out there you haven't met yet. Go find one who gets you.
  - overgryphon 14y ago
    Interesting assumption there that he is buying her something. Agreeing as a married couple whether to spend money on something doesn't indicate that it is his or her money, the discussion implies that money is shared. For all you know if could be all her money in terms of income. Of course if she wants it, it's useless.
    - transitionality 14y ago
      Gigolos servicing rich cougars don't ask for diamond rings.
- petercooper 14y ago
  That sounds like the process with my 3 year old daughter ;-) (though never my wife, luckily)

peterarmstrong 14y ago

Yeah, the things that women do in order to outdo their female friends are expensive and pointless--almost as much so as the things that men do to outdo their male friends!

nawitus 14y ago
At least men tend to spend their own money to increase social status by buying more expensive cars and gadgets.
- vadman 14y ago
  Well women spend their time and health bearing and nursing our (hopefully :) children. That's resources they could have dedicated to pumping their social status. So in the end it's fair I guess...

omegant 14y ago

Then buy used (the diamond) and pay for a nice ring design. But don't tell her.

lesterbuck 14y ago
My grandfather ran a grocery store throughout the Depression, and he accumulated a large selection of diamond rings from cash strapped customers. When my father and his brother were getting married, they had their choice of the rings. I've always wondered how other diamond rings get recycled or removed from the market. Diamonds are forever, after all, so why doesn't the price collapse from being awash in used stones from three or four generations of dead women?
- jrmg 14y ago
  As we found out when looking for a ring, there is (perhaps manufactured) superstitious social stigma attached to using a used engagement ring. How do you know it's not from a failed marriage? Many jewelers were confused and incredulous when we asked about one. After a certain age is reached though, the stigma seems to go away somewhat. We got a 'vintage' ring (about 100 years old) in the end - but they're hard to find; you won't find them in most chain jewelry stores. Incidentally, the reason you don't see many used bands is different; the metals are worth so much now that it's more cost effective to melt them down than to resell them at the depressed price the market demands for used jewelry compared to new.
  - Thrall 14y ago
    > Many jewelers were confused and incredulous when we asked about one. Bear in mind that it is in the jeweller's interest to perpetuate such superstitions as it means they can persuade many customers to buy a new ring instead. Buying a diamonds as a romantic gesture, the buyer is vulnerable for two reasons: 1) They're unlikely to have much experience of buying jewellery; for many, this is the only occasion. 2) They probably feel very strongly about the gesture; it's very important that they get it right. Overspending pales beside the risk of offending the love of their life and/or subjecting them to negative judgement by their peers. As a result, it is all too easy for jewellers to intimidate the buyer by telling them exactly what is 'expected' and charging absurd prices for it.

blndcat 14y ago

No such problem in my case. I explained I was strongly against the idea for most of the reasons listed in the original article and it wasn't a negotiable point. Basically if she still wanted the diamond ring then she didn't understand me well enough to be married to me. I didn't get all RMS-esque about it, but somethings are under our control, some aren't. It is one of those things that was. We got order-made platinum wedding rings instead.