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I am torn. On the one hand, running a startup is a very stressful experience even when things go relatively well. And they almost never do, so it's usually plai

I am torn. On the one hand, running a startup is a very stressful experience even when things go relatively well. And they almost never do, so it's usually plain hell. It's great to have somewhere to turn to even if it's just to vent. On the other hand, I can't help but think that self-pity is getting a bit out of hand in our community lately. Startups aren't a sickness (unlike alcoholism for example). Starting one is a choice we are all making fully aware that failure is the expected outcome. Rather than writing and upvoting stories about how bad we have it, maybe we should be seeking a different outlook that embraces the fact that those "terrible" events are just part of our job. Much like patients dying is a part of doctor's job (which you have to admit is a lot worse than your startup dying).

calibraxis 14y ago
You know, my professional network is partly based on me listening to people angry enough at their startups (which they didn't found) that they're starting their own. :) I listen to them like I've wanted to be listened to, offer validation if they seem to want it. ("Yeah, that level of 'insanity' is completely normal, I've seen it. Fear of financial doom changes people, brings out the worst in them. You've clearly gone out of your way change things, and they just insult you, so you don't owe them. And their strategy sounds fucked to me too.") Then I ask my network to help them at trouble-points. Worried your investor's pulling out because your great CTO's legally tied up for a couple months and can only work nights? I'm emailing people that night, and we're meeting that insightful contractor together tomorrow. (And my network is pretty small, but it's increasingly getting get the job done.) And I'll remember that you know an effective lawyer, and will probably want to find good people with domain experience in X in a few months... There are just so many open connections left hanging in the universe, and it takes so little effort to nudge them together. So basically, sympathy helps everyone. I don't care if people dismiss complex internal forces as "self-pity." I don't buy into that hyperindividualism that we just need to tough it out without help.
mgkimsal 14y ago
"Startups aren't a sickness (unlike alcoholism for example). Starting one is a choice we are all making fully aware that failure is the expected outcome." I really don't think this is the case. Yes, people give lip service to that concept, but no one thinks they will fail, and investors don't think their investments will fail. Yes, they may know statistics, but no one would explicitly start something with the expected outcome of wasting months/years of their life and boatloads of money. It does seem to me that 'startup culture' is another avenue for some people with addictive tendencies to express addictions. TechCrunch is startup porn, and people get addicted to the stories it peddles.
- calibraxis 14y ago
  That's a good test to evaluate startups. How honest are the founders on their expected failure rate? If you're not a person they need to be lying to (i.e. not a potential/actual employee, investor, customer, journalist, etc), will they tell you that their realistic probability for success is very low? If they can't do this, that's a red flag. Their irrationality will injure people in a relationship with them. They may disrespect others. Optimism is vital, but so is groundedness.
  - jstanley 14y ago
    Everyone is a potential employee, investor, customer or journalist.
    - calibraxis 14y ago
      I agree, you have to dislodge them out of that mindset, so they don't see you that way. You're there to help, which means honesty and seriousness. Otherwise you get the businessman bullshit for public consumption. Having interests in common (outside business) helps.

calibraxis 14y ago

You know, my professional network is partly based on me listening to people angry enough at their startups (which they didn't found) that they're starting their own. :) I listen to them like I've wanted to be listened to, offer validation if they seem to want it. ("Yeah, that level of 'insanity' is completely normal, I've seen it. Fear of financial doom changes people, brings out the worst in them. You've clearly gone out of your way change things, and they just insult you, so you don't owe them. And their strategy sounds fucked to me too.") Then I ask my network to help them at trouble-points. Worried your investor's pulling out because your great CTO's legally tied up for a couple months and can only work nights? I'm emailing people that night, and we're meeting that insightful contractor together tomorrow. (And my network is pretty small, but it's increasingly getting get the job done.) And I'll remember that you know an effective lawyer, and will probably want to find good people with domain experience in X in a few months... There are just so many open connections left hanging in the universe, and it takes so little effort to nudge them together. So basically, sympathy helps everyone. I don't care if people dismiss complex internal forces as "self-pity." I don't buy into that hyperindividualism that we just need to tough it out without help.

mgkimsal 14y ago

"Startups aren't a sickness (unlike alcoholism for example). Starting one is a choice we are all making fully aware that failure is the expected outcome." I really don't think this is the case. Yes, people give lip service to that concept, but no one thinks they will fail, and investors don't think their investments will fail. Yes, they may know statistics, but no one would explicitly start something with the expected outcome of wasting months/years of their life and boatloads of money. It does seem to me that 'startup culture' is another avenue for some people with addictive tendencies to express addictions. TechCrunch is startup porn, and people get addicted to the stories it peddles.

calibraxis 14y ago
That's a good test to evaluate startups. How honest are the founders on their expected failure rate? If you're not a person they need to be lying to (i.e. not a potential/actual employee, investor, customer, journalist, etc), will they tell you that their realistic probability for success is very low? If they can't do this, that's a red flag. Their irrationality will injure people in a relationship with them. They may disrespect others. Optimism is vital, but so is groundedness.
- jstanley 14y ago
  Everyone is a potential employee, investor, customer or journalist.
  - calibraxis 14y ago
    I agree, you have to dislodge them out of that mindset, so they don't see you that way. You're there to help, which means honesty and seriousness. Otherwise you get the businessman bullshit for public consumption. Having interests in common (outside business) helps.